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 Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:46 pm
All right, so the fate he and Gunnar had picked for each other was worse than death. That wasn't what Solv was focusing on. In fact, he wasn't focusing so well at all. His red eyes were glazing over like there was some kind of water between his eyeballs and the world beyond.
"Do you really think I'm loyal? And your friend?" he asked. It was embarrassing, but he was touched by the thought. Moved, even.
"Reavers aren't supposed to be able to write moving poetry," Solv grumbled, trying to look tougher than his watering eyes would have him appear. It wasn't very effective, but he was trying.
"I think we can call this a tie. Congratulations. You may join the Stormborn."
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:56 pm
Contest over, the reaver was already settling down to eat some more fruit. His paws had grown clumsy, though, and he was having a devil of a time getting the damn fruit to roll to him instead of away. He slapped both paws down on a piece of fruit at once, only to have it squish with an unpleasant sound. One that reminded him oddly of Bilijo.
He brought his paws to his face to lick the pulp from them, trying to banish the nightmares of Bilijo. "A'course you're my loyal friend," Gunnar said absently, focusing on getting the pulp out from under his claws. No sense wasting it, right? The reaver had all the emotional intelligence of a stump, and he missed the wateriness in Solv's eyes entirely.
He snorted when Solv extended the offer to join the Stormborn. "How kind. Thanks." He eyed Solv blearily, cracking a smile. Solv seemed a bit more doubled than he usually did, but that was barely noticeable when you considered the fact that the ground kept tilting from one side to the other. Gunnar rose to his paws, wobbling a bit. He hadn't realized just how fast the fruit was catching up to him. "Less go find the ladies now. To the ladies!" Gunnar announced. His voice was strong and confident, but the way he followed his words by listing severely to one side and then stumbling into Solv spoiled the effect somewhat.
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:02 pm
There was a point where Solv was no longer a loquacious drunk. He reached it much faster with fermented fruit than he did with 'n** or mint. He had reached it. While Gunnar was distracted playing his fruit squishing game Solv sniffled and then tried to fake a manly sneeze to excuse the sniffling.
"Yes! To the lay-deeeez!" he agreed, lurching to his feet and almost plowing into Gunnar in the process. This was going to be an epic procession.
In a conspiratorial whisper that was pitched somewhere between normal speech and a catcall he said, "But let's not tell them about Bilijo because, well. You know."
At least he hoped Gunnar knew. Because he didn't. He suspected, but he didn't like to think about it. Some things were better left unsaid. But some things needed to be said, he realized as he looked down at the ground, intending to give it a stern look to make it hold still. There were entirely too many feet and he didn't know which ones were his.
"I'm going to puke," he announced. "Please move."
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:10 pm
Somewhere between staggering into Solv and having Solv stagger into him in turn, Gunnar found himself with all four paws planted firmly on the ground, in perfect balance. Ah. Perfect.
But then Solv was talking about puking. Gunnar tried to back out of the way quickly, but four paws was entirely too many to manage when drunk. Somehow he tripped over his own back feet and ended up sitting down with a hard thump. At least he hadn't fallen. Gunnar scooted backwards, trying to get out of range if Solv did puke.
"Tell them about Bilijo?" Gunnar asked, frowning. He tried to marshal enough brainpower to understand Solv's meaning, but it was impossible. There was only one possible explanation, or at least, only one that occurred to the severely inebriated reaver.
"You did Bilijo?" He made an interesting sound somewhere between a laugh and a retch that could only be transcribed as 'HahahawuuureeeeECK.'
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:14 pm
"Can't talk now. Must...Hork!"
And that was that. Solv puked up rotten fruit in a vaguely green blob in front of him, and then his heaving stomach drove him to pivot in a semi-circle while continuing to produce vomit and bile. It was really unfair how much of the stuff seemed to be in his guts.
"Sorry. No. But remember how she ate you?" Solv reminded Gunnar. The line between reality and fiction had basically vanished by this time. "The ladies won't like that. They don't like her. I don't like her. I would never do her. That would be...Hork!"
And he completed the circle. Now Solv was ringed with green spew.
"I'm a priestess," he declared after looking around himself and observing that he was in a circle of something nasty smelling. "Fetch me my zebra hat."
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:25 pm
"Eeehhhhw." Gunnar flinched back as Solv emptied his guts all over the floor. Good thing he was out of range, if only barely.
He pondered being eaten by Bilijo. He couldn't remember being eaten by her, but he also couldn't remember not being eaten by her. The reaver's short term memory seemed to have blown a fuse. He didn't want to sound stupid by telling Solv he was wrong, so Gunnar just said "Oooohhhh," and tapped his nose, making what he thought was a wise expression. "Right. Yeah. Can't let the ladies know about that one."
The likelihood that Gunnar would be able to do anything with a lady rather than perhaps trip over her was vanishingly small, but he thought if he just took a minute to rest everything would be fine. " 'm going to m'den," Gunnar mumbled, squinting at the very non-priestessly looking Solv. "Gotta rest up for the ladies f'just a minute. Five minutes tops." He tried to start off for the den but lost track of his legs, turning in a wobbly circle instead. Finding himself face to face with Solvtorn once more, Gunnar shrugged. "You can come too on account of the ladies're right there."
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:28 pm
"My hat! I can't go anywhere without my hat!" Solv protested, having forgotten about Bilijo and the ladies and all that. Puking up one's guts can have that effect. "It is my magic get-out-of-hangovers-free hat!"
Solv did not own such a hat. But he had seen one. Once. Some silly outlander with a cub had one. He looked like a perfect a** in it, but claimed it prevented him from getting hungover. Solv had decided the hat should be his.
"Wait! Galning stole my hat!" he whined. "You can't go until we get it back."
This sounded like the beginning of an epic adventure. Providing they could both stay upright long enough to enact it.
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:36 pm
Having never seen a magic hat, Gunnar listened patiently and uncomprehendingly.
He fixed on the one thing that made sense to him: going to see Galning.
"I don't want to see Galning," Gunnar grumbled. "We were going to look for pretty ladies. Galning is ugly." Gunnar glared at Solv, shaking one paw at him in a stern tsk-tsk motion. "Also he's not a lady," Gunnar added, as an afterthought. "And a drunk."
The irony of this was lost on the extremely drunk Gunnar, who was now leaning at a precarious angle.
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:40 pm
"We are getting my hat back," Solv told Gunnar firmly. "And also you are about to step on my magic circle, and that won't work. You have to make your own if you want it to work properly."
What, exactly, Solv's "magic circle" was intended to do was a mystery. Certainly Solv had no idea. But it had all the elements of a priestess's magic circle as far as he could tell. Bodily fluids. Check. Plant matter. Check. Unidentifiable crunchy things he was positive he hadn't eaten. Check. But now Gunnar had messed it all up. Or was about to. Either way.
He shoved Gunnar mercilessly in the direction he thought Galning's den was located. "It's like a viking. We just go in, take what's rightfully mine, and leave. Easy peasy pudding pop. What's pudding?"
He was listing dangerously with each step, but experience had taught his body to always move one foot at a time. No more, no less. It was slower, but healthier in the long run. Experience could not teach his mind to stop getting drunk.
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:47 pm
Gunnar balked, but although he was bigger and stronger than Solvtorn, he was also tripping over his own paws. Solvtorn was able to shove him along easily. "Okay. If it's like a viking I guess I can do it," Gunnar grumbled. "I guess."
Now that he thought about it, it sounded like a pretty good adventure. Who was Galning to take something of Solvtorn's? Solvtorn was Gunnar's friend, and Galning was a weirdo that flailed around like a drunken honey badger in heat. "Galning!" Gunnar roared as Solv shoved him at the den. "Give us back our hat! We are on a quest for hats! And tail!"
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