Am I doing it right....

[RedHairjoe]

Well where do I begin...for sometime I have considered myself a closet pagan following a kind of agnostic view point but still believing in the whole "all gods are gods" mentality. I went through the period of soul searching and did find a level of comfort and self acceptance with my new found beliefs. I read a few books, researched things online and fell even more fascinated by this system that (what appeared to me) as an individually-powered religion.

Time went on and I still considered myself pagan in some sense because I didn't follow an Aberhamic tradition. I did the rituals, even said some personal prayers etc. And I thought I was a pagan...but recently I've been reflecting more on my life and realized how little I've practiced my religion, I did perform the sabbats and the occasional ritual in between. Life just got hectic, friends, family, college, job-hunting, discovering a love for a new hobby or two and at the end of the day I was tired and wanted to relax. These past few months, although quickly passing by, have been the best of my life!

Recently, I posted something on the guild forum that I started with good intentions but completely blew up in my face (and I'm still kicking myself for it). (Some would probably know what I'm talking about at this moment...)

After that incident I really started wondering....Am I really being pagan? Am I being the good person that I'm always trying to be??? So I'm facing the questions I faced before considering myself a 'pagan'...

"Am I actually one with being pagan???"

There's just so many thoughts, concerns and worries in my head I don't know which direction to take this too....  

[X-Yami-no-Ko-X]

Well those are questions only you can really answer.

We can give you the text book definition of what Pagan means. Meaning that since you're not following an Abrahamic religion that you are Pagan. But the question of if you are the good person you're always trying to be than you're the only one who can answer that one. Your morals might be different than mine.

Sometimes we'll do things that we think blow up in our faces (talking in general not just what you're talking about). When it happens just stop and think about what's going on. Try to see it from different perspectives. Take it as a learning experience. Life is all about learning.  

[Morgandria]

Mistakes are part of the learning process, and are valuable, even if they're embarrassing. As long as you learn from them, it's fine.

As far as I'm concerned you're a Pagan simply because you've decided you don't practice Abrahamic religion. That's all that takes, as far as the label Pagan concerns. It isn't a specific-enough term to act as a definition for a religion. You can say a specific religion is Pagan, but not that Paganism is a specific religion.

It takes time to figure out what does and doesn't work for you as a personal spiritual or religious practice - and I want to say that probably goes double for people who are trying to create their own personal eclectic neo-pagan witchcraft. You have lots of time, though - so take your time. You will always be learning your path, for your entire life. It is always worth the time to look around at different Pagan religions - you may find they fit you better than a non-specific 'Pagan' path, and at the very least you may discover things you'd like to incorporate into your own personal spirituality, even if you don't jive with everything else.

As for morality:
If being a good person is important to you, that's fine. smile But Pagan morality, like Pagan religion, varies greatly. The very definition of what makes a person 'good' will be different for each. You might want to look at that in more depth and see if there's a specific religion's moral code that reflects your own personal one. At the bottom of it all, you may discover that what most North Americans are raised with as 'morality' is really social conditioning to be a good citizen and keep the mechanics of our modern society functioning without friction. For some people, that's enough and they don't need a religious morality.

Paganism shouldn't eat your life whole. If all you do is focus on pagan practices and witchcraft, your life is in a serious imbalance. There has to be room for other things. And when other things in life - work, family, health, etc. - take precedence, religion can fall by the wayside. Don't sweat it. Things ebb and flow. When you're recharged, not so occupied with other things that need taking care of, you'll have time and energy for your practices again.