[PRP] A Friend of Shame (Fia x Mii'ah) (FIN)

[Nuxaz]

The war had kept the red furred lioness busy as she attended to her duties. It had kept Xipil even busier much to her frustration. There had been little progress in her failed attempts of getting the male to notice her, but she had to cut him slack. He had a responsibility to the pride and he would be damned if he failed them. It didn't help that there were constant family matters that kept arising, this time in the form of his dark pelted sister. Fia.

Mii'ah herself had not conversed with her friend in some time, more time had elapsed than she would have liked but things always had to be sacrificed in wartime. She had only heard whispers of rumors, partial recollections of the events that had transpired and directly effected her friend. She had heard of the death of Fia's mentor and Mii'ah knew how poorly the feisty lioness dealt with grief.

It was no wonder she had lashed out so violently when someone had the sense to try and stop her.

So there she was, seeking out her friend to do the only thing she could think of. Offer her condolences and try to talk some sense in the lioness that had taken to hiding. Luckily Mii'ah knew some of Fia's favorite spots to camp out at.

And so her search began.

Kimaria

 

[Kimaria]

Fia would not be found at the stones that day. In fact she hadn't been seen there since the incident, having decided to take refuge in her den, leaving only for the essentials and only when she was convinced that pride members were sparse. Tyhankfully, with everyone so busy, there were not often Firekin hanging around without much to do. Except for the odd parent and cubs or someone merely passing through on their way out to do their duty. Just as she should be doing hers...

Except that she couldn't. She didn't trust herself, her temper being so thin and unpredictable. And there was the shame, too. The realisation of what she had done slowly sinking in until she couldn't get away from the fact that it had been wrong. And even though she had never liked Azar'bijan, the bitter truth was that he had likely saved her. That a** had put himself in for a beating so that she wouldn't go off hunting Nergui alone. And, for all that could be said of that lion, his loyalty could not be questioned.

In any case, with the semblance of calm that had fallen outside of her den, she decided that she might risk nipping out to see if the hunting party had returned with a kill. If they had, no doubt only slim pickings would remain, but she was content to pick bones if it meant avoiding others.

As her head emerged from the den, a distant laugh of a cub caught her attention and then, something else. A lone female. Fia's heart gave a twist in panic as she stumbled back to hide in her den, hoping that she hadn't been spotted.

Mii'ah had only ever been a kind and wonderful friend, but Fia...Fia could not say that she was the same. She'd been a fool.

Nuxaz

Thanks for setting this up, hon!

 

[Nuxaz]

The war had only heightened the lioness's senses and her awareness of her surroundings had increased ten-fold; as such Fia's wishes to go unnoticed had not been granted. Green eyes caught sight of her dark fur and her head turned just as her friend attempted to slide back into her den. "Fia," she called, no judgement in her tone. Only sadness. Her ears flattened against her skull as a frown settled on her lips.

She briefly debating leaving, to continue to give her space but she stuck to her guns and changed direction heading toward the den.

"Fia," she called again, brow wrinkling in concern as she reached the mouth of the den. "Fia, please I understand that things have been," she paused uncertain of how to continue. She toyed with a few lines before finally continuing, "difficult but holing up in your den is no way to go. It doesn't suit you. It's not the Fia I know."

Kimaria

 

[Kimaria]

She flinched at the sound of her name and froze, still not quite back in the chamber of her little den. It was no good. Her friend had keen eyes and she had been spotted before she could slip back out of sight. So what now? What did she say? Could she act as if nothing was wrong? No...it was likely too late for that.

And when Mii'ah's voice came again - somewhere close to the entrance of the den - she submitted herself to the fact that she couldn't avoid people forever. She had to face the music at some point and it might as well be Mii'ah. The female was, at least, someone that Fia trusted.

The words were only just out of Mii'ah's mouth when Fia reappeared, her face deeply sorrowful and sunken. Her eyes which had once held so much fire inside of them looked dull and dark. She cast a look across at her red-pelted friend and tried her best to pull the fraying threads of her emotions together--and failed. "I don't think I know me anymore, either." She replied, pulling herself back up into the sunshine and sitting, hunched, in the sun. Her tail brushed the sand smooth with one sweep and she dragged her eyes back up to her friend.

"I think...old Fia is gone, Mii'ah. I don't think she is coming back."

Broken. The word repeated in her mind over and over again. It's what she was.

Nuxaz

 

[Nuxaz]

Mii'ah was a determined, stubborn soul who had a hard time just letting things lie which is why she didn't hesitate to state that Fia was being ridiculous. "Do you have any idea of how foolish you sound?" She questioned. It was followed by a sigh and a head shake. "You are still Fia, in all of her entirety and just because you acted foolishly does not mean that the "old Fia" is no longer around. You simply are in a state of shame."

She was trying to be comforting, to be a good friend and didn't realize that he word could come off...poorly.

"I don't blame you for acting the way you did," she continued not pausing to let Fia react. "Your mentor died and you were never good with grief. You have personally felt the casualties of way, it cannot be easy," she told her thinking of the death of her nephew. "Wartime is not easy, even for us who were raised to be more than just a pride." It was clear that Xipil was having quite the effect on her as flecks of his personality reflected off of her.

"But you cannot keep hiding in shame for what you did. Grief causes many to be rash and to do things they wouldn't have done otherwise. You have always had a fiery personality my friend," she smiled at her. Fia had always been passionate. "You are a passionate lioness and you feel deeply, even if you would rather not. If I remember correctly, your sister wished to seek justice for the death of her son. Why is it so irrational to think you wouldn't want the same?" She shook her head, expression turning solemn as she tried to continue to share her thoughts in a coherent manner.

"You may have gone about it poorly Fia but it's okay," she assured her moving forward and extending a paw. "Even though things are rough right now, I'm here for you. I will always stand beside you."

Yes, Mii'ah wouldn't hesitate to be a friend of shame.  

[Kimaria]

What had she done to deserve such a good friend?

Fia was quiet as she absorbed what Mii'ah had said, mulling it over and realising the truth in it. In every word. And yet...

"Even if what you say is true, Mii'ah." Which it was. "What do I do now? What place is there for me in this? I've always been fiery, I'll admit that, but what use is there of fire in someone who has no control of it? I wanted to fight but..." She trailed, clamping her jaws firmly shut for a moment. Her eyes had grown hard and angry. "I can't. I'd only be a danger to those around me. I couldn't promise that I wouldn't act against orders if the chance to kill those bastards who killed my loved ones came up."

Her eyes flashed back to Mii'ah. "They killed them in cold blood." Her voice was a whisper. "And I want them dead now. Not tomorrow. Not in a few weeks time. Now." But they were delaying. Stalling. And Fia couldn't help but think the longer this went on the bigger the risk came that they would lose others.

"So...what do I do?"  

[Nuxaz]

"You aren't a soldier Fia."

Those were the first words that escaped her maw in response. Did Fia not see that her irrational actions were because she wasn't properly disciplined? She had the fire and strength suited for a soldier but she had opted to be a historian instead. She had never been properly taught the discipline to be a soldier, or to fight as a soldier. She couldn't hope to achieve her justice on her own, she needed someone to help her think things through.

The ones that were fueled by passion didn't stop to think.

"You struggle containing your flames because you haven't been taught how to. You haven't been shown how to," she tried to explain, ears flattening against her skull. "The fire within you burns so brightly," she continued, "It is a wild fire and if it continues that way you will continue to burn in your misery," she sighed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "The first step is figuring out how to control it, I understand that you wish for an immediate justice but," she paused, claws extending to dig into the sand. This wasn't easy for her, it was the first time she had ever needed to try and help someone through a problem. To help someone redeem themselves. "Now is not the time for it."

Green eyes met black and her expression turned stony. "Do you not understand that they do not wish to let you embark on your quest because they fear losing you? I'm assured you could handle yourself in battle but again, you are not a soldier." These were probably not words her friend wished to hear, but they needed to be said. "If you still want to seek out those that took the life of your mentor then I ask that you speak with one of your siblings, the general or even your parents. I know we are at a stand still but if you could pull a small group together then perhaps you can seek justice."

Her brow furrowed in a mixture of concern and frustration because she was struggling with what she wished to say next. "I believe that it would be better to wait, perhaps seek to learn a bit more of the ways of a soldier in which to better prepare yourself for the moment in which you can attack." Another pause, a hesitation really. "I would much prefer you follow through with the latter because I would hate to see anything happen to you but know that I will stand beside you, whichever path you end up taking and I will do whatever I can to ensure you get the closure you seek."

Kimaria

 

[Kimaria]

She was very quiet. Too quiet for one who usually was more than happy to fill silence with talk. And though it was clear she was listening intently to her friend, her eyes had begun to drift, seeing beyond the landscape and into her thoughts; into places she'd rather not see or go. In the recesses of her memory she saw Mzaa lying broken. Her nephew fading from life even as the medics fought to save him. And Fia was not a soldier. Perhaps would never be. So what could she do to make it better? What could she do when her friends and family died all around her?

Nothing?

Nothing...?

"You said it yourself." She said at last, her voice weary and dry. "I'm not a soldier." And what of her other family members? What of Mzaa's family? What were they doing to get past this feeling? Was she so weak that she was the only one falling apart when they were banding together to try and beat this enemy once and for all? She had been in training before these events had happened and she could train on, even now. With Mii'ah's help, perhaps. With Mwako's help. Because she had friends and she was alive. So very alive. Fia had never been a quitter. Had always stood up for what she had believed in. Until now, her beliefs had never failed her. Never proven her wrong. She had fought for the Hongshan to stay. She had fought for the equality of water. She still believed in those decisions. But her choice to go after Nergui...it had been a foolish thing born from grief.

But she couldn't grieve forever; even if it did feel like she would.

"No." She continued. "I'm not a soldier, but I could be." And she rose up on shaky legs and drew in a steadying breath. "I won't let them beat me. I will continue to train and I will make them pay." Her voice was hard and cold, quite different from the fiery tones it tended to take on. It was clear that if anyone tried to stop her, they would be faced with her wrath. Azar'bijan could already confirm that she was willing to stop at nothing to see her plans through. Her head turned back to regard her friend and she gave a firm nod.

"What is broken can be fixed. I will fix this." She blinked. "You've helped me before, Mii'ah. Could you help me again? To learn to fight?" To kill. Because Fia was not going to be left behind in this. She was going to march alongside her soldier companions and join them in their blood fury.

Nuxaz

 

[Nuxaz]

Mii'ah should have known better than to have thought she could predict anything Fia might do, what her dark furred friend would say. Still, her desire had completely taken the red lioness off guard. Her green eyes widened in surprise, brow furrowed in confusion and her lips pressed together into a frown.

Fia wished to pursue the life of a solider.

"Are you sure you are thinking this through?" The red cat asked before she had time to think her question through. "I mean no disrespect with that question Fia but I thought you sought the life of a historian because you never wished to be a solider," she quickly added trying to keep her friend from possibly growing irritated with her. Though Mii'ah had been in the Firekin for some time now, she still had few friends. She would do anything to keep from losing them.

She sighed, ears flattening back against her skull. "But if this is something you truly wish to pursue I will not stand in your way," she told her offering a weak smile. Fia was completely capable of becoming a talented soldier, that Mii'ah did not doubt but she feared that when her opportunity came to achieve her justice she would, again, act irrationally. "I will do everything within my power to help you, to train with you but I have one condition."

There was only one way the lioness felt she could ensure that Fia would not be foolish or get herself killed.

"When the time comes for us to enter the fray you stay with me. We will be partners, watch each others back and keep the other from being foolish. Deal?"

Kimaria

 

[Kimaria]

No. She had not wanted to be a soldier. That much was true. She had shunned that life for something else but that was before...before all of this. Before the Nergui had come to threaten them. Before people she loved died. Her mismatched eyes turned back to her friend and her mouth set in a grim line. "I didn't want to be a soldier. Not then. But everything has changed. We all need to stand up and fight." And anyone who didn't was a coward and was not worthy of being called Firekin.

Fia straightened, drawing herself up taller, though she faltered a little at the condition. Still, when it came, she relaxed and nodded. "You have my word, Mii'ah. Two Firekin are better one." And an army...no one could stand up against a force like that. They were strong. The strongest. They would rise victorious even if the battles were long and fierce.

And a dark, sad part of her thought: This is a friend I would not mind dying beside.

Nuxaz

We can call that a finish or you can put up a last post! Up to you, hon <3