He stood a ways away from his captain's daughter, just watching her as she sat there, the moonlight casting a soft glow on her pelt. There had been a time when she had laughed, when he had smiled over the eager light in her young eyes. For so long she had done all she could to prove to them that she was strong enough, fast enough, clever and brave enough to be one of them, to stand by his side as they fought those they intended to steal from, fought to protect their pride. He remembered how she had used to grumble and scoff at teasing, at pet names and affection.
He no longer saw that light, heard her laughter. She was broken, damaged, frozen.
And it killed him to know that it was their fault. If they hadn't been so determined to keep her safe, she wouldn't have needed a reason to prove to them that she could handle herself. Their overprotective natures had become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Douceur had loved Auslief since she was a cub. He was just another one of her father's crew, but she treated him like her closest friend, had always done so. Where others had sometimes seen him as simple and dull, she had persisted, trying to see what was to be found beneath the silent exterior. He had always loved her, would always love her as if she was his own daughter. He knew Bart saw her as a sister, but he had always been paternal towards her. The strange thing was that the more she grew, the more she began to accept him in that role. He hadn't understood it at first, why she would come to him and not her father. It took a long time for it to sink in that she knew he would allow her vulnerabilities where her own father wouldn't. If Nemeios knew of his daughter's soft side, he'd be less inclined to let her endanger herself by remaining crew. The captain was possessive enough as it was over her and her mother, the last thing she needed was to make it worse.
Dou was suddenly torn. On the one hand, he should let her alone. If she needed him, she'd come to him. And yet he couldn't resist the tug at his heart to go to her and at least offer the same comfort he'd been offering since she was so small. Without even thinking, his paws started moving, walking towards her on surprisingly silent steps. He was almost upon her when she stiffened and he froze, knowing she had suddenly realized he was there.
Auslief turned to look over her shoulder at him and his heart shattered like a brittle shell. The look of agony on her face, the tears streaming from her eyes broke him. Dou knew he'd never be able to find the words to take that level of pain away. There was nothing he could do, but he could at least try.
He sat and held out one paw, a silent offering of all he could give.
She was pressed against him in an instant, his paw wrapping around her shoulders while she sobbed.
Auslief couldn't stop crying. Hadn't she cried enough? Had the days it took to return home not been long enough to shed all her tears? She had hoped that they had, but the moment she saw the moonlight on the breaking waves they had returned. The ache in her heart, the gods-awful pain. She wanted to scream it hurt so much and at the same time she just wanted to lie down and let it consume her. Where had she gone? She'd lost herself. She had wanted to leave the pride on her own, to grow and to show her father and crew that she was worthy, that she was just as strong as they were.
And in that she had failed. She'd proved them all right. She was weak, prone to the fanciful nature of her gender. She had, like a fool, given her most treasured possession away and watched it destroyed with little more than a hug and a stupid necklace.
"It hurts so much, Dou," she finally whimpered, the weight of her pain finally pulling her down. She all but collapsed at his paws and curled up.
"I'm here, Rime. I'll always be here for to talk to, if you need it." How strange that she never took exception when Dou offered his shoulder to cry on, his ear for her troubles. Perhaps it was the fact that she gave him her problems and yet he never truly took them. Sometimes he offered to help, sometimes gave her advice, and sometimes... Well, sometimes he just sat there and held her.
"I was stupid."
"You're never stupid." She shook her head rather violently as he settled down, curling around her. Oh, had she been stupid, and he would certainly agree once he heard what had happened.
"I let him in, gods how could I have been so stupid? I thought he cared about me, I wanted him to come back home with me, to stay. Like Mama and Papa." Good gods, she had fallen in love with this male. Dou hated this all the more. He'd never before felt the pang of love in his heart, but from the glimpses he caught of the few mated members of the pride, it could be an all-consuming joy, at times. This agony she seemed to be going through... What had this male done to her?
"He was in love with someone else, after everything I wasn't good enou- I wasn't what he... How could I let this happen?" She blamed herself, that was it. Dou couldn't understand how she could blame herself for something that someone else had done and yet that was Auslief. She had always been such an independent little thing, and it carried over in the worst of ways. If something went wrong, if she failed at something, there was no doubt in her mind that it was somehow her fault.
And it rarely ever was.
"It isn't your fault," he said with a sigh, giving her a small squeeze as she shook against him. "If the male was too blind to see how precious you are, then he's the fool, he's the stupid one. Not you."
"Then why does it hurt so much?" Dou's heart broke at how much she sounded like she had when she'd been so little, when she was frightened by a storm. It wasn't fair that this should have happened to her, she hadn't deserved it.
"It'll be okay, Rime. It'll be okay." What more could he say?
(WC: 1,101)
