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 Posted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 9:10 pm
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I am so ******** done, holy s**t.
Okay, so the other morning I was sick, and stayed home after vomiting for a few hours feeling like my stomach was trying to turn inside out, the slept the whole day and consequentially did not sleep much that night. The next day I felt fine, so I was going to go to school, and I was moving really slow and told my Dad that because he rides with me on the subway to help with my anxiety and okay wow my Mum ******** comes in looks at me halfway out of be and she calls me a ******** liar.
She literally said "You lied! You liar! You lied to Daddy! You lied!" and if I hadn't of sat up I'm sure she would have come in and grabbed me. Of course I start ******** crying cause that's exactly what I want to hear when I wake up in the morning. And then she comes in while I'm ******** sobbing and tries to get me ready for school, and won't leave when I tell her to get out, until I finally say "You don't get it, do you?" She says "No, I don't get it." I straight up tell her "You just took all my self-work and confidence, which I have been working on for months, everything I've been working for and tore it to pieces in less than a minute. That's why I want you out of my room."
And so she leaves and ******** goes "Dave, you better come up here because apparently I blew something out of the water."
And my Dad comes up and holds me and listens to me and does what a parent is supposed to do when their kid is sobbing until I'm composed enough to get ready to leave cause no ******** way and I staying in the house with her. He leaves so I can change, and apparently he talked to my mom, cause while I'm downstairs putting on my shoes she comes down and starts trying to make amends. Well, I'm having none of it saying things like "I don't want to talk about it." "I can't right now." and "Please, just leave me alone." until she nearly falls to the floor sobbing because she's "Sorry I just get these ideas in my head sometimes and I run with them, like I get something into my head and I don't mean to hurt you, while I guess I do mean tot hurt you, and then I do and I realize what I've done and I regret it and I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." The next thing I know I'm hugging her and comforting her because I felt too guilty to leave her like that.
Let me repeat.
I felt too guilty to leave her like that.
Now I'm scared that every morning I'm just a little groggy or moving slowly she's going to come in and call me a liar again.
Oh, and you know what's the cherry on top? Someone who I used to count as my friend and I grew apart from who now has breast cancer started guilt tripping me because I didn't call her over the summer, said we couldn't be counted as friends anymore, told me she'd drop of the clothes I'd forgotten at her house and that I didn't have to be there when I did, then asked if I really wanted it to be over.
I feel safer and happier at school than I do in my own home. I'm scared of my Mother and her emotional abuse and suffocating ways.
I'm scared of my brother with his anger problems and stress.
I've been hurt by someone I thought would understand.
I was getting better and they've all made me worse.
Thanks a ******** lot.
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 8:03 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 1:59 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:46 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:48 pm
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RyugaHayabusa Some information, if you'd please, before I begin to offer advice. Sorry, but without details, I cannot offer viable advice. 1. How old are you? Strange, yes, but advice varies on your point in life. 2. Are you "out" to your friends and family if you are attracted to either the same or both sexes? 3. How long has this been going on? At least a few weeks, I'd imagine. 4. Does your mother often act this way? Those four questions will give me enough information to offer better advice than what I gathered from your post.
1. 17
2. I am out as Pansexual to my immediate family, including my Mom (whose first reaction was "____, you are very heterosexual"), and all my friends.
3. Her yelling at me randomly then crying? Pretty much my entire life.
4. I think you could say moderately so. Her moods are very sporadic, and it's very difficult to live with.
I'm scared to be at home because of all of this. |
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:43 pm
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From what I have gathered, I can tell you with almost complete certainty that your mother suffers from bipolar disorder. If she is undiagnosed so far, I would recommend talking to your father, who seems sympathetic to you, about having her get examined. The reason why you cannot be lenient on this is because those with bipolar disorder tend to get worse as time goes on. She is exhibiting the classic signs as it stands now.
What you can do to help alleviate the mood swings for right now is to just grin and bare it. I know, you have lived with it your entire life, and it sucks. Trust me, I know how it feels. My mom suffers from it, my sisters suffer from it, and my ex suffers from it.
Try to not spend so much time around your house, but don't actively go out of your way to avoid your family. If you don't have a job, look for one. If you have friends who would stay over or let you stay over there every now and then, do it. This will help cut down the time you are exposed to the mood swings, and also be beneficial to you as well. Plus, you won't be making excuses for not being home, since you are allowed to visit friends and work.
I feel sorry for you, I honestly do, but until your mother is examined and put on medication, there is nothing you can do. Just keep your chin up, you are almost 18. If you need more personal advice from someone living with bipolar diagnosed people, just ask. I am always happy to help.
I will say one thing though that I found out the hard way: Patience is a virtue in the situation you are in. Thanks to my situation, I have the patience of a monk.
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