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[Q] Sidney the Onikuma [U/C AGAIN]

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Gaufre

Tipsy Sailor

PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 5:13 pm
AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Umasidaetos Urselenarck (Demon Name)
Nicknames: Sidney (Public Name) / Sid (Nick Name)
Gender: Male
Age: 15

Faction: Demon
Race: Onikuma/Oniguma - A large bear yokai capable of walking on its hind legs, known for stealing horses from villages and feared to eat humans. The Oniguma are characteristically closer to monsters than demons and may be frowned upon by demons of the higher caliber. (http://hyakumonogatari.com/2013/05/28/onikuma-demon-bear/)


Natural Ability: Strength - legends say an Onikuma can move rocks that 10 men together can’t push.

(*Natural Form: Sid has the appearance of an Asian black bear and stands at 7ft tall on his hind legs.)


Personality: Sid is a big, rugged looking student that doesn't exactly do making impressions, he just intimidates. The kid looks like your run of the mill grump who'd want to shove you to the floor if you get in his way, but Sid isn't as rough as he appears. This guy's just quiet and awfully simple minded, producing slow, plain sentences when he does speak.

This makes finding friends hard, but when things happen to work out well, Sid cherishes friends and the worst comes out if he sees them in danger. That's when his brawn comes to use, but those who have really met Sid know he's really a big simple mama's boy.

Though he is close to his mom and loves the warm sweaters she always knits him, his relationship with his dad is a little different. There's less of an emotional attachment and more of boss/respect orientated feeling, where Sid looks up to his pa and takes his advice wholeheartedly despite often not meeting expectation. Much of the advice he still takes to heart from his father are social class related, encouraging Sid to be wary of other factions despite the Oniguma's strange position in it all. Though due to that strange position, Sid himself doesn't frown at Monsters. He just can't with the close similarities to lifestyle. His pa knows they may be towards the bottom rung in terms of wealth and status, but they're still demons and he tries to remind Sid of that mentality.

Sid knows nothing other than the lifestyle an Oniguma is forced to live and has accepted his place at the bottom of the demon ladder. Their lack of wealth leads to their simple lifestyle, and he is ok with this despite the lavish lives of his fellow demons. What has bothered him is the ridicule throughout his life from some of his own faction and this makes him uncomfortable around them, self-conscious and pushed downwards with the worry of being ridiculed without getting a chance, supporting his desire to stay silent rather than speak and be pointed out.

To pass time, Sid likes to take a good nap and sleep. If not sleep, he climbs trees a lot of the time. Sometimes he even climbs trees and sleeps in them. It's better he do that than occupy time by awkwardly stare at equine students, which he does a lot without even knowing it.. they make him so hungry, but his momma taught him, "eating students not good thing," and so he often collects acorns, fish, and whatever goodies he can find to bring to his room and stash for snacks between meals. Sid doesn't really make the connection or know why it happens, but Oniguma had been known for stealing horses from human villagers to devour in their caves as a favorite delicacy.


Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Sid goes to school like his momma said so he can get bigger and smarter and scarier. His papa, tired of their lower position in demon society and always wanting more, just says his damn son better go to school and shape up. The kid doesn't know what he wants to do at this point either, he much rather just collect acorns and play around in trees.

FEAR Ability: (Battle Cry) Crescent Claws - Sid's claws get bigger and thicker for a chance to slash crescents into his enemy's chest.


Physical Description:

Sid looks like a big grumpy teen (about 5'11") who went out to live in the wilderness, came back, and never shaved. He's got messy bed hair and baggy eyes from naps and a little beard goin' on.

Eye Colour: Brown
Hair Colour/Style: Black, lengthy, and down in a mess or up in a bun. Thick sideburns.
Skin Colour: See reference.
Clothing Style/Colours: A good ole' warm Halloween-sweater from his momma, some really worn jeans, and bare feet. He's a pretty simple guy.
Extra: Sid retains Asian black bear ears and a rinky-dinky bear tail, noticeable claws, and sharper teeth in human form.
References:

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

BONUS ONIGUMA LIFE HOOPLAH
The Oniguma are related to other demonic yokai with the origin of animals that aged and gained power (for example, Bakeneko), but they are very different as well. Though they are demons, Oniguma are known for their size and strength, not mischief or magic. At a glance, one may think they are monsters due to their physical capabilities and commoner housings/lifestyle. These odd characteristics have placed them at the bottom of of demon society, though it has been heard that some have worked their ways up over time.

Ideals on social status differ from household to household. For example, Sid's family sits at the bottom rung with many other Onigumas, but they cling to the fact that they're still demons. His father looks down upon the other factions, varying levels based on each one, and even Monsters insisting they are nothing alike despite the similarities. His mother simply cannot be bothered with such trivial problems while being a hard working Oniguma, but when it comes to her son, she tries to keep him as open and accepting as she can. Sid himself is wary of other factions with his papa's advice that Reapers are "Useful and know their way around magic, but nothin' but damn trouble," and the Undead, "Just a buncha rotting bums not to be trusted." When Sid asked about Ghosts, his dad usually had no comment and often just grunts when they're mentioned, but with Monsters, his dad always seems to get worked up the most about them and sputters things like, "Damn it we're nothin' like 'em Sid. We're demons! Don't let nobody say otherwise."


OLD PRE-CRITIQUE FORM [ Sid 1.0 ]
AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Sidney
Nicknames: Sid
Gender: Male
Age: 15

Faction: Monster
Race: Onikuma - A large bear creature known for terrorizing villages by stealing horses and feared to eat humans. (http://hyakumonogatari.com/2013/05/28/onikuma-demon-bear/)


Natural Ability: Strength - legends say an Onikuma can move rocks that 10 men together can’t push.


Personality: Sid is a big, rugged looking student that doesn't exactly do making impressions, he just intimidates. The kid looks like your run of the mill grump who'd want to shove you to the floor if you get in his way, but Sid isn't as rough as he appears. This guy's just quiet and awfully simple minded, producing slow, plain sentences when he does speak.

This makes finding friends hard, but when it all works out, Sid cherishes friends and the worst comes out if he sees them in danger. That's when his brawn comes to use, but those who have really met Sid know he's really a big simple mama's boy. Sid loves his momma and the warm sweaters she makes for him.

Sid can't forget sleeping though, he loves that too. To pass the time, Sid always tries to take a nap. If not sleep, climb trees. Maybe climb trees and sleep in the trees. It's better than staring at the equine students, which he tends to do a lot without even really knowing it... Sid feels so hungry when he sees them, but his momma taught him, 'eating students not good thing' and so he often collects acorns, fish, and whatever goodies he can find to bring to his room and stash for snacks between meals.

Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Sid goes to school like his momma said so he can get bigger and smarter and scarier. His papa just said his damn son better go to school and shape up.

FEAR Ability: (Battle Cry) Crescent Claws - Sid's claws get bigger and thicker for a chance to slash crescents into his enemy's chest.


Physical Description:

Sid looks like a big grumpy teen (about 5'11") who went out to live in the wilderness, came back, and never shaved. He's got messy bed hair and baggy eyes from naps and a little beard goin' on.

Eye Colour: Brown
Hair Colour/Style: Black, messy & medium length. Kind of has a beard goin' on. Like a kid who dropped everything and went to live in the woods for a bit but not as hairy due to youth.
Skin Colour: Whatever color Asians or Europeans have nowadays. Really, I'm not picky. Onikuma come from Japan and Asian black bears have a common European ancestor with American black bears so there's a mix going on in his family.
Clothing Style/Colours: A good ole' warm sweater from his momma (halloweenieified of course), some really worn jeans and bare feet. He's a pretty simple guy.
Extra: Sid retains Asian black bear ears and a rinky-dinky bear tail, noticeable claws, and sharper teeth in human form.
References: I'm a dingus and I can't draw but I'll try somethin'.
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:27 pm
Hello! You requested crit so I am here to give it. C:

Overall, I like Sid - he sounds cute (which is kind of a weird thing to say about a demon bear). I would say that I think his faction should actually be demon, not monster. We have a number of Japanese yokai animals in the shop and they are all classified as Demons, and I think that would be appropriate for Sid as well.

If you'd like for Sid to be able to shapeshift into a bear form, too, you can take that as his Y1 natural ability, and take the strength one at Y2. (Or do the reverse!)

As for Sid's personality, it's quite basic - I can't tell you how many big, slow, softie students are on campus. It's a great starting point, but I want to know how Sid is different from other big softies! What makes him unique? I love the detail of him randomly staring at equine students - why does he do that? What else that he do that makes him Sid and not just Big Softie #32? Use the trope as a foundation and build a unique Sid-like house on it.

... That was kind of a weird metaphor, but you get what I mean, yes? :>

Overall, it's a good start - I would just encourage you to deepen his personality and to make the faction switch. His FEAR and physical description all look good, so if you look at those other issues you'll be well on your way to having a really strong quest. C: Feel free to ping me here or in PM if you have any questions~!

Gaufre
 

Sosiqui

Enduring Muse


Gaufre

Tipsy Sailor

PostPosted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:56 pm
Sosiqui
Thanks for the critique! I need a little more help with the faction category if you could help.

The article I used about the Onikuma mentioned they aren't actually Oni in this case, it's just what was used at that time to describe a big, scary bear. So though it was translated to demon bear, it actually wasn't a demon, but it is a Yokai which are just all kinds of supernatural things (ghosts, monsters, demons) in Japanese folklore. But then I did read that it was similar to the Bakeneko in that it gained power because it lived over a certain age and was so old.

The reason I went with monster was for what I mentioned above and the description they are just purely monstrous bears (not known for shape-shifting as far as I am aware since they are depicted as just a literal bear) that are large with a lot of strength and no real magical attribute. This seemed to match more with the monster race description.

Onikuma don't take on human-like appearance, are not physically weak, and do not shape-shift or have ties to magic, which were all features of the demons so this is why I didn't think they went in that class.

In the case the Onikuma are demons to make classifications easier in the world's settings, is it possible to set the Onikuma lifestyle very similar to monsters and even looked down upon for it by their demon comrades?

Sorry for all of this hubbub and thanks for any help. emotion_facepalm  
PostPosted: Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:02 pm
No problem! I think it would be possible to make an argument for Onikuma as monsters, I just went with demon because all the other yokai-class creatures for the most part ended up in demon or ghost (and I wouldn't go ghost with onikuma at all). We do have bakeneko in shop and they are demons so~ C: Kitsune are also demon-class.

And of course @ the lifestyle being more monsteresque and it having a negative result! That sounds like it would be more interesting than just straight monster, built in conflict and all. Of course individual demon characters would be free to react as they saw fit but overall they might be viewed more negatively - just like how undead are often viewed negatively, yet my own undead is paired up with a demon, haha.

Gaufre
 

Sosiqui

Enduring Muse


Gaufre

Tipsy Sailor

PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 9:22 am
Sosiqui
Whew managed to tweak stuff. I agree that the different lifestyle makes things more interesting interacting with each individual student, so thank you for all the help. u v u  
PostPosted: Mon Feb 10, 2014 3:43 pm
Gaufre
Sosiqui
Whew managed to tweak stuff. I agree that the different lifestyle makes things more interesting interacting with each individual student, so thank you for all the help. u v u


Yay! I like this conflict and have interest in hearing more about Sid :3 I think any critique I had has been well covered!  

Aazhie

Greedy Wolf

Reply
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