Welcome to Gaia! ::

This isn't entirely a sexuality love-story as much as it is just another unconventional love story.

I was in an abusive relationship for three years. Suckered into it and strapped in by my own, sick addiction to misery and negativity. Self hatred was a friend of mine, and something that had me bitter about relationships and skeptical about love.

A year and a half out of that relationship I had given up completely. I had been celibate that whole time not by choice, but everything was slowly numbing out. I had no desire to be with anyone, I had no desperate need to have that company anymore, and most importantly of all -- I didn't crave to be abused. I told you, it was sick before.

Well as I was walking into a building at my college campus, I thought I had figured it out, was able to really take this step for myself, and as I turn over my shoulder to see if anyone else was behind me to extend the open door to... HE runs right up behind me.

Needless to say, he did capture me a little bit. Quite attractive, but at that time we didn't exchange anymore than a "Thanks" and "Welcome". We both ended up going towards the stairs. On a normal day, I took an elevator as I need to get up to the third level for my class, but on that day the stairs seemed like a good balance to outweight my dietary choices for lunch later on.

He took the stairs, too.

We walked up the stairs awkwardly, both with our to-go coffees in hand as we got to the third floor. Still, silently and awkwardly, walking alongside one another. I was two hours early for some unknown reason, so I took a seat in the waiting area in the middle of all of the classroom doors. He took the seat next to me, and introduced himself.

From there we talked about career, classes, goals in life, and all of the little things that I missed talking to people about. He shared information on himself as did I and we had one of the most amazing conversations that I have had in quite some time. We both were early to our classes, and we both left for our classes at the same time without exchanging information.

I went into giddy school-girl mode but thought I'd never see that guy again. Who would come to class two hours early again to just talk to someone?

Well, we both sure did the next time we had our classes.

And then it became a pattern. And soon a dinner proposal. When we went to dinner I wasn't really sure what I was doing. I was eating dinner with a guy. Did that mean we were dating? Did that mean he really liked me? What if he expected a kiss? Did I remember how to kiss? s**t like that.

Dinner was super natural and we both got the messiest things on the menu. It was fun and we broke every first-date rule such as talking about politics and religion, to going on about marriage and kids --

That's when he laid it on me. He's a father of two kids. He has 50/50 custody.

Surely, I wasn't expecting this even in all of our conversations. He said he was nervous about telling me but wanted to tell me in a more efficient setting than at the school campus so that he'd at least get a chance to have a date with me. He also shared how he had been divorced for a year and a half, and hadn't thought much on dating anyone 'til he saw me.

The feeling was mutual.

I was reluctant with him having kids. Very reluctant. I'm in my early 20's. I don't need to "play Mom" anytime soon to someone else's kids. It wasn't what I was looking for. I really liked him and I thought he was a great guy, but this tid bit was eating at me. It wasn't until the second date that I confronted him about it, again.

One night, we went out for drinks and I drank far too much for my own good. Blame it on the atmosphere and my nervous habits, it just happened. I ended up word-vomiting every concern I have about him having two kids. Everything. Accusations, questions, statements, statistics that I could pull out of a slurred thought pattern, anything that I had on my mind just completely was dished out to him.

And you know what? He took it. He took it all. He explained everything and answered my questions honestly, good and bad, and he was so willingly open about it. So willingly. It almost melted my heart.

Six months in and I was still suckered to this guy who held doors open and talked to me like a girl should be talked to. He made me laugh, and I was having fun being his girlfriend. The kid thing soon became just a matter-of-fact thing.

He wanted me to meet his kids. I was reluctant. But I agreed. My fear? That I wouldn't adore his kids. Kids can get annoying. They're loud and gross and were never on my "list of things to have" for life. I'm not a fan of snot and tears and screams and phone-breakers in the least bit.

But his kids freakin' melted my heart. The oldest showed me his favorite toys and we all talked and their Dad explained who I was and we all had a little talk and it was just really.... surprisingly natural.

So I'm in my early 20's, with the love of my life after a year of ups and downs and unexpected happenings, laughing every day, with two kids who are super crazy but don't stray too far from their father's craziness, and we're all happy. Very, very happy.

It's not the practical story. It's not easy. It's not predicted. In fact, a lot of people can't believe I've chosen to stay. My Mom still hasn't come around to accepting it, and my family believe that I'm throwing my life away. But as I'm finishing my education this semester, spending the nights with an amazing guy, being more of a mentor than a mother to two, crazy kids... I couldn't be more confident in the happenings of my greatest life choices.

For once, I'm on the right path. And I'm going to accept that, even if no one else will.

My boyfriend and I decided to get together on the tilt-o-whirl at universal the day before my birthday. He's helping me realize my mom is beyond return batshit manipulative crazy, and I'm finally starting to stop being affected by her s**t and stand up for myself, and plan to move out as soon as I graduate and get away from her. We think we're soulmates and are totally awesome.