Welcome to Gaia! ::

He returned from the hunt, Fear fresh and bringing a harvest back to the clans. He felt good, he felt relaxed, and he could no longer seem to hide from his own thoughts. He had known this was coming, knew that there would come a time when he had to contemplate the decisions he needed to make and he needed to own up to his status, one way or another.

A priestess had asked him to be her guardian. Not just any priestess though. A friend. A lover. Someone he was close to. Someone who he would likely devote a huge portion of his life to.

And he knew it would have to be, if not complete, close to it. He had resisted monogamy since the isles fell, and he had his reasons. He could not bear to once again have someone so close, so dear, and then have them ripped away. And he was not strong enough to protect someone fully, the fall of the isles had proven that. Not that a priestess was weak by any means, but his duty was to see that they never had to worry about it.

And he knew that even if he accepted, even if he chose to become her guardian, that did not mean that he was entirely hers, body and soul. Many guardians did not sleep with their priestesses, or were not exclusive. But he knew himself. Knew what deep down he wanted, and knew that regardless of what she wanted, if he placed her first, day in, day out, it was only a matter of time for himself. He doubted she would mind, but it was still something to be considered.

And the truth was, he was being a colt about this whole situation. He knew it, but the thought of moving on made the ring on his neck feel like lead. He knew what Astridr would say. She would mock him, she would tease him.

She would tell him to move on.

And if there was a mare he could move on with, it would be her. He knew that. And he knew that was why he resisted as much as he did. Because it would be too easy. Too easy to stay at her side, watching her mismatched eyes for cues and caressing her dark skin. He saw things in the marketplace and longed to buy them for her, not any great gift, but just to see a smile at some trinket that had made him think of her.

He wasn't ready. But maybe he could be ready.

But even if he put all that aside, knowing that if she was willing to accept it, he would belong to her and only her. He was ready to try to let someone take up permanent residence in his hear, there was something else bothering him. Plaguing him.

Astridr had died.

If he had stayed by her side, perhaps she would have lived. If he had done something differently, made different decisions, questioned his choices, maybe she would still be here. And could he really take responsibility for someone else now? Was he ready for it? Could he actually be trusted with so great a task?

Perhaps it was time to take new lessons, renew his skills. Seek out the advice of one of the elders to see where his position lay. Practice more, train more. If he wanted to be someone to serve her, someone she could be proud of, he would have to first make himself worthy of her. And that could only start with him.