[PRP] First light [Kaen & Radha]

[CitrusCupcake]

"I know." Radha said. Simple, just two little words. She'd known all along, the guilt that had followed her around had never been about her decision to help the foal, a large part of that had been because her decisions had meant she had lost the time with her daughter. It was nice to hear from someone else though, a confirmation of all that she held dear to herself, that was an intrinsic part of who she was. She healed, and tried to do no harm.

"It would be nice to think so." she knew that once someone had moved on there wasn't anything more she could do, all she could do was give the best healing and help she had to offer in the time she had with a patient. She fell into a thoughtful silence, wondering if she should finish her tale. Wondering if she could face the rest of the painful memories. He had to know though, it seemed as if he wanted to be in her life and she needed, wanted an honest relationship, so let out a short breath before continuing.

"If you're wondering how the council found out about what I had done..." she paused, the betrayal still stung, though it lessened over the years.

"My mate told them. He thought, well, he told me during our last few moments together that he thought for sure that they would find out eventually and that they might be merciful if we confessed and showed contrition."

She snorted lightly at the memory, glancing at Kaen and managing to find a soft smile for him.

"He was mistaken. I was to be beaten and banished, he and my daughter were to also be banished. They were deemed complicit in my crime, but as neither of them were healers they thought it crueler to have them see me injured and not be able to do anything about it." she turned her face away from Kaen, her voice was thick with emotion and for a few moments she felt lost in the sadness of her memories. She pushed on.

"There were one or two in the herd that were sympathetic, I'd done much for their families and so they helped me and my daughter escape. We had to seperate, I knew that she would be punished more if she was found with me and she was given a home in a distant herd that took in waifs and strays."

Radha paused again, her tale was almost done and she took a few more drifting steps before speaking once more.

"He...my first mate, he." she was stumbling on her words, another portion of her guilt was tied up in his fate. Had he but kept quiet. There were so many what-ifs surrounding the whole affair that she could get mired in them forever if she let herself do so.

"I found out later that my punishment had become his, and the rumour was that he had died." she turned to Kaen again, wondering what he thought of her now.

"So. That's everything. I stayed far away for a long time, but eventually I got the nerve to face my old home lands and search for my daughter. I found a place I liked and I'm available to whoever has need of me." she gave a half smile.

"Sorry. That got heavy. Still want to be that selfless soul?" she asked, trying to sound as if it was no matter either way but the more they talked, the more she felt he could be very special to her indeed.

Huroggmeten

I had such a goofy smile on my face when I got the quote & read your lovely reply <3
Sorry if it's rambly, been a while since I rp'ed XD;

 

[Huroggmeten]

Kaen felt a warm little glow, one borne of sharing, mutual trust and admiration of this lovely soul. He felt closer, and for once that did not scare him.

He waited, one ear fixed on her as she begun to share how she had been betrayed. And his warm little glow went up in a roaring blaze of fury.
He fumed silently, rage coursing through his veins as he breathed evenly and steadily. Forced himself to breath. Calmly.
Yes. That's it... his muscles tensed despite his best efforts, his movements barely restrained. He felt completely and utterly disgusted and infuriated by this stallion's behavior. First, to try to gain status with her natural ability, then to betray her? To break her trust, their bond, over- he did not deserve her. The breath came quick in his nostrils, just once, and he blew out steadily.
It was hard to attack an opponent lost to time.

But, he didn't really want to resort to violence, not really.
He wanted to get this lovely mare away from them, those that did not deserve her, to a safe place like this one where she could practice her art free of bigotry and bias. And, true, he wanted to go back there and give that.. that... coward a piece of his mind. To tell him that he should have dismissed the foolish notions of the many, to stand by his mate, to be her shield her protector her loyal companion and confidant, as such a relationship should be- to not be a coward, when the opportunity presented itself!
It took bravery, to be a better soul.

But what did he know of bravery?
A tendril of regret floated up, again, at his own past behaviors.
But he could be a better stallion. For himself, to ensure that no past mistakes reincarnated in the present as foolish actions. And, perhaps.... For her.
For this little whisper of a bond that was just beginning to form.

He was outraged anew at the determined punishment, felt gratitude for those that had helped her and her daughter flee, and felt a measure of justice done at her mate's fate. He did not believe in punishment, in violence for betrayal, but... yes. He felt a guilty whisper of satisfaction, at that.
He met her eyes, and was sure that that little whisper showed.
He looked away, slightly ashamed that he had reacted as any protective sort might, more so that he had been for a moment so furious that he would have, perhaps... lashed out. Never at her, never at any innocent but at the monster... yes, he would attack the villains of times past.
If a target had formed from the misty memories that brought them closer.
Her apology slipped away, and he heard only her last question.

"Radha." He looked up at the sky, letting its cleansing visage watch over him. Entranced as he was in her tale, he had not prepared himself for such strong emotional and physical reactions.
It had been some time since he had felt anything at all.

"I feel alive." his bald honesty- was that really an answer? "Here, with you. I feel..." he felt many things, all at once, and he was not sure all of them were good.
But he knew one thing for sure: he did not feel alive because of her story, because of adrenaline or because of emotions rekindling inside. He felt alive because of her cleansing, healing presence.
Because of her. "It would be my honor to tend for one who can help so many. To tend for you, when you must give everything you have to healing. You heal, just by being here... and, if needed, I would do what a healer must not." Was he really telling her, one so devoted to mending damage, that he would defend and protect to the point of causing harm?
He thought that she would even tend one of her former herdmates, if they were in need.
So selfless, so pure...
He looked at her, feeling rather helpless at this desperate thought.
"It is a dark, heavy thing to share, but it does not feel burdensome." His voice was earnest and sure, still deep and melodious but with a hint of something more. "I want to know, You. I want you to know me." he sighed, just once, gently. "I want to be here, for you, when you need it. I want to give you space, when it is required. I want to..."
He felt a tiny bit silly, listening to his own words, but he could not shake the truth.

"I want to be there for you." He looked away, to give her a moment's peace.
To share such a heart-wrenching story, and be told that this new stallion, practically a stranger, had all sorts of wants and desires and practically... well, what was he doing? Sharing, in turn.

He tucked his wants carefully into a ball and shoved them down, waiting to hear her response.
If she.. well.

The power was hers.

## CitrusCupcake

emotion_kirakira I squee'd!
Lovely.

*pats Kaen* There, there. xd

(Sorry for the repeat quotes xD)

 

[CitrusCupcake]

Radha was unaware of the storm of emotions that had passed through Kaen as she spoke, all she had known whilst speaking was that she hoped that at the end he wouldn't think less of her. She hoped to eventually mend her relationship with her daughter, and that whilst she could never bring back the missing years, they could have the rest of their lives to make memories together. And maybe she could eventually forgive herself for what she saw as her part in her first mates demise.

She looked up at Kaen when he spoke her name.

"Yes?" she answered, softly, falling quiet again as he continued to speak, finding herself drifting closer to him. She let out a barely audible sigh, relief that the bare bones of her past had not caused him to think any less of her. Quite the contrary it would seem, she listened as he spoke with feeling, words which caused her to feel as she wasn't sure she'd ever felt. Cared for. Protected.

"I wouldn't want you to get hurt. Not for me." she said, when he'd fallen quiet, when she'd found her voice after his outpouring. His heart had opened to her, and it felt really soon, but was it possible to ever know everything about somebody? She'd known Sohalia's father for years, they'd been foalhood friends and yet..

"I..I want to be there for you in the same way. To listen, to keep you company." she smiled before adding;
"To help you sleep. And when you can't, even with the help of herbs, I want to look at the stars with you."

Lightly she brushed her nose under his chin.

"I mean..if you're okay with that." she said, boldness departing all of a sudden and leaving her fidgeting like a lovestruck filly.

Huroggmeten

Dying of the cute XD

 

[Huroggmeten]

He smiled, his heart warmed further by her words.
He had put himself out there, again. Caught up in feeling. And found that he was not spurned.
Her words soothed his spirit and substantiated his declarations.

Of course, she did not wish for him to come to harm, and neither did he her. Ever. That was what protection was for, was it not? Perhaps she might feel better if he claimed to be doing that for all those she might help, present and future, but he knew that that would be untrue. Yes, part of what he wished to preserve was her ability to help so many as she had helped him, but he wished to protect the mare herself, just for being her, too.
And, it seemed, she wished to protect him, too.
From sleep deprivation, from the ghosts of the past that seemed so distant now, all but his failure to his children in their youth faded away. From loneliness, should sleep fail to come. From...

The light touch, just a gentle confirmation, a sweet ending to her words, froze him and set him afire anew. He blinked, he breathed, he waited for the delightful shiver to pass. He looked at her.

"I would be honored." he smiled, and warmth poured from his gaze. "To be at your side. As long as you wish." As long as we both shall live. My life... I would like to spend it with you.
He reached out, returning her gentle touch with one of his own.
A brief, respectful, warm and comforting brush of his forehead against her cheek.

If asked, he would not have considered her move bold. He was offering himself to her, as guardian and companion, so why should she not take some comfort in their touch?
If she wished?

He turned slightly, still beside her and yet giving her some semblance of privacy to collect her thoughts.
He would not ask too much, he would not push, he was comforted simply by being near her. To think that she wanted those little... extra... touches, though her intention may be innocent and pure, was ... wonderful, but he was not here simply to benefit from their encounter.
He wanted to be someone who she could benefit from, too.
Even if that meant just being here, doing what he could, lending her his strength or his ear.
Whatever she needed.
For she was all he could ever hope for. She was real.

CitrusCupcake

*sputters out* xd !!
Okay, okay, I just. Had to decide what he'd do in response.

 

[CitrusCupcake]

It was the softest, briefest of touches, and yet it felt like everything to Radha. She'd not let another stallion touch her since she had fled her herd, and for a fleeting moment she thought of the last one that had done so, so very long ago. She took the moment he was giving her, getting a handle on the emotions, the memories that had been stirred. She pushed down the frisson of fear, the trepidation that had popped up. This was different, she was older, and hopefully wiser and she wanted dearly for this to be it, the time she could open her heart again, and let a good soul in.

Kaen was that good soul. She could feel it. She let out a breath, almost a sigh, shaking herself. Shaking off the past, the memories and silently said goodbye to her first mate. She knew that from time to time she would remember. But that would become less and less as she made new and good memories. Memories that she would want to keep, and remember often. And maybe...
Oh no! She wouldn't leap to that thought yet. Far too soon and she realised that she must have been lost in thought for quite a while, and that maybe Kaen would wonder if she was okay. She turned to face him and smiled.

"Sorry. Lost in so many thoughts there." she took a step towards him, bringing her nose a hairs breadth within his, her expression soft as she looked at him. She felt that, no she knew, that if they continued this way she was not far from finding herself in love with him, which was a heady thought that she kept to herself for now. One might think it too soon, and if things went as her heart hoped, she would be spending much more time in his company. Time to let these feelings grow, to become fully comfortable in each others company and to...love.

"I'm all yours now. What did you want to do?" she asked, a touch of mischief in her expression now.

Huroggmeten

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply ^_^;

 

[Huroggmeten]

It felt like something had settled into place.
Things were.. okay, again. He had seen a flicker of something go through her when he had returned her touch, and so for a moment had felt as though he should withdraw- defend her- something! anything- but then... the gentlest of breaths, and all was okay again. And she smiled. And the world was beautiful.

"I understand; sometimes thoughts take hold, and must be worked through before life may continue." he honestly didn't know how many times he'd been stricken by a thought, frozen in a moment of swirling chaos or pounding memory, but found that after sharing some things with her it was.. easier, to live fully in the present moment. Wiser, perhaps, from past experience, and appreciating the splendor of merely existing at her side ever more, not quite as haunted or torn up about things that he may have once feared to speak aloud.

His mind went utterly blank for a moment at her mischievous expression, then he returned her grin with a sparkling eye.
"Anything? Everything?" so long as i'm with you.

"Is there anything you might wish to do that you haven't done for a while? Something relaxing, comforting?" he paused "Exciting? There are waterfalls nearby, or perhaps a meadow nestled in the mountains- wild herb foraging in a new place, or visiting one that has had time to replenish?" he didn't know exactly how that worked, but he assumed it was best to let an area recuperate before taking more, especially if one wished to maintain harmony with the natural world- he knew that some two-leggeds cultivated what they needed, but he was quite sure most of his kind hadn't learned the craft yet... she might wish to do something useful, with purpose, as well; so he did not wish to suggest only truly leisurely things.
She may have just tended her own garden, but surely there were some things that could only be grown in wild places?
Surely not all things in nature could be replicated so easily?
He was quite sure her existence was rather naturally harmonious, and would not be surprised if her garden was truly a haven for all living things; but, it was perhaps the easiest thing to think of. When all the lands were laid out ahead, starting with an interest or calling was easy enough.
What did she enjoy on her days of rest?

He wondered, vaguely, whether she wished to travel or remain close to what is known. How might others find her, if they were in need of aid? Even on a day of (exhilarating) rest? Such a wonderful being.
New experiences, new shared memories.
Yes, he wanted to do anything- so long as it was with her. And, more so, he wanted to make those little decisions together, whenever they were together, to move through life together and create something new and wondrous.
It might be nice to orchestrate some dazzling surprise, something to make her laugh with pleasure, someday- but, for now?
It would be nice to explore what the world had to offer, upon shared whim or impulse, seen through eyes now refreshed after so long looking inward and at past grievances. Together.

"Perhaps even a lakeside clearing? The water may be refreshing on such a day." There were wild apples nearby, a cute little spot that had all the necessities. It was beautiful today, and just breathing the fresh air where a pool flowed from one river to the next- down from the mountains and out to the sea- may be a nice outing. Perhaps, someday, the sea? There was so much of the world, and he seemed to embrace it all with new light.
He smiled at the mare beside him. Where to?

xx CitrusCupcake

No trouble at all ahhh heart So glad to have their story continue~

xx Edited ~

Sorry if it quoted you again, just added a little line. xD or five- done. xD