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[Q] Kiyoshi [Ghost / Will-o-Wisp] [CRITS PLS]

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LOLTERNATIVE

Super Trash

PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 6:13 am
User ImageAMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Kiyoshi
Nicknames: Kiyo, Whisper
Gender: Boy~
Age: Appears to be 12/13 real age unknown

Faction: Ghost
Race: Wisp / Will-o-Wisp

Natural Ability: Summon wisps; Kiyoshi summons 3 hitodama. They give off a bright glow and though they look identical, Kiyoshi knows the difference between all three and has named them. They are his nakama.

Personality:
- Invisible Not in the literal sense, of course. Kiyoshi is very shy and as a result, isn't very forward or social. For this reason, he often goes unnoticed by others and drifts in the shadows, silently. He's likely to avoid large crowds if it can be helped and is not above phasing or using his wisps as a distraction to get away if he finds himself in an uncomfortable or awkward situation.
+ Observant Being invisible - or going unnoticed - has its advantage though and Kiyoshi is very observant of his surroundings and others. While others are having a conversation - private or otherwise - the boy is watching intently, learning information and studying the interactions. He gossips with his hitodamas and keeps diaries of interesting things he witnesses/secrets he hears etc'.(fomo)f creeper.

+ Curious Kiyoshi is a very curious creature - which is why he's so observant and content with going unnoticed. He likes to figure out how things work, why things were done. As shy as he is, however, it's rare for him to seek out others to explain things to him and so he either has to go hunting for an answer himself or leave his questions unanswered (which is pretty hard for him to do so this may be one of the few - if not one of the only - times he would seek out interaction with others).
- Borrower HIs curious nature, however, combined with his shy tendencies means he will often borrow items that have piqued his interest without asking. Often times he will return them when his curiosity has been sated, however there have been some instances where the item has been unable to be returned (he's.. pulled it apart and can't put it back together or he's grown attatched to it..) and so he will replace the item with one he thinks is of equal value. o u o

+ Friendly Kiyoshi is kind at the end of the day - it just takes time for him to come out of his shell. At first, it is unlikely he will talk or not be an awkward mess but if you let him get comfortable he'll be an A+ friend and you will become his nakama.
- Clingy Because it's hard for him to make friends / open up to others he is likely to cling to the few friends he has. It's likely this will be something he will /try/ to control and he'll back off if someone tells him to (but it may upset him / they may not see him for some time while he licks his wounds).


Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Education, of course!

FEAR Ability: The Barrier Kiyoshi's wisp protect him - or his desired target - and take the intended damage.
Physical Description:

Eye Colour: Glowy blue/white (though they can't be seen really)
Hair Colour/Style: fringe covers his eyes; hair fades to transparent whispiness; short style like Haku white / blue
Skin Colour: Ghosty blue/white
Clothing Style/Colours: Short kimono; white w/ blue flower design. (see ref) anything else you feel that will suit him idk. *O*
Extra: + His hands are pulled inside his sleeves so you can't really see them
+ His legs fade to being transparent.
+ I'd love for his pose to be similar to the one in the ref / with him covering his face w/ his sleeves partially. (think boo in mario when you look at them)
+ ref is really good for general colour scheme.
+ few wisps floating around him; Japanese spirit looking :>
+ Very childish looking

References: x ( this is a pr. good ref just have all the colours pretty uniform / matching )  
PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 7:09 pm
Crit time maybe!

I dont really see anything wrong with him ouo he's quite adorable and well rounded in my opinion though! Maybe have a description for Nakama? I dont know what it means OTZ Viva fails at this crit thing Im sorry ;D;

LOLTERNATIVE
 

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Baneful
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Dramatic Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2015 5:46 am


This guy is very cute and he looks perfectly fine to me as he is, any suggestions I make are really nothing to do with his enrolment which looks excellent but potential random thoughts on things? Like in practical rp I'm very interested to see how he balances out his desire to observe with his curiosity and friendliness. Is he comfortable with social interactions at all? Would the other person have to be very pushy to interact with him or would they simply need to hold their ground or track him down out of curiosity? Are there ways you could explore his clinginess, for instance with the combination of curiosity and clinginess is there potential for him to become a little obsessive and misinterpret friendships, is he confident despite his natural shyness or is it borne of a lack of self-esteem on his part?

I love the idea of a floaty wisp student distracting and watching people, and I'm very excited to see how a very solitary and leading/fae sort of creature learns to deal with the very social atmosphere of the school.

The barrier is also pretty damn spot on for a fear imo biggrin

 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2015 4:07 pm
こんにちわ なかま! O D O/

Your ghost boy is just adorable!! I wanna hug him if I can, since he's a ghost y'know > >

He's well rounded with his positives and negatives as the other said, but Baneful mention some very good points too to think about for future rps and it makes me excited to see how he will do. Like what would he do if at least a person notice and approach him? And I think the fear has to have a name? What does he call his barrier move? I think that's somewhere in the information maybe. I don't remember, but I might be wrong > >;;

But so far I really like him so much, and I wish you all the luck to get him enroll~
 

Miidnight Melody

Feisty Bunny

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