Sekhmet stood silently on the edge of a cliff looking down over the crashing waves of the ocean. Her eyes were closed and she let out a sigh onto the wind. The few black and red feather that adored her begin were now faded with the relentless march of time. They were her last reminder of him. At this point, did she really want to remember him? She learned so much after he disappeared. It left her heart pained. So here she stood, feeling like she had for ages. Numb.
This wasn't what she imaged in her twilight years. She felt so old. Old and alone. When was the last time she smiled? She couldn't remember. What had she done with her life so far? Not much. Most of her children were missing. She had learned some horrible things about him from one of her sons...She still couldn't believe it.
To just walk off and not open her wings.
Would anyone miss her? She couldn't answers that anymore. Years before she would have said yes. Her mate and her children. They would have missed her. But now they were all gone. Mostly gone. There were still her two sons with her. Two of her five sons and one daughter. So many near here were just gone, Just like leaves on the wind. What happened to her? To her life? She wasn't too sure.
It all just made her heart ache.
"You're not doing what I think you are, right mother?"
Sekhmet let a held breath escape her lips as she turned to face the quietest of her sons. "Nabu."
The male tilted his head as he watched his mother. "Are you thinking again mother? You've been out here 'thinking' a lot lately."
Sekhmet let out a sigh. "It helps me collect my thoughts Nabu."
"I believe you need to stop collecting your thoughts mother." The stallion moved to stand beside Sekhmet. "I think you need to speak about this."
"About what?"
"Everything mother. It will help."
"I don't think it will Nabu." Sekhmet went silent again. "It's just so much." The tone of her voice turned somber.
"Which is why you should speak about it. You can't hold this in anymore. Not by yourself."
"Nabu, you're my son. You shouldn't have to worry yourself with my problems."
"You still treat me like a child mother. I've seen my way around the plains myself. Please. Talk to me."
Sekhmet went silent as she looked away from her son. "It's just so much. Nabu..."
"Then from the top. Talk to me about father."
Erik.
Even just thinking of his name made the mare drop her head. "I just...Still can't believe it. How could he..." Sekhmet was holding back. She didn't want to cry in front of her youngest son. "How could he disown Aureate without telling me? How could he make my son believe I also knew about it? It's not right. I would have never..." Sekhmet choked back her words. She wasn't handling speaking about this. She wasn't too sure how to put her thoughts into words. "I loved him so much but I would never abandoned my children. It was bad enough he just disappeared but to also find that out? When was he going to tell me? How long had spent the night close to him as he held that information away from me? I'm so angry I'm so hurt I'm so...Conflicted." Sehkmet couldn't stop the words once she started. There was just so much she had been holding in.
"You loved him but he betrayed you mother. That's understandable." Nabu was quiet. "It's hard to see someone for who they really are."
"I was with him for so long. How could I have not seen it? We had our difficult moment but I I could never imagen disowning your own child. How many years did I miss with Aureate because of him? What kind of a bad mother let this happened to her family?"
"You're not a bad mother." Nabu looked to her and shook his head. "You can't know everything."
"It's still my fault."
"It's not your fault mother. Aureate knows you had nothing to do with what happened now. You you have tons of time to make it up to him."
"Do I? I'm so old now. So tired."
"And full of knowledge now." Nabu gave his mother a soft smile. "You've been like this for so long. It's time to let go of all the hurt now mother."
"All I've been doing is hurting Nabu. I don't know how not to hurt anymore."
"You can start with the feathers."
"The feathers Nabu?"
"The ones from him. Do you wish to continue to be tied to the pain he caused you?"
Sekhmet took a minute to think. "No. I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm so tired of not feeling anything."
"You still have a lot of life to live mother. We all do. No matter how bleak everything seems right now." With his words Nabu helped his mother remove the old black and red feathers on her being. She looked so different without them but this was for the best. He placed them down at her hooves. "When you are ready mother."
She felt naked without them. Those feathers had been apart of her being so years. They were the last items she had of him. Besides her children. Was this really right?
He hurt her. So badly. As much as she loved him he her so badly. She just couldn't forgive him. Sekhmet looked out into the vast water below the both of them. If she let go of them, there was no coming back. This was it. She'd be letting go of him forever. This was final. She...
She didn't want to hurt anymore.
Sekhmet closed her eyes and kicked her hoof, sending the old feathers twirling down into the deep blue. She let out a soft sob as tears formed in the corner of her eyes. Just like that it was over.
She didn't feel any better.
Nabu could see this was hard for his mother. It had been years and years. All she really knew was her mate, his father. "I know mother. This is for the best." Nabu nuzzled his head under his mother's. "It will take time. It's ok to hurt. You've kept it all to yourself for so long but it's ok. It will get better. I promise."
"I hope so." There was a great comfort of just being with her son. She was ready. She was moving on and she was going to heal.
In time the pain would fade. For now, she could still not be ok.
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