Punishments

[Funkyblueeyes]

What do the people of the got goth? guild think about punishments? Which one's are ethical and which one's are just wrong?
Do we spank our children, or send them to bed without supper? Do we ground them, and if so, what from? Will any of these actually help?

Let's use an example. Your teenager just came home with a failing report card, and now their summerschool money is coming out of your pocket. How do you punish them? How don't you?  

[MortSanglant]

There is nothing wrong with corporal punishment, as long as it's executed for the right reasons and as long as the child understands those reasons. Never hit a child because you are angry. Ever.

I do not believe in time outs. There is nothing harsh about a time out; it won't get the point across to the child of the severity of disobeying his parents.

Grounding is a good method once the child is older and can better understand consequences and punishments. But small children find it hard to comprehend exactly what occurs in the process of disobedience and punishment. They can understand "Don't do what Mommy says not to or I'll get spanked."

People think that if you hit a child then it'll be violent when it gets older. That's bull. I was spanked many times for disobeying my parents as a child. I do not resort to violence in any situation. The concern expressed for children potentially displaying violent behaviour due to corporal punishment is valid in the cases where parents fail to help the child understand why he's being struck. Or the cases where the parents hit out of anger. Even in cases such as that children won't always wind up violent.

And concerning the hypothetical situation you've given, I have this situation going on right now in my own home. My 16 year old brother has to go to summer school. The way my parents handled it is he's paying for it himself. It costs about $125. He has to get there himself, and he has no license or car for that matter. So he rides his bike. He's lost the privilege of the computer, a birthday party, and spending time with his friends. He's really shaped up due to this. This is how I would handle the situation. If they were too young to have money of their own and get to the school on their own I would just keep a bill so that when they did get their first job, they'd be reimbursing me first paycheque(s) they got.

 

[Dracula Vampirate]

Although I can see where corperal punishment would help in the raising of a child, I'm against it personaly. My mother never hit me at all and I've grown, I think, to be a reasonable human being. I think I've only been grounded once or twice for grade issues in middle school and after being grounded for a day or two, I had learned my lesson. It all depends on the person and the situation.  

[Choboxer]

stare If you had clearly communicated with the child before hand there is no need to hit.

Pain does not teach, it seeds resentment.

i would know evil


I purposly fail school in order to go to summer school. Its free here. Summer school here is were they actully test you on what you know, what you have learned and what you are able to learn. Where as normal school smashs your face into a regents with no clue how to go about passing.

If my son failed school, I would fully support him going to summer school becuse the summer schools here are much better for him anyways.  

[An Angels Bloody Past]

When I get grounded I think weee... Normal I am getting yelled at the stay out of my room...Getting told to go there...hellI race you up the stairs... I have paper and pen pencil and a good book I will stay in there till i I am 18 and its time for me to leave...

Spanking? Teachs nothing... Sure it hurts but after so many times you dont feel it...or it becomes a good feeling...

to bed with out supper...hell just lock them in a closet with a bag over there head...punish not kill...  

[[ Die Katze ]]

I think hitting your children is very wrong, and that there's other methods to punish your child, like taking priveledges away and such.

Now, my parents spanked me, and I have a vile hatred for them and it's really hard to get along with them most of the time, because they still threaten me.

Now, my brother and I get away with A LOT more than what my older siblings did [ They're almost 39 and 37 ] but that still doesn't mean anything. My older brother that still lives at home [ He's 22 ] got away with pretty much everything, and still does, actually.

Like he hits me, and I tell my dad. I get the blame for it. Anyway, I'm off topic I think.

A parent should never hit a child because they're angry. That's just wrong. And it's scarred me for life because my parents did it to me.

 

[Illuminee]

As for me, I have been growing up where my dad hits me.
It used to hurt me a lot but I realized he did it for my own good.
He doesn't do it anymore now that I have grown into my teens but he's still very strict.
I realize that hitting your children is wrong, if not for the correct reasons.
But, I think I have learned a lot.
I won't hit my child or children but I will give punishments like grounding them or scolding.
That's the only way they will learn.

 

[lurichan]

I have some rather mixed views on punishments. I'm never planning on children, but I do know that my mom was pretty effective at managing me (most of the time). She would sometimes spank when I was a small child, followed up by a time out to think over what I had done, but she wasn't malicious about it. She would occasionally take away a privilage or something extra that I wanted if I was naughty, but she wouldn't ground me for things. She always saw grounding as ineffective and more of a punishment to herself then to me.
She couldn't take away my allowance since I didn't get one. razz If I wanted to earn money around the house I could mow the lawn, do dishes, and various other chores that each had a set monitary amount.

Overall I think my mom did a decent job with me, so I really can't complain too much even if I did hate it as a child. It did help that a lot of times she would sit down and talk with me over why I was being punished and what I felt I should do to change things so that the same situations wouldn't occur again. She always took a geniune and active interest in me.. and I can never thank her enough for that.  

[KoRnfucius]

I'm not sure how to punish a child, but it doesn't matter because I don't plan on having any. However, I will say this. Please do not beat your children. I was abused as a kid by my mother, and apparently there are lingering effects to this day. Seriously not cool.  

[mee_shee]

beating children is wrong

i will never hit my kids, nor will i ever let my husband do it, no matter what

sending them off to bed without supper is f-d up too, i don't believe in using starvation as a freakin punishment. that's as wrong as hitting them.

grounding can work depending on the child.

time outs for the little ones.

as for the report card ... i'd make it come out of my child's allowence, or make them get a job to pay for it. if not than they just would have to suffer through another year of the same grade. i'd probly ground them too.

but then again ... it all depends on how hard they tried and whether or not they did their best.  

[91_green bottles]

Funkyblueeyes

What do the people of the got goth? guild think about punishments? Which one's are ethical and which one's are just wrong?
Do we spank our children, or send them to bed without supper? Do we ground them, and if so, what from? Will any of these actually help?

Let's use an example. Your teenager just came home with a failing report card, and now their summerschool money is coming out of your pocket. How do you punish them? How don't you?

I think that you should explain to the child what is wrong with their actions, and agree with them on a suitable punishment should they do it again. This prevents them from feeling "badly done to".  

[Angel Bruja]

Depends on the crime or act committed.  

[Dirzdra]

I don't know how I would act, but I know I've gotten too smart, so most punishments don't effect me at all.

hitting-I got used to it as a kid. It doesn't work. I'd go and do stupid things anyways. Now I'm a masochist, go figure. Anyways, If the kid doesn't understand what they did was wrong and how it was wrong, it most definately won't work.
Also, it's not uncommon that when the parents see hitting won't work, they'll just go a little bit farther each time in hope it will. This didn't happen to me, thankfully.

grounding-Lol, this is a pathetic form of punishment. Another thing the kid just becomes dull to. None of us really need to be social if we see people at school, especially people we like. Now, I stay inside so much that my mom doesn't consider this a punishment for me, either.

lack of privilages-Kids just sit in front of the T.V.. Privilage, sure, but if you keep them off it long enough, you'll realize they don't truly care. Taking away toys is even more pathetic since any kid can make anything into a toy. No snacks. Okay, that's a healthy punishment, but it won't exactly make them learn. Plus, they can get all that at most schools now.

starvation-Once again, the kid won't learn. They'll either become sneaky and find ways to get food or go along with it anyways. If a kid is starved too often, it is considered neglect, a form of abuse. There have been countless cases where kids have died from starvation. I think it was only about a month the average ADULT can go with out food before death.
Common sense says it's a lot less for kids.

Now, my little brother is in the whole situation with the grades, too. The thing is, he doesn't care for his grades, so he didn't even bother turning in the slip. Even if he did, he wouldn't go. Sure, my mom would probably kick him out, but he'd just go somewhere else. And, if she got so desperate as to drop him off the school herself, she'd have to pay for the transportation. Also, he's done this before, too, he'd find a way to get the school to kick him out. Summer school usually has a zero tolerance policy, so acting up a few days in a row is enough to get him kicked out. By the way, summer school here is free.

What ever the parent does, there needs to be some sort of communication understood from both sides of what is right and what is wrong. My brother has been spoiled to the core since he was a baby, and he needs serious counseling at this point because he has anger problems and is diagnosed with ADHD. The way you treat a kid at the start can greatly effect how they come out as adults.

The only good unsuccessful punishment has done for me is that it is much easier for me to find loop holes in anything. Unfortunately, I am also argumentative and stubborn.  

[Argetlam13]

If my child were to make me pay for something, not just as a punishment, I will make him/her work for what he/she wnats. Of course this will only begin at a certain age, but none the less, it will happen. When I say not just as punishment, I mean if they want to go to the movies, they will have to exchange the money I loan them for work. This is what I have done for most of my life, and it taught me a lesson. Nothing in life is free...