I need help.

[Ezinu]

So here is the story: I moved in with my boyfriend after his ex left him (like actually left him- just went to work one day and never came back.)

Year later, she contacts him and they both decide that they want to stay friends. I say it’s Ok, thinking that it wouldn’t bother me, she’s not a threat. She still isn’t a threat, even after she asked him if he wanted to get back together and called him up recently, blabbing about how he was the best thing to happen in her life; I still was hospitable.

The more contact they have, though, the more jealous and threatened I become. I'm very territorial with who I’m dating. I have tried ignoring it, telling myself that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I just hate her and I don’t know what to do about it. I know hate is a strong word, but she hurt the man I love very badly, and I can’t forgive her for that. The problem is she doesn’t seem like that bad of a person- just very materialistic- so I even feel like I shouldn’t hate her since I don’t know her well.

I was wondering if there are any spells or ANY advice you can give me to help to let go of this anger.  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

I'm rather a fan of the witch ladder, so my spell would be this.

Take three lengths of yarn of three different colours. I'd suggest red, orange, and yellow, but if something else symbolizes anger to you, go with that. They should be about three feet long each. Tie them at the top, then proceed to braid the strings together. Try to make it as even as possible, and if possible make it rhythmic enough that you slip into a trance while doing the braiding. Concentrate on your hate, on your anger. See it, feel it going into the material in your hands, know that the braid you will have represents perfectly what you feel to this woman what you don't want to feel. Pour all your negativity into it.

When you're done, tie it at the bottom as well. Then, take a knife, scissors, whatever, and cut the braid. Try to make it a nice clean cut. While cutting the cord, say something to the point of "as I cut this braid, so do I cut this anger from my life," or something that states your intention. After that, burn the two pieces, and burry the ashes somewhere, preferably away from you. Tossing them in running water might be good as well.  

[Ezinu]

um would pouring them down the drain while the water is running work i dont really have a yard or anything that i can go digging up :/  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

Probably, just make sure that they don't get stuck. Toilet might also be good, as then you associate the remnants as waste that you shun 3nodding  

[Ezinu]

ooo that might be a very good idea. relations are nice things.  

[Ezinu]

i think ill use black instead of yellow though because yellow is such a happy color to me.  

[Ezinu]

and is there a reason why it should be 3 feet?  

[Jameta]

mouseyanna

and is there a reason why it should be 3 feet?

Allows working room, me thinks.  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

A cord of three feet long usually braids down to around a foot long, which lets you cut it nicely. If your burning area is smaller, you can make the cord smaller if you want, but remember that it gives you less room and time to put in your emotions.  

[midara the happy banshee]

On a more mundane note, I really think you should talk to your boyfriend. It would be one thing if your jealousy was unwarranted, but in this case, she seems to really be attempting to reassert herself into his life in a way that is obviously threatening to your relationship with him. He needs to know that your feelings are real and valid, and while it may not result in him completely cutting ties with her, it may help you to set boundaries so that you both can be happy.  

[Jameta]

Definitely follow midara's advice, whatever your course. He should be aware of your feelings, just like you want to be aware of his. While it might not seem like it at first, assure him that by you telling him your feelings, you do trust him.

In addition, what may seem sweet is sometimes deadly. Therefore, while you may not have a full picture of this girl, you have enough of a picture, for she is the one projecting and supporting it. Again, by conveying your feelings to your loved one may validate your feelings (or give you a better picture).  

[The Bookwyrm]

My first bit of advice is to trust your gut: You've said yourself that you can't quite put your finger on what's off about this girl, but there's defiantely something there if you feel that strongly about her. I could list, oh, four incidents over the past six months where I've told friends that something was off about a person and been proven right; they were all situations where people told me I was crazy, and my dislike for these people were unfounded.

She definately sounds like apiece of work, though. I mean, who approaches their ex when he's dating someone new and starts handing over that kind of tripe when they're not out to try and cause trouble? While that's probably the bigest source of your strong feelings against her, it sounds like there's something else there, and he's definately not helping matters at all. Midara and Jameta are right: Talk to him. And try not to fall into the jealous girlfriend trap where your emotions run away with you, and you begin to dictate and give ultimatums; just tell him you're really uncomfortable with her presence, and tell him why. At least then it's all out in the open and he can't say he never knew how you felt.

After you've talked to him, I might also wonder if it might not be a good idea to talk to her and tell her that it's really not appreciated that she's trying to move beyond friendship with him. Use your best judgement on that, though, and possibly talk it over with your boyfriend before you try it. You don't want to come off as jealous and posessive, and untrusting of your boyfriend.

But something doesn't feel right... Please tell me he's been trying to distance himself from her since she's started the old "You were the best thing to ever happen to me" bit.  

[Ezinu]

It's very good advice what your telling me, but I find it hard to talk to him about this. I don't want to seem like the possesive b***h or anything because I'm not, really. I'm ok with him being friends with ex's; I mean, how can I condem it when I stay in contact with my ex still. I will try though.

Before they were not in contact much, but recently they have been talking much more, only over the phone, though they have see eachother in person. Mabye three times since the break up, and I was there one of the times. I just feel it's wrong of me to judge someone and hate them when I don't know them.

No, he hasn't really been trying to distance himself; in fact, they have been talking more since then, but I really am not worried about him cheating on me. He's a good man and I know he loves me. Not to mention I can spot a cheater from a mile away.

I'm hoping that when all of her things she left with him are gone the connection might just fade off on its own.  

[Jameta]

If you plan on staying with him, you'll want to start working on communication now, or your lives are going to be miserable. And if you don't talk to him about it, you will have no outlet for your feelings, whether they are justified or not; with your feelings pent up, they might all come out at once at an inappropriate time and make a situation very bad. While it may seem like a very high mountain to surmount, communication will bring you two closer and show each other trust.

It is true, we should strive not to be judgemental. However, that does not mean we should ignore our instincts. If you feel something is off, again, you should speak with your guy about it. He may also being feeling something weird, but thought it something silly; however, if you're feeling it, too, he may be more open to his own instincts. And again, there's also the possibility that he will explain things and dispell the feelings. Logic and reasoning are good skills, but Mother Nature keeps putting 'gut-feelings' into our blue-prints for a reason. wink

Also, the unfortunate truth is that good guys make mistakes. That doesn't make them "cheaters". Usually, these mistakes occur when communications lines are down (I should know- it's happened to me). So, once more, the sooner you get talking, the better.

Moving her stuff out should help, too. 3nodding  

[Ezinu]

I just dont know how to aprouch the situation. I'm sure ill think of something though.