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 Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:17 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:12 am
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 4:28 pm
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haloshatterer v2 Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick! Q. Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it! Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"? A. About three inches. Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A. They don't have balls to scratch!
lol nice |
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:25 am
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Judy got married and had 13 children.
Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and her & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy *again*, remarried,.... And this time, her & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied....
"I think he means her legs, Ethel..."
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Posted: Sun May 16, 2010 4:42 pm
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haloshatterer v2 Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She married again, and her & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Judy *again*, remarried,.... And this time, her & John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together." Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?" Margaret replied.... "I think he means her legs, Ethel..."
lolz |
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Posted: Mon May 17, 2010 8:17 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:25 am
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time to put the dirtiest joke ever. (warning: if you find incest, rape, sodomy, animal abuse, child abuse, violence, feces, bestiality and/or murder to be too offensive for comedy. please, do not read further.) it's worth the read if you realize it's only a joke.
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
"First I come out, wearing a tuxedo, playing Brahms. Just as the music reaches a crescendo, my wife in an evening gown runs on stage and undresses me before dancing provocatively on top of the piano.
Just as I finish playing the song with my c**k, my wife strips and does a back flip off the piano in a split on stage. Once her naked a** hits the floor, my 7 year old daughter and 13 year old son rush on stage juggling flaming lawn darts. My wife does a handstand and catches the lawn darts in her c**t, she then manages to queef them out, making her the third part of this juggling act.
The queefs force her to squeeze out a few turds, which I eagerly start smearing on my naked body, which arouses me quickly. Once I'm fully aroused my daughter and son take turns blowing me while my wife straps on a monstrous d***o and begins reaming each child while i ejaculate in the eyes of my offspring.
Once I c**, I run into the audience, s**t-covered body still sticky with c** and grab my parents and in-laws to involve them into the act. I strip them all nude and instruct them to start a circle jerk while screaming racial slurs. So my mother and father-in-law start screaming, "******** the niggers" while mutually masturbating, and my father and mother-in-law begin diddling one another and chanting, "I hate spics and Jews!" Once they reach a geriatric climax, my wife uses their ejaculate to lube up her fist which she uses to start fisting me.
As my a*****e is violated, I start playing double dutch with my kids, and once they get tangled in the ropes, start a torrid 69. All the sucking and slurping cause my in-laws and parents to get aroused again and they start sodomizing and fisting one another.
My wife at this point has completely started dry-heaving, so she vomits all over my a** and my back. I line up each of my family members who take turns licking the chunks of spew off my back and out of my a**.
By now my children have to defecate so I tell them to s**t in each other's favorite orifices. My son, ever the trooper takes a thick, dense s**t in his sister's v****a while my daughter shits in my son's nose.
My young daughter also conveniently starts her menstrual cycle shortly thereafter, and the menses and boy-s**t in her c**t make for great lube, as each of my in-laws begin ******** my daughter. My son, blinded in s**t, heads back to the piano and does his best Stevie Wonder impression while my wife runs back into the audience to grab a toddler from the crowd.
She begins stuffing this child into her v****a, while my parents begin screaming how she's possessed by Satan and start performing a nude exorcism on her. The power of Christ compels them to kill the toddler, which also makes it easier to cram into my wife's love hole.
By now, I'm so horny and aroused that I start ******** the dead baby inside my wife while my young son starts licking my a*****e and fingering his paternal grandparents. My in-laws finish abusing my daughter and start wrestling each other, which culminates in a huge power bomb through the piano bench. The impact shatters my mother-in-law's hips, leaving her crippled.
The strain of the throw caused my father's bad heart to seize, and he collapses in a heap on the stage. As he gurgles and foams at the mouth, my daughter runs over and begins rubbing her s**t covered p***y lips all over my crippled mother-in-law.
My wife grabs the wooden shards of the piano bench and begins playing her father's dying body like a xylophone. My son pulls his tongue out of my a*****e and begins sucking his dying grandfather's c**k.
I dial 911 and call for the paramedics who revive my father-in-law and then take turns ******** my daughter and eating the menses and s**t out of her tight c**t.
Once he's conscious we all assemble in a large circle holding hands and chanting gibberish before launching into a rousing group impression of 'A Downs Syndrome' perspective on the horrors of the holocaust, 9/11 and the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
As we're moaning and screaming, my son runs off-stage to get the family dog. The dog runs over to my crippled mother-in-law and begins peeing on her. Once the dog finishes leaving her in a puddle of piss, my daughter stops blowing the paramedics to light the dog on fire.
The dog yelps and howls before collapsing. My son runs over to ******** the burnt corpse while screaming, "White is right!"as my daughter begins goose-stepping around the stage, squeezing s**t out of her c**t and offering Nazi salutes to the audience.
My father-in-law begins raping my father, claiming that he's doing it for the forgotten Vietnam vets and POWs. My mother puts my crippled mother-in-law on her shoulders as I put my wife on my shoulders and we play a game of naked chicken.
Once my son finishes ******** the dead dog. He takes the pieces of the piano bench and begins crucifying the corpse. Once the dog is hung like Jesus, he begins weeping at the foot of the cross, saying, "Why my god have you forsaken me?"
My daughter mounts the top of the crucifix, using it as a wooden d***o. My parents, my in-laws and my wife join hands at the center of the stage and start singing "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music"
I grab the lawn darts and shove one up everyone's a** before heading back to the piano to finish off the show with a rendition of Freebird."
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Sophisticates!"
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Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 7:36 pm
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