DEAD BABY JOKES.

[ebol a]

I always forget the good ones~ cry  

[Half Baked SF]

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

What's read and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.

What's red and taps on glass?
A baby in an oven.  

[Reinna Astarel]

How do you fit 10 dead babies into a cup?
Use a blender.


I can't think of any more. xD  

[Half Baked SF]

Reinna Astarel

How do you fit 10 dead babies into a cup?
Use a blender.


I can't think of any more. xD

How do you get them out of the cup?

Nacho chips.

That was the one I missed earlier. It's my favorite.  

[ebol a]

How do you shingle a house with dead babies?
Depends on how thin you slice them!

What's the difference between a car and 10,000 dead babies?
I don't have the car in my garage.

Only ones I can remember.  

[ebol a]

Okay, I have the other ones:

DBJ rating: Nasty

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.

How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.

What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

What do you call a dead baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.

What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.

When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.

Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's blue and orange and lays on the bottom of a swimming pool?
Baby who's armbands burst.

What's green and orange and lays on the bottom of a swimming pool?
The same baby three weeks later.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's worse than 10 dead babies in a barrel?
One dead baby in 10 barrels.

What's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree?
A dead baby nailed to a dead puppy.

What's 12 inches long, hard, and scares the hell out of women?
Cot death.

What's the difference between a bucket of pickled onions and a bucket of dead babies?
You can't get the pickled onions out with a pitch fork.

Why did the baby cross the road?
Because I threw it.

What's the difference between a chew toy and a dead baby?
A dog will get tired of a chew toy.

DBJ Rating: Truly Sick

What's the difference between a dead baby and Keira Knightly?
I've never had sex with Keira Knightly.

What do you get if you put a dead baby in a blender?
An erection.

What's the best thing about having sex with dead babies?
Whichever hole you put it in, you get deepthroat.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't have sex with a sandwich before I eat it.

What's worse than ten, mutilaited, dead babies in a garbage can?
Being raped by the man who did it

Ante Mortem Dead Baby Jokes

These are not technically dead baby jokes, because the baby isn't dead. ...yet.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What's the difference between babies and old people?
Old people don't die when you ******** them in the a**.

What's the difference between a baby and fridge?
A fridge doesn't scream when you put your meat in it!

Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!

Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.

What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.

What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib?
A ***** a**.

What's the safest way to play with a baby?
With a condom.

What's blue and writhes around on the floor?
Baby in a plastic bag.

How do you stop a baby from screaming?
Apply more vaseline.

What do you do when a baby starts choking?
Take your p***s out it's mouth.

Whats the difference between a living baby and a dead baby?
5 minutes with me.  

[The Velveteen Violinist]

Q. How many live babies does it take to get Chat as sick as vomit?
A. Half of one.

Q. How many dead baby jokes belong in the FCF?
A. All of them!

Q. Two dead babies walk in the bar. The bartender looks up and says...
A. Is this some kind of joke?

Q. What did the dead babies say after the bartender said that?
A. If it is, it's not a very good one.  

[Pandora Box]

Oh, you guys have already posted most of my favorites. Okay, here's one.

What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
I can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork.  

[Fran Salaska]

My favourite: What's pink, bubbly and clawing at the window?

A baby in a microwave.  

[leerwesen]

How do you make a baby cry twice?

Rub your bloody c**k on their teddy bear  

[Half Baked SF]

http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/introduction.htm  

[Mera Hei]

What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.

What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.

What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.

What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.


(Thank you, Toga, for showing me the website where I got these jokes.)  

[Pandora Box]

Oxymoronic Username

What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.

What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.

What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.

What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.

That's always been one of my favorites! xd

Also:

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.

How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips.  

[Kalathma]

Why can't one fool an aborted fetus?

... Because they weren't born yesterday.  

[Eve_Mary]

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What's more fun than swinging a dead baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

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