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 Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 2:46 pm
All I am
Is a man without a purpose or a destiny.
All we are
Are people trying to cure our impurity.
All you do
Is sit there and think about indemnity.
All I do
Is watch from a distance, the last of the idiocy.
Yet somehow I stand here all alone, away from the world.
And all I do is see my country, my Earth tear itself apart.
**
We are the Last standing,
We watch the idiots blow up the Earth.
I am the Last Standing, I see these people keeping themselves from digging in the dirt.
All you are
Is a person sitting, watching the fighting.
All they are
Are people thinking their actions will start them flying.
But they can’t see
That they are slowly killing the dying.
Yet all I am
Is a man without a purpose, just frighting.
And all these people who take heed of the women, boys and girls,
Can’t see their men are destroying their hearts.
**
And yet, all we do to try to fix it, try to make everything alright.
But they keep decimating us with their idiotic pointless fights.
**
**
We are the Last Standing.
I am the Last Standing.
You are the Last Standing.
We Stand Alone.
--
This is a song, yes, but songs are in fact poetry. I have many more that may be posted if you would like to read them. I also have a couple of poems that could also be posted. But as for now, tell me what you think, anmd if you want to read more!
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:32 pm
A Everlasting Hate:
With the melancholy attitude placed within the soul,
You’d think all the people soon would loose control.
But that’s not the case right here, it isn’t the case,
The large of destiny is putting us in space. (The universe)
Our minds are numb, our hearts are cold, our feeling has gone,
We try to stand against the will, but it isn’t just said and done.
Oh, my life is lost; my love is dead to me,
My head has burst, trying to think of our so called “purity”.
My living,
My loving,
My living, loving fate,
How could you devastate? (You can’t)
How can you look right through these eyes and see an ounce of hate?
See, our dream was nice; our dream was a remedy,
But you just stood there, kind of like a fake to me.
You see now how we can break apart?
Do you think we can even restart? (You think?)
My mind is numb, your heart is cold, all feeling has gone,
I try to stand against the will, but it isn’t just said and done.
Oh, our lives are lost; my love is dead to me,
My life has burst, comprehending our “natural levity”.
Oh, living,
Oh, loving,
My living, loving fate,
How could I obliterate? (I couldn’t)
How could I not see the one true thing that caused so much hate?
Love, is an everlasting, (What?)
Love, is an everlasting, (What?)
Love, is an everlasting…hate.
Hate…hate…hate…hate
Oh, your life is lost; your love is dead to you,
Your head has burst, trying to think of us loving: it’s through.
Oh, dying,
Oh, hating,
Oh, dying, hating doom,
How could you consume? (It’s all over)
Why did you not see that I am dead, that I have no more room…?
For you, for love, for me? (You can’t see)
--
Kinda emo. And a spoof off of Linkin Park. I thought it was cool.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:39 pm
Agonizing:
My love is a flowing river, steaming to you
And my heart will long to kill your youth
All that is not stone will become a flower
Let me waste my time with you
The love has no wandering in the night
The pleading of agonizing pain in fright
Wait for me at the door
Because I want to forget
And let my agony kill me to the core
But still I want to say…
*Love is a painful thing
Live it, deal with it
Beauty will live on
Just listen to the drummer play your song
And sleep no more
You must not realize how much you madden me
Because you live not to love my love
Love came to me from hell
I wish I could wrinkle time to the day you see my eyes
We’re destroying reality
And music can’t hide me
*
What is our love, but an imagination?
So want to go to our destiny?
Soldiers talk of peace and honor
I listen and I yell at your picture
At the world you showed me
At the porch we kissed
At the memories
That won’t disappear
*
Our fates have pulled us far apart—
Me in heaven, you in hell
So leave me now, for you hate me
And for your hatred, you will be shunned
Our destiny will force us to love
Our fate will pull us apart
What do we have now?
What do we have now?
*
We have gone far
Just to fall again…
--
This one, both a friend and I made. It was cool, cause I would type something, then he'd type something. I had to fix his txt tlk typing, though. xd
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:41 pm
I Wish I Were:
I wish I were a monkey,
I’d have fun all day.
I wish I were a monkey,
I’d laugh and run and play.
I’d jump and sing and have so much fun,
Being a monkey in this world; done.
I wish I were a hippo,
I’d wallow in the mud.
I wish I were a hippo,
I’d move my ears around and around and around.
I’d eat a lot of plants and such,
Being a hippo in the world; much.
My life would be so very great,
If I could change into a grape,
But then someone might eat me,
And that wouldn’t be too good.
If I could choose one thing to be,
I’d be a mighty hunk of wood…
I wish I were a wood log,
I could sit all day.
I wish I were a wood log,
I’d soak up water like a sponge.
My life would be such a good thing,
If I could only be…a…hunk of…
Wood!
--
A little on the lighter side of the wood. And a little bad with grammar. Sorry, I was 12 when I wrote it. I'm 16 now.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:43 pm
The Holly Bushes:
Everywhere the people are screaming;
Loudly shouting, getting hurt.
Oh, lay, I wish I were dreaming;
Then I could get out of the dirt;
Out of the dirt, and into the holly.
Sparks fly lightly through the smoked air;
No wonder they’re ducking, oh, how jolly.
Yet, as they flee, they open their lair.
But mine is a secret, a hush, hush you see,
They shan’t find me in the holly bush-tree!
Ah, how glorious the sight must seem,
But you were not there, you did not fancy
The sight of the firing sparks in the smoke.
But nay, maybe you were, you sneaky bloke!
Though inside the holly, all is quite clear;
But outside, look in!
You shan’t see anything, you little peeper,
Not by the hairs on your chinny-chin-chin!
And inside the holly I fire away,
The whistle screams loudly and louder the blast.
And they still say, “It’s horse play, child play!”
But I beg to differ; those who like rockets, like lighting it fast!
The holly is safe; the bush-tree is home;
Inside this place, I am never alone.
My fears are taken for no one can hit me;
With the exception of those who would like to find me.
But, still, I am protected from all that is harming;
I’m only drawn out by those girls who are charming.
And with that I leave you, good night and good luck!
For next time we meet, you’ll cluck like a duck!
(Or maybe a chicken…but what else rhymes with luck that fits?)
--
This one was a poem I had to submit to my school...book-thingy. I thought it reflected on my bottle rocket fight quite well.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:45 pm
The Perfect Girl:
I see her standing there;
A beauty unknown to the world.
She walks magnificently;
Never faltering, just a girl.
She thinks that she is unknown,
Just another girl going her way.
But she doesn’t see that, though
She’s so beautiful, they stare everyday.
**
She’s perfect,
A girl for today;
She’s loving,
She never stays away.
She’s gorgeous,
But she doesn’t see,
That she’s perfect,
And a woman soon to be.
I see her lying there;
Dreaming of what’s to come.
She thinks of boys and men;
Not knowing of her rhythm drum.
A drum that beats wildly in her chest,
That she has no control over.
And it races and stops when she thinks
Of the one she’ll be with forever.
**
I see her sitting there;
Waiting for her new born baby.
She thinks, “How beautiful
This baby, my baby must be.”
The nurse steps out, handing a life to her,
And whispers softly, “She’s healthy.”
She takes her in her arms,
And holds her close to her drum,
Now playing slowly; just holding her closely.
**
--
Surprisingly, I wrote this one in Math class while extremely pissed off. I don't know what incited it. But hey, does one need a reason for songs?
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:46 pm
That's all I got. I would like to know what you think. Don't be overly-critical, though. Ok? wink
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:15 am
Your poetry is good. Though at times, I can see that the flow goes off. I don't know poetry well enough to fix it or to make any suggestions. You have a really good collection here. Thanks for sharing.
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 5:28 am
I can explain this. You see, in songs, after the last 'verse', the chorus or refrain plays, then it goes into a bridge, then back into the refrain. It supposed to be off, though I'm not blaming you, or anything. sweatdrop
Sorry.
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Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:45 am
I'm going to try and not be overly-critical, as I like to portray greater concepts abstractly. It's good to see poets conveying higher concepts rather than the usual emotional turmoil.
"Last Standing"
Your rhymes seem somewhat forced, as the line is based on the rhyme rather than the rhyming word fitting in with the line. Although, if it were Rock lyrics, I'd understand. The word "idiotic" does not belong, or at least to me. Also, there are some repetitions that can be refined. I appreciate the concept of the "Last One Standing/I'm the only sane person in the world."
"An Everlasting Hate"
Hah, spoof off of Linkin Park. Though I still can't put a tune to it. I like your word choice here, it's just the forced rhyming again.
"Agonizing"
You seem to repeat words from song to song... And reading many of them can be boring without new words, not saying you don't have any. Oh, I read the end of that. You and a friend created it. Not bad, I believe you both have a good sense of music.
"I Wish I Were"
I laugh out loud. xd Good Job. Haha....
"The Holly Bushes"
A poet wants all his words to contribute to the main idea. Your rhymes still seem forced... although less than before. It's a fun poem, but some words used to rhyme seem to be irrelevant to the rest of the poem.
"The Perfect Girl"
Take some time to read over your poetry with music in the background. Try to read in constant rhythm. Even though you are writing poetry like songs (I assume?), it still should be able to flow like a poem. And, even though it's a song and some parts can be sung differently to make it fit... you're pushing it a little.
Your ideas are quite different from other people. Expand on your poetry/song-writing and take time to refine it. After you write it, go back to it and fix some flow issues. Brainstorm before you write, for words and rhyming words. It's nice to see so much poetry from one person. I've been kinda critical, but your poems are much better than the average ones here.
Gah, ignore any typos/grammatical errors, I'm in class, with no time to edit.
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Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:44 am
Thanks. A lot, actually.
I'll do that, edit them and think over them, that is.
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