 |
Ok, I only took the time to read one poem because frankly, I'm just too tired to read much more. Besides, I want to get my poem up, get my workout done, and wind down for the night.
I read "Sub Par Doesn't Quite Cut It." It's good, but I've got a few comments you may be able to use to improve it.
First, you don't use proper punctuation. While that doesn't really change the flow of the poem, it does take a little something away from it. I've always seen poetry as an emotional and intellectual pursuit.
Perhaps my view is a bit skewed, but a lack of proper punctuation seems to take away from the intellectual part of poetry that I feel is so integral. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to call you an idiot or anything, I'm just trying to say that I think things would look better with proper punctuation.
Secondly, while your poem definitely had a flow, and a good one, it flowed more like a rap song than it did a poem. Your lines were uneven, and so it seemed like you were just trying to find properly rhyming words to tack on to the end of your sentences. The verses were good, but you need to make them a little more uniform. I may be a little hypocritical, as some of my poems are rather un-uniform, but I try to avoid it for the most part. Try putting in approximately the same number of syllables, or if nothing else, about the same number of words, into each line.
Lastly, and this is probably about as minor as the punctuation thing, try spacing out your lines. A poem with proper spacing seems to look nicer than a long line of sentences. Try finding a good breaking point and then putting a space between lines. Not only does it look nicer, but it also gives the poem a better flow, adding pauses and creating verses. Shorter poems don't usually need more than one verse, but for a poem as long as the one I read, spacing is critical.
Altogether the actual message and words in your poem are good, you just need to work a little on your construction.
|
 |
Reply
