Leaving you

[Garret Issacs]

So what do you do when the one person you love most. want to spend the rest of your life with and they want to spend theirs with you tells you that they can't be with you but they want to but they also can't give a reason.

what do you do? go after them? let them go? try to make sense of things?

I don't know what to do anymore. (yes this i about my relationship any advice or suggestions would be ever so greatly appreciated.)

I'd go into details if I could but there are so many of them. me and her have come so far and now all of a sudden she says she can't be with me even though she still wants to. suffice to say our love for each other is very very deep and strong so I know that whatever her reason is it's a good one but I know at the same time she wants to be with me. what can I do? I need help before it's too late.  

[l-Koda-l]

go after her! you love her? she loves you? no better reason to NOT let her go right?? i'm sure what ever it is, side by side you could over come it. she's pushing you away right now(and perhaps for a good reason..), so you need to use your persistence, and wisely.

( help more but i dont know you guys ^^' )  

[stargazer21]

I say go after her, at least until she gives you a reason. If it seems like a good or valid reason then you should probably back off for a bit at least but let her know your feelings for her will remain the same. Then you gotta wait it out.  

[Lady Bern]

At least get her to tell you the reason why she wants to end the relationship so you can have some sense of closer about it if it is indeed over with.

You'd be surprise how love can blind a person from realizing how much of a jerk the other person is.  

[Garret Issacs]

ok I'll give a little more information about this ralationship. I don't want to reveal anything real specific but right now it's a long distance relationship.

She lives across a boarder from me and it's about a thirteen hour drive from me. we do love each other very much and we do plan on getting married. or at least I hope so at this point. she has some problems but it's not like I don't either. we've both been waiting for almost a year now for my career to start which it did this week and we had less then months to go before I got a job that pays good and I was going to get a house and she was going to become a Canadian citizen and live with me.

but a few weeks ago she feel ill and dissappeared for awhile. (we communicate through MSN, Skype mainly) I suddenly got an email from her saying the following: (this is the original email and I don't really want to post it as it is a violation of secrecy but maybe something good will come of it. I warn now if anyone uses this against me there is no limit to how much I will find and ruin your life. this is very very important to me. my heart and life I want to give her)

Quote:

I don't really know how to say this. These last few days have been a mess.
All I'm really going to tell you is something happened, something you told
me didn't matter once, but it does. I'm sorry but because of it I really
just can't be with you. I wish there was a better way to put that.

Please don't be sad, it's nothing to do with you, it's not another guy, it's
not something that you had anything to do with at all. I just can't anymore.
Not now.

I don't know what else to say other then to make sure you take care of
yourself. Your friends need you, your future does. This doesn't change
anything you know. You'll still make it to where you want to be. If you
think about it, you really don't need me. You can find yourself another
girl, one that can be with you. Still get that house that you wanted and
everything. I really am sorry this part of your plan didn't work out, but if
there's one last thing I would ask of you, not that I'm in any position to
be asking favors, is that you don't let this affect how you want to live
your life. You've always deserved the life you've been planning out since
we've been together, I just helped a bit to make you realize that.

I'm sorry James, I hope that you can forgive me for doing this one day.

if she reads this I know I'll get in s**t but I just don't know what to do anymore.

She says it's not me nor is it another guy and I believe her when she says it and for the life of me I can't remember what it was I could have said that didn't matter. but apparently it does and it has something to do with all this.

I don't know what she means by she can't anymore not now. if she means time I can understand that but she said so herself that it's worth the wait.

This whole thing has sent me into such a state where I can't think of anything other then her and whats left of my life which is to say not much. she says to take care of myself and I started doing that when I met her. I cleaned myself up better I made a future for me and her and she liked it she was all ready for it. I was able to communicate to her. my friends don't need me and my future doesn't. My friends have other friends and my future will wait for me. I don't want that house if she's not part of it. that was something for me and for her only. I don't want another girl. I don't want to have to build another relationship like that. it's impossible in all dimensions.

She asks me to not let this affect how I live my life. how can it not? She is the biggest part of my life. if I've always deserved the life I had planned then why can't she stay with me? she is a part of my life and I want her to be and I know she wants to be a part of mine.

She believes she's not worth it to me. I want to just tell her that that's my decsicsion if she's worth it to me because it is. if I think she is worth being with then thats what I think and believe. she is worth it to me. I'd give my life for her in a heartbeat without thinking, I'd do anything I could for her.

She wants me to forgive her for doing this but there is nothing to forgive at least not yet. and it's destroying me. it's almost literally killing me.

there is only one thing I couldn't do for her. but it's because I'm scared to do it. I can't move to her. it just scares me. I'd be giving up everything I know. family, friends, my future, my career. I have to take the courses and tests again when I get there not to mention get my US citizenship and with things being what they are thats almost impossible.

A few things have happened since that email. and there are a few things more but for now thats all I'm willing to offer. this has happened before but we managed to get through it.

Lady Bern she's not a jerk. at least not to me. she's done things for me no one else ever could. and the same for her. she says she doesn't know how to word the reason apparently it's a betrayal to me but the betrayel is not telling me. I love her and I know that the time is long so I expect somethings to happen. nothing is so bad that would want me to stop being with her and I mean nothing.

I have also been going after her. I've given her some space for the last few days and I send her an email awhile ago but she hasn't responded to it. she said she still wants to keep talking to me yet I get nothing back. to distract herself she went back to school with a job on top of that and last I heard she was looking for another job over top of that and that worries me. deeply.

I'm so lost right now. I'm amazed I am even still on this site after all this, or any site. I've lost almost all hope of getting a good future and it's gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much that if they left you it would come so close to killing you. I never believed in love before this nor that I could fall in love. it just seemed like something you hear in a fairy tale. how wrong I was and now I'm paying for it.

I'm not going to let her go without a fight. especially if I know she still loves me and wants to be with me.  

[peach_zelda]

something tells me she's hiding something and sugarcoating it with the email. of course, if she's not telling you anything, that's a little obvious she's hiding something right? honestly, it's your decision. personally, i'd give up and get over her. cut your losses, cry for a few weeks, maybe months, and move on. or you could be the romantic type and still chase after her. but then again, i'm no romantic.  

[Lady Bern]

Down boy I was just stating a possibility. It can't really be helped when I didn't know much of the situation save for the small tidbit you first gave all of us (although about 8 times out of 10 I have heard people look back and state how much of a jerk their significant other was in hindsight).

And let me begin by saying the contents of that e-mail shall not be discussed by me and hopefully no one else of the guild outside of this thread.


Okay in the time that she was sick and disappeared on you she has had a lot of time to think to herself, and she has been thinking. Sadly everyone knows that thoughts tend to go down a negative path when you are not feeling well or slightly depressed. I think that's what happened to help her decide on the break up. And sometimes the thoughts can take a much darker turn but I won't say since you are stressed out enough about it.


But then there comes the mysterious part of the something that had happened to her. Something that you told her that didn't matter to you, but it still obviously matters to her.

If you can remember it then you might have a better chance of understanding and saving this relationship.

But you'll have to get her to talk with you about it, help her overcome it as both a friend, a confidant, and her lover. Meaning you are doing it all for her not just so you can mend your relationship.  

[Garret Issacs]

Lady Bern

Down boy I was just stating a possibility. It can't really be helped when I didn't know much of the situation save for the small tidbit you first gave all of us (although about 8 times out of 10 I have heard people look back and state how much of a jerk their significant other was in hindsight).

And let me begin by saying the contents of that e-mail shall not be discussed by me and hopefully no one else of the guild outside of this thread.


Okay in the time that she was sick and disappeared on you she has had a lot of time to think to herself, and she has been thinking. Sadly everyone knows that thoughts tend to go down a negative path when you are not feeling well or slightly depressed. I think that's what happened to help her decide on the break up. And sometimes the thoughts can take a much darker turn but I won't say since you are stressed out enough about it.


But then there comes the mysterious part of the something that had happened to her. Something that you told her that didn't matter to you, but it still obviously matters to her.

If you can remember it then you might have a better chance of understanding and saving this relationship.

But you'll have to get her to talk with you about it, help her overcome it as both a friend, a confidant, and her lover. Meaning you are doing it all for her not just so you can mend your relationship.

Sorry I know you were just stating anopinion. I've just been through a lot recently and as it was stated when someone has time they tend to think. I know you guys don't know much about whats going and though I wish I knew how I could word more without breaking trust. (I've already done that simply by putting in that email I won't break it any further)

I thank you for not disscusing it outside this tread. I do know that when people have time to think and they're sick they tend to go downhill. I know that very well as I've been there myself. I also know just how dark they can go.

I've been trying to remember what it was that I once said didn't matter but I can't or can only remember tiny pieces of it. (I can't remember most of my past due to a great deal of things) the only thing tat comes to mind was when she was sick last time she tried the same thing and I managed to convince her that she would be alright and that I could do what I was planning on doing for us. She thought her illness was something very bad and very permanent, it turned out to be something though still bad curable and I was able to help her somewhat. she said because of it (and this is only what I think it was about) she couldn't be with me because see didn't want something to happen to her and leave me with her loss.

A lot came from that and we were able to do what we needed to do to stay together. but this time it's that and something more. and I think it has to do with the time. Time can make or break anything. I have to talk to her yes I know that and thats going to be a hard talk. but I also know that everyday I dely with it she slips further and further away. if this is to work I have topull er into a conversation she's not ready to have but she may never be ready to have it.

they say someone can be blinded by their own pain and thats all they see, hear or feel. I may have to hurt her to get her to see anything but her own pain and that thought is hard to take. I don't want to hurt her but it may be the only way. I'm not doing this just to mend our relationship. I'm doing it because I care for her, because she is worth it, because she is a person who like everyone else in this world needs some kind of help or love.

I want to take the time here at the end of my post to just say that, this is very very important to me and I'm sorry if at times I can come off cold and unwanting to hear the opinions of you guys. I know it is a possibility she is gone forever I will never get over that, I don't want to. but for as long as I think there is even a chance of getting her back I'm going to go after her. I do value the opinions and suggestions offered by you girls it does mean a lot and I am sorry if I offend or say something that seems hurtful or cold.  

[Lady Bern]

You're a man in love, so I'll let that go. So no harm done.

Some of the most selfless acts can be the most selfish. Even if she doesn't mean to hurt you she is. But yes talk to her ASAP, make her realize you're not giving up on her and that you are there for her.

But that's just a repeat of what I've already said. So now I can only wish you both the best of luck.  

[Garret Issacs]

I sit here right now and say what the hell am I about to do? I'm an hour away from calling her up and talking with her and I know what I want to say sort of.

how this will end? I do not know. Will it be alright? again I don't know. if it doesn't will I be alright? I doubt it. but most importantly will she be alright? I'd like to think that if this doesn't work she'll be alright and find a way to have some sort of a good life. as for me, I have become addicted to her over the last year both mentally and physically.

The time of this could not have happened at a worse time. we had less then a year left to go. my Millwright career started and that was going to help us be together and we were happy. now this has happened and now my interests lay in two places. Her and whats left of my life. My career and future mean nothing to me if I cannot share it with her.

I honestly never thought love existed. back then I was cold and distant from everyone. no real smile or laugh. I never considered the thought of marriage or even a relationship for that matter. I planned to live alone, by myself and keeping to myself. So many walls to protect me. Now I can't imagine living alone, I don't want those walls. I smiled and laughed for real, nothing forced or fake. my walls came down maybe a little to fast but they came down none the less.

I don't want to live alone or be alone anymore yet at the same time she's the only one I want to be with. I've given not only my soul to her but my life and I mean that. When I was sick and didn't want to see a doctor all my friends told me to my family told me to and I didn't. she said it once. once was all it took. I was there the next day.

there are some things in my life I do not like doing. yet if she asks me to do them I'd do it as soon as possible. how can something such as love hurt so much that it's possible to destroy someone?

I seem to be rambling on at this point so I think I'll end my post here  

[Garret Issacs]

well I tried calling her but she didn't answer. I left a message and all I can do now is wait again.  

[Garret Issacs]

I am devastated. broken and now unstable as a result. I admit I was unstable for a long time and she knew that. I made sure she knew what she was getting into and she accepted it. now she is with someone else and though I've never met this person I hate him to the ends of this earth for what he has done to me. for what he as done to me and her. he has stolen the only thing in my life I held higher then my own and ultimately it has destroyed me as I knew it would. that is why I gave her my heart and soul. because I knew if anyone was ever able t fix me it was her but it is her choice to do so.

I now stand before this world on trial yet again a broken man an unstable mind and unwilling to get help.

I am... unstable, mentally. death rings me out day after day and day after day I withstand the fate that is death yet everyday it gets closer and closer. it almost won today and it didn't scare me at all. she holds all that is left of me. she knows that and all anyone can do is hope that she will fix me in time before I hurt someone or myself or worse. life is cruel and only the heartless survive without love. I am worse then dead I am worse then that and so much is wrong with that.

I am once again unable to communicate to people and I am once again going to the place I fear so much. I hope she comes in time. I hope she knows what to do and above all else I hope she does. A guilt trip is a powerful thing, especially when you are putting yourself through it.  

[Sonic Butterfly]

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Okay, calm down. First things first.

Do NOT start talking to me about how appealling death sounds to you right now. Don't even start. I've had friends and family go down that route, and for everyone around them, myself included, it hurt so bad.

I know she meant the world to you and I don't want to play that down, at all. But don't you think instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should instead feel happy that you got to know her at all? Be happy that for a short time you got to know her and that she made you happy, and in turn, you made her happy. Piling on the guilt yourself and on her is what's depressing you right now.

Second, she's moved on. Be happy for her and supportive. I know you want to hit the guy she's with right now, and I don't blame you, but that will just make her hate you. And you don't want that, do you? Just grin and bear it. Trust me, it's for the best.

You put a lot of your hopes and future and you really depended on this girl for everything. You invested everything you cared about and put it into her. Maybe she was scared? That's a lot of responsibility you heaped on her shoulders. Don't take it personal, but maybe she felt a bit overburdened? It's scary to think that the life of a person is in your hands, so don't blame her for running away.

Now personally, I'd seek help if I were you. I was walking on a knife's edge when I was a kid. I've been through therapy and several different kinds of medication. If you think that death is the only option for you, for god's sake, help is out there, go get it. Do you think it would make her proud to see you like this? Or would it scare her? If nothing else, do it for her.

It hurts now, sure, but you'll get over it. You'll never love anyone like her again, sure. But you'll find someone else. Love is different everytime you experience it, and it's never bad. Goddamn it, why limit yourself when there are so many people out there? You're young. Force yourself to get out there, no matter how hard it is. I'm struggling with this issue myself. But I'm forcing myself to be social. You just have to take it one step at a time. Yeah, it hurts. But you'll be all the stronger for it.

Be a man that would make her proud. It sounds to me like that's what she wanted. Not for you to wallow in your own misery. She wanted you to get out there and help yourself. Rise up and conquer your issues. You can do it, you have to want to do it. Hell, even if you don't want to do it, make yourself do it. At this point, you don't have any other options.

Sorry if any of that sounded harsh, but I do feel very strongly about this. Death is never the answer. It's the cowards way out. She never wanted that for you. Don't you dare disappoint her.

Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

 

[Garret Issacs]

I never said suicide.  

[Sonic Butterfly]

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Yeah, but when you say "death rings out to me," that's the first thing I think of. >.<

So how are you today? Any better?

Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison