My grandma is killing me inside (1st post update!)

[QueenCrystal]

I know all of you that read this, and replyed to me remember it. It was a test. I didnt know it until it was over, THEN I was showed it was a test. And I passed it! I A'CED it! I have been told that the God and Goddess is proud of me and for everybody who doubted me, I proved them wrong.
When this test first started, All of my Material Belongings that I put my pride and joy into we're taken and broken up, (including my pentagram.) That hurt me so bad, but Tarus(es) ((me)) tend to cling to matiral items, My patience has been though a test as well. I asked the God and Goddess if I should move in with my friend, they told me to go ahead with my plans, and they worked. It was a hard struggle, and a test of my faith in my religion and strength, but I made it out. There is so many details I wonna say, I dont even know where to start! But everything is fine now, and im living with my friend like im supposed to. Im stronger, and happier. ^^ So everybody... IM BACK!!!! smile


Origional post:
I know I havent really been posting here lately, but its because i've been having a hard time with my grandma. Every since shes been knowing that im Wiccan, shes been saying that I do "voo-doo" and I was the reason that my great grandma currently died. Shes been up in my face 24/7 pumping christianity down my soul, and everynight since I've been here I've been crying, and hurting so much. I still have faith in Wicca, and I still AM a Wiccan, but I know that I have NOT did anything to diserve this. I have no disire what so ever even be christian agian, and I hate take this, I'm never ever happy anymore because my sprit is always dead and broken, im constantly crying inside and out, and I dont know what to do! I know the Rede says "Do what thy will, An it harm none" I havent harmed anyone, or anything, but SHES harming me! The only ways I've been keeping my saneness is by meditating when shes not in my face or sleeping 16 to 18 hours a day. I cant live like this. I know being sucidal is bad, and its the number one thing that I'd go aganist, but geez, getting out of my problems sure sounds good right now. I know I'd never try it, and I try to keep it off my mind as much as possible but my thoughts are "Sucide = beautiful" My demon friend who sticks around, Shane, Has been helping me alot, Im not gonna try anything but I dont know what to do, I have been completely drained of my happiness and of my candles/insence/etc. I need some kind of help. Because 1. Im either gonna run away and end up in juvie. Or 2. Well. Take a guess.
I need help. Im willing to cooperate(sp?) With anyones ideas that they have that and im willing to help my self but right now, I dont know what to do.  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

Damn, that sucks big time. Okay, my suggestions go as follows.

Prayer. A hell of a lot of it

Talk to the your grandmother. (Worst comes to worst, go by a copy of "When someone you love is Wiccan" by Carl McColman)

Meditation/Journeying to a God/Goddess that specializes in peace and/or communication

Full-blow rit. This looks serious, so you'll want to write it yourself. Aim of either

a) Banishing the hostility (do on waning/new moon)
b)Summoning peace and understanding (do on waxing/full moon)  

[Atma311]

I agree with Nihl. I especially liek the talking things out part, but you have to be careful about these things. Also, no matter what anyone says, I don't think there would be shame in lying to your grandma and saying you're Christian, if for no other purpose than to gather your head a bit and get some peace and stop thinking of all this suicidal stuff. Suicide isn't the answer, so try thinking of less drastic ways to get yourself out of this mess.

If you don't agree with my "going back into the broom closet" comment, you don't have to, nor should you, but your grandma isn't going to let up unless you settle her mind on it somehow. Talk about it for a long time first until she understands, though.

(I hate giving the "broom closet" advice, but sometimes there isn't another way that will give you mind peace xp )  

[Keistera]

There are some times when you need to go back to the "broom closet", if nothing else but to allow yourself some peace. If possible, seek professional help. This does sound a little like emotional abuse -- but, I'm not a professional, so I can't say for sure. She has no right to do this to you. Seeing as how you're underage, right now, it may be best to hide your faith and pretend to be something you aren't (I do it in public, at work, and when I was living with my great aunt--sometimes, it's a necessity).

Whatever you do, don't give up. Have happiness knowing that your Gods are there for you. Also remember that the Rede is open to interpretation -- and has several versions. This could be a test of faith, after all, and when you get through it -- even if you have to hide your faith from your grandmother -- you'll be much stronger.

I sincerely hope you get through this without further harm.

Nihilistic Seraph has damned good suggestions. I'd like to add, for the ritual/spell/rite/whichever you choose to call it:
- Protection/Shielding

I don't do spellwork, nor have I done much in regard to ritual. I do pray quite frequently, though, and it does help to speak to your Gods.

I wish you luck, if you need us we are here. heart  

[Jameta]

Beyond internal work, you may want to look into talking with a counselor if your grandmother is harming you that much. Tell your most trusted adult relative (or most trusted adult) how down you feel, and they will get you to someone. Hopefully, you can figure out how to handle this, as maybe deep down, your Grandma really just wants you to be safe. Many people turn fear into hostility without questioning their apprehensions.  

[QueenCrystal]

Im going to get right on writing the rit, I doubt she'll even trust me anymore, Im the worst person in this house in her eyes, and there are some real...real bad people here.

This is a reply to all of you, I know what you all mean by "going back into the broom closet" I have tried, and many times at that.
My grandma is hurting me so bad its taking almost everything inside to keep me from hating her damn guts! I mean just last night she kept me up until 3 am making me sit and watch movies like "Left Behind" and "Life after Death: Hell"
I was filled with rage and shooken up inside, O_o I dont even know how I calmed down.

As for the sucidal thoughts, Im trying to stay away from those as much as possible, I wonna live!!!! Just not this way. I know I can do this!

I know this is werid, but the only thing thats keeping me here is my boyfriend. I lurve him sooo much crying If I was single, I wouldive been gone. But him, and some friends are trying to help me. Plus, I'm going to talk to a priestess that I met the other day at the store. She'll be able to help me, hopefully. Keep the replys commin! They're thanked and I'm trying to get all the help I can.  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

I agree with what kei said about this probably being a test og faith. Just keep in mind that your gods would never have given it to you if you weren't capable of conquering it. What are your patron deities? Look up their mythologies, find out the way they think, how they would want you to overcome this.  

[Atma311]

Your grandmother is rather lucky. If it was ME there, I don't know that I would be so nice. Everyone has their limit of crap they can take before they finally just get pushed to far. I, being master of the guilt trip and point out hypocrisies in people, would really let her have it verbally when I reached my point. Then again, I was always raised to not take crap from people sweatdrop  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

You could also show her that article about the Christian who put forth that Wicca is not evil, just a lesser path to God. I'll go get it, hold on.  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

http://www.wicca.com/celtic/wicca/christian.htm  

[The Bookwyrm]

As much as I hate to say it, your grandmother sounds ignorant to the point that no matter what you said to try and explain Wicca to her, it would do you absolutely no good. One of my grandmothers is the same way. If you can't try to seem Christian, try atheism. At least then she can't blame you of killing other relatives, which just goes to show how very ignorant she is.

You'd also do very well to seek counciling. Take the atheism ploy, then go to the pastor, priest or minister of her church and explain things to him/her. Say that you're confused about your spirituality, and the situation with your grandmother if it continues. Explain that you want room to breathe and to be able to sort out your beliefs for yourself. This kills two birds with one stone (though through a little white lie): Priests, ministers etc. are trained in counciling, so they can give you advice. Secondly, this is probably about the only person who can give your grandmother hell and she'll listen, if she's as God fearing as she seems.

In the mean time, pray, meditate, do your rituals, and remember that you're in our hearts and prayers!


Little bit of spell checking by Atma ^^  

[QueenCrystal]

Nihilistic Seraph

I agree with what kei said about this probably being a test og faith. Just keep in mind that your gods would never have given it to you if you weren't capable of conquering it. What are your patron deities? Look up their mythologies, find out the way they think, how they would want you to overcome this.

Do you mean the deities that are closer to resembling me and/or my element?  

[QueenCrystal]

Atma311

Your grandmother is rather lucky. If it was ME there, I don't know that I would be so nice. Everyone has their limit of crap they can take before they finally just get pushed to far. I, being master of the guilt trip and point out hypocrisies in people, would really let her have it verbally when I reached my point. Then again, I was always raised to not take crap from people sweatdrop

Yeah, my friends tell me that shes lucky, because they wouldive have been run away or something sweatdrop  

[QueenCrystal]

Nihilistic Seraph

You could also show her that article about the Christian who put forth that Wicca is not evil, just a lesser path to God. I'll go get it, hold on.

She wont listen to me, no matter what! Gypsy is right.  

[QueenCrystal]

Gypsy Blue

As much as I hate to say it, your grandmother sounds ignorant to the point that no matter what you said to try and explain Wicca to her, it would do you absolutely no good. One of my grandmothers is the same way. If you can't try to seem Christian, try atheism. At least then she can't blame you of killing other relatives, which just goes to show how very ignorant she is.

You'd also do very well to seek counciling. Take the atheism ploy, then go to the pastor, priest or minister of her church and explain things to him/her. Say that you're confused about your spirituality, and the situation with your grandmother if it continues. Explain that you want room to breathe and to be able to sort out your beliefs for yourself. This kills two birds with one stone (though through a little white lie): Priests, ministers etc. are trained in counciling, so they can give you advice. Secondly, this is probably about the only person who can give your grandmother hell and she'll listen, if she's as God fearing as she seems.

In the mean time, pray, meditate, do your rituals, and remember that you're in our hearts and prayers!


Little bit of spell checking by Atma ^^

Shes is pretty dumb o.o; and she wont listen.

When I sprung my knee, about 2 days ago, she said it was the Christian God's way of giving me a slap. Although I only have to wear a cast for 7 days, yeah, I have kinda been in pain, but I dont believe what she said.

The situation with her hasnt gotten any better at all, so im still thinking about moving out but geez I have no friggin idea. My only motivation for staying here is a bf that I want to be by my side as much as possible. I really dont know what to do now, but if I get a job, I wont be home often so she wont be in my face, so thats another option, but other then that, im still stuck. I am gaining alot of negativity from this situation and a priestess has told me that alot of it lingers within me, so Im going to have to find some time to bless my self. I think my aura color has even changed to grey, when its usually white. *Sigh*