Hey guess what

[Von Rottes]

I`m writing a Short fur story.

Its only going to be about 10-15min long...so it really short

Before i post it i`m going to WARN you this is my first real story..i mostly just write crappy "Death poems" so if its bad PLEASE tell me truthfully what you think of it.

PREVIEW:

Title: furry friend

This is a story about a young girl named Rebecca who just moved from el paso today is her first day of school,but before she even leaves her house her day starts off VERY weired.  

[Von Rottes]

Short story: Furry friend

Our story starts with a normal girl named Rebecca who just moved to New York from El Paso, Tx

Her day starts out kind of odd when she is awoken by someone knocking on the door
As she went down stairs she noticed her parents where already gone but it was only 6:45Am, When she opened the door there was no one there, As she closed the door there was a noise coming from up stairs,
As she slowly walked back up the stairs she saw what looked like an animal tail she fell back and said “Hello? ….Anyone there” she waited but no reply so she continued up the stairs, as she stepped onto the landing and looked around she a grey wolf creature . She paused and said “Hello?” as the wolf tuned around and said “Yes?” Rebecca stuttered “D-d-did you j-j-just talk?” and the wolf replied “Yes.” Rebecca fainted almost falling down the stairs.. A few minutes later she awoke in her bed with a young boy with grey furry ears and a big grey and white tail standing next to her, He said as she opened her eyes “Are you ok?” Rebecca slowly got up and replied “I-I think so.” As she looked over a him and said “Who…WHAT are you?” and he presently replied “I’m Kurt and I’m a grey wolf furry. What’s your name? ” she looked at him with a dumb founded glare “A furry?” Kurt looked back at her and said “yes a furry I’m half human and half animal.”
Rebecca said “No theirs no such thing I must be dreaming” and slammed her head back in the pillow, as Kurt says “Your not dreaming I’m quite real. and your going to be late for school” Rebecca looked at the clock “Oh my god” I have to get ready and pushes Kurt out of her room says “I have to get dressed” and slams the door in his face, Kurt sits there waiting for her to come out, as Rebecca runs around her room getting ready for school she keeps thinking about Kurt.. Soon the door to Rebecca’s room opens as Kurt looks up “are you ready?” Rebecca stops and says “Yes” before Kurt can say anything else she ask him “Why are you here, where did you come from, and HOW did you get in my house?” Kurt looks at her and says “I’m not really sure why I’m here, I live around here and I came in the window” Rebecca looks at him and walks down stairs to leave for school, Kurt jumps up and fallows her outside “hey wait up” Rebecca stops and turns around to see Kurt running after her on all fours “wait *pant* for me *pant*”
Rebecca says “why are you fallowing me?” Kurt “Well I have to go to school to.”
Rebecca looks at him wearing blue jeans, black shirt, Converse’s, and a cadet hat
“Ok I guess you can walk with me” Kurt “Yay. So what’s your name? ” “It’s Rebecca”
As they walk to school they didn’t talk at all, “Well Kurt I have English” “Yea and I have math so I’ll see you at lunch?” Rebecca “Yea.” Later in Rebecca’s class the bell rings
As everyone one exits the room a young girl named Adriana asks Rebecca “So you’re the new girl?” Rebecca replies “Yes why?” “I and the girls wondered if you’d like to sit with us at lunch.” Rebecca “Sorry I can’t I’m eating with Kurt” Adriana “What you mean that FREAK?” Rebecca “He’s not a freak he is just different” “The guy a freaking furry”
Rebecca ”I don’t care he seems very nice” and she walks off the cafeteria.
Rebecca gets her food and sits next to Kurt “Hey do you know Adriana?” Kurt “Yea she’s the richest kid here” Rebecca “she seems like a total b***h.” Kurt “No *sniff* I don’t think she is *sniff*” Rebecca “Ok… then” They both finish their food and go back to class. At the end of the day Rebecca and Kurt walk home together. When Kurt walks Rebecca up to her door she leans over and kisses Kurt “Why don’t you come in Kurt”
Kurt “Um.. Sure I guess”


`~William~`

FIN?

If you like this i MIGHT continue the story
Kurt and rebecca home alone..NOT what you think talk2hand

Sorry for any grammar/spelling errors
also SORRY if it totally sucks this was my first shot at a story.  

[Shaviv]

Parse your sentences a little more finely, I would say. Uh, also paragraph breaks. Use good punctuation (for guidance, try reading Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynn Truss, you can probably find it in the library). Even running spell-check should help.

Keep your tenses consistent (present vs past) - I use past generally, when writing stories.

Uh, it could have a potential of going somewhere interesting but you really have to resolve the formatting and presentation problems. Otherwise, it's a pain to read.

I took the liberty of editing the first part of your story, so it looks more readable now.

Quote:

Rebecca’s day started out pretty odd.

She woke up to the sound of a knock on the front door. She climbed out of bed, ran down the stairs, and got to the door, and tugged it open. There, on the front stoop, was…

Nobody.

It was strange that she’d had to answer it, too. Her parents weren’t home, yet a glance at a clock on her way back upstairs showed it was only a quarter to seven, before they usually left.

She hesitated on the stairs. Ahead of her, for a moment, she had seen an animal’s tail. She came up the stairs, almost whispering, “Hello? Is anyone there?”

There was no reply.

As she reached the top of the steps, she looked around and was stunned to see a grey, wolf-like creature, waiting for her. (etc., etc.)

 

[Von Rottes]

eek

Wow..that looks WAY better then my crap..

I guess i need to read some literacy books xp  

[Von Rottes]

Ok call me a fur-perv....i stayed up LATE last night writing a adult story sweatdrop

i just had to finish Kurt and Rebecca home alone...it seems i can write a good yiff story..but not a non-yiff


So i SUCK crying


Fur Fun to be uploaded on OTHER site by the weekend