Zell's attempt for Art! *Updated*

[-2 Z Zelly]

ok this is my art thread this first post holds all the art i post. feel free to laugh or whatever just know that i have equal right to then beat the crap out of you or shove your face inot my mental superiority unless you're Nit, Shigeru, 16bit, Knight, and the rest of the crew, then I'm pretty much screwed to deal with what you say....

First Piece of Art:
A poem i wrote for my girlfriend that you all see in my sig. I love her very much and this poem shows my true feelings.

A burning rose filled with the crimson of love swells within my heart. Now step up and take my hand so that we may recreate our art. Love brings both pain and joy and that is why it is true. The only way for you know this is if I loved you. A worthy price we all must pay. But isn't it that what fills our day? WE can live together in perfect harmony but that is nothing compared to what i feel. I consider our love to be true and real.

Second Slot:
Something that hit me out of nowhere. I thought of it after my girlfriend broke with me Yeah yeah, poor Zell, i don't give a damn. Think of it what you will but I understand it.

Love is something fake
Only showing its face whenever you like somebody but its not there
Sensativity being there for no reason
Just a thing to explain feelings
Feelings that are not there
To beleive is something left for those with their heads in the clouds
I choose my path and keep it
No influence is there to bring me down
Nor is one needed
I have enough problems  

[nitnit]

WTF is this standard rhyme scheme lovey dovey crap? The sad truth is that some other smoe has probably written the exact thing before.

2/10.


((sorry for harsh review kid, just enjoy bashing love poems))  

[Candy goes B A N G]

Aww its cute!

10000000/10.  

[-2 Z Zelly]

nitnit

WTF is this standard rhyme scheme lovey dovey crap? The sad truth is that some other smoe has probably written the exact thing before.

2/10.


((sorry for harsh review kid, just enjoy bashing love poems))

All i care is that you were actually honest thanks nit  

[Kunx990]

Its more of 4 sentences than a poem.
-4/10  

[Pay Per Cuts]

lawl mental superiority

Yeah, it's more like 4 sentences. And there's too many cliche rhymes, like You and True  

[Chaotix Bluix]

It's nice and and definitely has a sense of emotion in it, so 8/10. (Although, love poems aren't exactly my specialty... sweatdrop )

Might I suggest that you segment each sentence into it's own line so it doesn't look like a block of words?  

[-2 Z Zelly]

poetry really isn't my specialty and this was my first one so it had alot of mistakes in it, thanks for being completely honest but seriously Kunx, did you have to pull out the negative numbers?  

[Drake_XIV]

Someone is gonna kill you...

I give you a...*rolls dice. Dice splits in half revealing -6 on all peices*...-24/10.

...that is either yourself or your spouse.

 

[-2 Z Zelly]

*Update*  

[Shigeru the Hero]

1st one is like an excerpt out of a middle school play, while I didn't even bother to read the 2nd one outside of the last line, because that was enough indication that it's going to be really really generic.