Would someone mind editing for me?

[Lily-Anne-Marie]

Hi there all your grammar fanatics! I have a job for you. I am going to be sending this letter below in for a scholarship. What I need from you is to edit it for grammatical errors. I would also appreciate it if you would tell me if the paragraphs are out of order etc.

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is (deleted for security). I am applying for the VFW Post 63 Scholarship for a one-time grant of 2,000 dollars. I am currently a student at Lakeland College located in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. My current academic standing is sophomore.

If I am granted this scholarship from the VFW, I plan to use it for paying for school expenses such as Books, Tuition, and Lab Fees. The money will go into an account I have set aside for school expenses and the money will be used over time to pay for those said expenses. I am currently not a post member of the VFW. My grandmother, Vesta Bergin; however, is. She is the one who sent me this information so that I could apply for the scholarship.

My academic achievements include Acceptance to National Society of High School Scholars in 2004, Achievement of the Academic Dean’s List in fall of 2006, as well as Grant of a Presidential Scholarship at Lakeland College for fall 2007 and spring 2008.

My extra-curricular activities include Lakeland College Mirror, which is the school newspaper; Lakeland College Computer Science Club, Lakeland College Campus Players, a theater group; and Lakeland College Community Service Initiative, a group which focuses on being part of the community and helping out at the local museum in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

I plan to graduate with a double major in Writing and English with a minor in Computer Science. Once I have received my undergraduate degrees from Lakeland College, I plan to go onto Graduate School and get a PhD in Writing and in English. Ultimately, I plan to become a professor of English and Writing at the collegiate level.

Thank you for the opportunity to apply for this scholarship.

Sincerely,





(deleted for security)  

[Niccea Majeare]

It looks good to me, but I'm not sure on:

"My current academic standing is sophomore."

It doesn't feel right. When I here the words "academic standing" I think class rank and GPA. I wouldn't know what is better to put in there maybe you can say "I am currently a sophomore at Lakeland..." You know, just tag it on somewhere else rather than giving it its own sentence.

My grammar is awful, so all I can tell you is how it feels to me.  

[Amaya84]

I am currently not a post member of the VFW. My grandmother, Vesta Bergin; however, is.

Your use of a semi-colon is inappropriate here. On each side of the semi-colon a complete sentence must be present. You may correct this error in several ways.

Examples:

I am currently not a post member of VFW, however my grandmother, Vesta Bergin, is.

I am currently not a post member of VFW, although my grandmother, Vesta Bergin, is.

I am currently not a post member of VFW. My grandmother, Vesta Bergin, is.

I personally feel that putting "My grandmother, Vesta Bergin, however, is." is a tad too wordy and too "commaish." I believe it would be grammatically correct if you wish to use it though.
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My extra-curricular activities include Lakeland College Mirror, which is the school newspaper; Lakeland College Computer Science Club, Lakeland College Campus Players, a theater group; and Lakeland College Community Service Initiative, a group which focuses on being part of the community and helping out at the local museum in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

Again, the semi-colons need to go. I believe they should be replaced with commas.



If anyone sees mistakes with my corrections, please help. That is all I am trying to do! Thank you!

Note to Lily-Anne-Marie:

Good luck with your scholarship! I hope this helps, if any.  

[Lily-Anne-Marie]

thank you both for your input. I really appreciate it.