[PRP] - The Haunting [End!]

[Daffupanda]

The sun was set, nothing but a rosey tint stretching across the distant horizon showing that the sun had ever been. The night was not quite completely dark, more ghostly with the very last light of the sun fading away, the world suspended in a limbo between day and night. Overhead, the moon was growing brighter, a reminder of the last thing she wanted to remember. It mocked the stars with its brightness, standing out even as it seemed to ache to fit in. She shut her eyes with a shake of her head, cursing herself lowly beneath her breath as she tried to push away the wretched thoughts.

She stumbled over the small sand dune, almost tripping before she caught her balance. She was a flash of green on the lonely stretch of the pale beach sands, dark spots trailing behind her marking her trek down the beach - footprints to mark her wherever she went.

She tried to shut her eyes against it all, but it only made her stumble more, and forced the images to dance behind her eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat, too hurt to cry, and too confused otherwise. What right did she have? It it had made him happy, for one moment, then she should be unselfish enough to be happy for him. But she wasn't happy, she was hurt, and she couldn't rid the little face from her mind's eye.

Time had passed; albeit slowly. Forgetting was something Mundoo had found hard to do; granted, the pride itself was wonderful, to the point he could not really see himself in any other place. THe Territory too, was lovely... he could haunt the place to extents he'd not realised; heck, the ghastly white male was able to actualy pad and stalk the insides of the jungles without being seen. Hunting had become rather pleasurable, and the it was easy to see he'd become.... a tad more social. Even if just a tiny little bit.

Forgetting, however, was a hard task, and Mundoo found himself staring off to space more often than not. Hadithi had looked at him fondly, and Misae had once told him that perhapsrather than staring off to space, he should take a good look around him... that maybe he was missing out on something he didn't even know he had. The Seer's words fell upon deaf ears though... the white male was literaly living in the past, and nothing the others did seemed to snatch him out of it.

The only change he'd noticed was that Aviva tended to avoid him. Of course, he figured it was because she (rightfuly) didn't want to feel as miserable as he felt. Misery did love company, and heart ache was the most bitter sweet experience Mundoo had ever felt.

It was during one random afternoon, when the sun was melting into the horizon, many moons after Nyoni had left... that she randomly returned. The brown lioness returned to Mundoo holding a lithe tan cub. The small thing dangled from her maw and looked up at her father with eyes not unlike his,, and all what Nyoni could tell him, was that the cub was a part of them. She told him that she wished him to keep her and teach her the pride's ways... and that she herself, was going to part again.

After these words, the Brown lioness had left Mundoo with the cub and the male could do not but stare at the small thing. It was only when the russle of leaves resounded behind him that he was able to snap out of it, just in time to see the flash of green, "Aviva!" for some reason beyond him, he snatched the cub in his maw and ran after the green pelted female. Something told him he must... and so he did.

Oh, but Aviva was no idiot. Sure, she had avoided him once she found out the great goodbye that Nyoni had given Mundoo, but she had always planned to come back once her heart had healed over the little tear. It was not but a goodbye, it wasn't as if they had decided to become mates, and she had always figured that she was capable of forgiving and forgetting. She had come out tonight, in fact, to see if she could work up the courage to talk to him - but it had all vanished at the sight of the one little ball of fur.

She heard the voice calling after her, heard it sound out through the world she was trying to leave behind her. She faltered in her hurried steps, almost falling yet again. The tears that had been hiding now rushed to her eyes at the sound of that voice, the one that wrenched her heart even as it felt like it might break. She pushed back the tears, but shook her head. "No," she whispered feebly then, "no" again, more loudly.

She half-fell into a sitting position, her forelegs holding her up with a drooped head. Her eyes shut, praying that he'd just turn around and leave. She couldn't look at him, or that cub, and hold herself together. She should have never come into these lands. As beautiful as they were, they had done nothing but cause her pain.

The single word cut through the haze that the male was seeing as he ran after her, but not even the more forceful of the times she spoke it, did he truly understand what it meant. No... what?

Needless to say, his mind wasn't particularly working. It'd probably be safe to say it'd snapped in two when Nyoni had appeared under the moonlight... bearing a small cub for him to keep. A small cub that would remind him what he'd had for one night and what he'd lost. A cub that was now doomed to live motherless because he'd been unable to restrain himself.

It wa all his fault.

Yet the cub in question dangled silently from his maw as he slowled down to a trot, approaching Aviva's fallen form. Never once did it whine, nor did it ever do much other than look soulfully at both lions as her father sat her down on the floor, "Aviva?" it was whispered softly, almost as if Mundoo were afraid that raising his voice just a tad would set her running again, fleeing...

Whom was she running from? What was she running from? She wasn't to blame for anything, like he was. And again Misae's words run in his mind; the way her red eyes had looked into him, telling him to look around, telling him that he was missing out on the most important things around him... because he would not let go of the past. A past he didn't even own; didn't even HAVE. Birds could not be kept caged.

The cub mewled softly, but otherwise remain where it'd been set; too young to know better. Too young say otherwise.

The sound of his voice made her tense, made her try to shut those eyes even tighter. She didn't know Misae, had never heard what Mundoo had been told. Even if she had, she probably would have thought Mundoo was too blinded to understand it. She tried to shrink away, as if she might be able to sink into the sand or be washed away by the waves of the ocean she could hear so clearly. Concentrating on their steady rythm, she forced her eyes open.

"What do you want Mundoo?" she asked, though she couldn't help the touch of bitterness that edged into it. She had sat there, at his side, while he ached - and she ached all the while. She had been a support beam, a friend when he only had eyes for one. He'd never had eyes for her, never truly seen what kept her to him. She kicked herself for putting her own heart through it, but she had been... hoping.

"Why can't you just let me go, let me leave," she began it steadily, though it grew into a slurred whisper. Her orange-red eyes found his, rimmed with tears despite how hard she tried to fight it. "Why have you got to try and make me stay now, Mundoo? Too scared to raise the thing on your own?" she shook her head, throwing a glance at the cub - though it only made her heart ache more. She was a reminder of it all.  

[Daffupanda]

Her question caught him offguard. There was something to the simple words that Mundoo himself could not understand; something there, so... tangiable, and yet out of reach. What was it he wanted? What was it he should want? "I..." he paused briefly, his eyes slidding towards the cub, whom stared at both strangers with wide eyes, "I don't know," he admited finally, semi-confussed over his very answer, for only just moments ago, he'd been sure of what he wanted.

He been sure of what he'd wanted over the past moons that he'd spent moarning, hadn't he? Why was it he no longer even knew something as simple as that? Why was it he had no idea what he wanted any more?

His heart sank at her words; leave? She wanted to leave? Why ever...?

He was, in fact, just about ready to ask, his maw opening, but he stopped himself and instead closed his eyes, reaching out blindly to drag the cub till he'd placed the small warm ball of fluff between his feet, "She's not a thing," it was the only thing he knew to say at the time. The only thing he was sure of as he raised his gaze to look at Aviva; his pose was that of a defeated warrior... of someone who'd padded through hell and come out weary and wondering why he'd done so in the first place, "She innocent..." a pause as he looked at the sands, his brows furrowing, "Not scared, just.... sad," it was whispered, perhaps a bit too low to hear, "And lonely," he turned to watched Aviva then, out the corner of an eye, "I'm tired, I'm weary, and I don't know what I want."

Did he ever know? Sure, he had wanted Nyoni, but that had led him into the hole he had dug at the moment. He either didn't know what he wanted, apparently, or wanted things that would be bad for him in the long run. She was caught between wanting to run and wanting to smack him, but she couldn't find the strength to do either. He'd deserve both, in her opinion.

She, however, knew what she wanted - she had always known what she wanted. She knew what it felt like to want something that was beyond your grasp, which was why she had never tried to push him away from his search for Nyoni's heart. She had always seen that it never belonged to him, she had figured in time, he would learn. She didn't know, however, that it would end up like this. She shouldn't have let her childhood crush grow into what it became.

"You're right," she said slowly, staring down at the cub between his paws now. She watched her, smiling weakly, though it was as sad and heart-broken smile as was possible. "You're right, she's innocent." She laughed and shook her head, feeling the tears leaking down from her eyes. She hoped the poor girl didn't inherit her father's blindness.

"You're tired and weary?" she laughed, shutting her eyes and tilting her head back. She pushed herself to her feet, shaking her head as she stared up at the moon. It would haunt her, even if she managed to leave now. It would haunt her the rest of her life. "You are also blind, Mundoo. Blind and foolish." She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, blinking through the tears that fell with no other real show. "What you wanted left," she whispered, "and she's gone." And now, what he didn't want was going to leave soon, she added mentally.

No, he hadn't know. It was posible he still didn't know either; he was just so tired... or trying to add two plus two and getting seven instead of four. Granted, he knew when he deserved a smack; he really did, and right now... was one of those times. Doubtless. Yet he could see Aviva was too tired to even glare at him; why would she be tired? What did she have going for this situation? Why...?

The questions were endless, but he dared not voice them less she run away from him again; he knew the notion was still fleeting around her mind, after all. He had no idea what he wanted, so instead of dwelling that, he turned his haunted gaze towards Aviva, the cub still nestled between his front paws, "What is it YOU want?" it was a legit question, one whose answer would no doubt be a turning point, even if he did not yet know this. Instead or talking any further, he merely watched on; he took her frame in, watching the moon behind her as it shone, outlining her form against the darkened sky and sea. He'd have thought it beautiful... a beautiful display, but recent events only allowed for him to see it all as haunting instead.

Turning his gaze, he refocused it on the small child whom curled up against his form and hers then, seeking sleep; never bothered by what the adults were saying. She WAS innocent. He didn't need anyone to tell him that; he knew... oh, he knew. Pausing, he took her words with a whince, and he turned to gaze away from Aviva then; her frame.... her form, it hurt. He'd seen the tears glimmering and even if he hadn't, he'd have been able to smell them; still he had no answer for her. Was he really blind? A blind fool?

It was only when she spoke again that he found an answer, and again he fixed his eyes on her, a frown on his features, "No," he said, firmly, for some reason, "No," it was repeated again with a shake of his mane, "It was not her I wanted; it's what she had to offer. No one else had before...." a pause, and slowly his eyes seemed to widen, his gaze fixing on the sand before he dared glance back at her, "Before you."

She laughed softly at his question, shaking her head as she did so. She knew what she wanted, she always knew. She wanted Mundoo, but how could you want something that didn't even notice you were there? She was like the stars, being outshone by the sun. She disappeared when it came out to play. He had never looked at her the way he looked at Nyoni, like she was the light of his life. It ached, to want him and to see that.

"What do I want? The one person that doesn't know I exist. The moon aching for the sun, while he had the stars shining around him that he never saw." She laughed again, staring at her feet. She laughed to keep from trying, she was sure - it was the only thing to do.

Only, at his next words, she felt her heart wrench too hard to hold back the tears she had managed to supress for moments. She turned her eyes upon him, outrage shining through them. "Do you know what you put me through, Mundoo? Can you honestly even.. begin to know?" She would have yelled, but for the sight of the cub sleeping between his paws. "I stood by you even when you stared at her with those big sad eyes, talked to you when I knew you wished I was her." She shut her eyes against the hot tears boiling over the rims of her lower lids. "That doesn't mean a whole lot to me now, when it's only with the lack of her that you notice I'm even here."

He frowned. Not due to her words; oh no, but rather because he knew she was right. No excuses would fix the past. The past... he'd come to understand over the past moons, was something that didn't, and wouldn't change for anyone. It was there, for everyone to look at and learn from, but it would not be changed. Making up excuses and yelling back at her would have but an ill effect.

After all, she was right.

Instead of answering in a rebuking tone, he turned his gaze down to watch the by then slumbering cub, "Maybe you'e right; perhaps I am blind, perhaps I'm a fool..." a frown as he once again turned towards her, "I am not entirely to be blamed though, for being... blinded by what I wanted to see, by what I wanted to feel," he laughed bitterly, seeking the moon in the sky with his haunted gaze, "They say love is blind. Was I in love though? Was that love?" he'd had his notions about it, but he wasn't entirely sure, "I loved what she was, I loved whom she was... what she did and what she offered, but that's not real love," still the bitter tone as he picked up the sleeping cub, standing up then.

If she wished to go... he could not stop her; he would not make her miserable, like Nyoni had made him. He would... and had, learnt to let go. Of the past, of that what he needed to let go of, but not without some final words, "You might be right, but there is no way I can fix that, if you leave," his eyes seeked hers, narrowed for a moment, the words hissed through the pelt of the cub he held; his daughter.

"I won't stop you... if you wish to go; and I can't change the past," a pause, "But I can change the future, if you let me," he waited an answer, but seemed prepared to leave.  

[Daffupanda]

What was love, truly? He said he loved Nyoni for the things she did, what she could offer him. She though she loved Mundoo for who he was, both for the cub he had been when he captured her heart, and the adult he was now that made her heart pound. Could she say that she knew if it was truly love, or just something else? No, but she knew it ached to be away from him, it ached to be with him. To leave would tear her apart, but could she take staying and trying to put this back together? Was there anything to put back together?

"Wait," she said softly, staring down at her paws, knowing that if she left now she might lose something she wanted forever. Now that she knew perhaps there was some hope, maybe anything at all, she really didn't want to ruin it. "I.." she paused, chewing at the inside of her cheek, trying to push the words out. "I can't come back for it to be like it was," she muttered, "I need to know that there's something worth coming back to." She needed something. If they stayed the way they had been, with her endlessly pining after him, she wasn't sure she could handle it.

"I just need to know that, Mundoo."

That was all he'd needed to hear; he offered her something better than words then. Slowly, he settled the cub down on the floor, between his paws again and turned his head towards her. Then he offered her the first real smile he'd ever directed her way since cub-hood; there was sadness in it... all in all, it was bittersweet at best, but at least it was real, "There's the future," he told her honestly, "That we can come back to. A home too."

It was all he could honestly offer her at that moment, but there was a hint of hope in his eyes; he was willing to work for it. Work it out. See what life and time wouuld carry for them, "It... can't get any worse. It's bound to get better from here. They say that ... the calm comes after storm, and these lands claim that..." a pause as he lowered his gaze to the sleeping cub at his feet, "That it out of the darkness that we learn to see, and out of the silence that we learn to sing."

She smiled as his smile was turned upon her, watching his eyes with her own as he spoke. With a slow nod, she moved closer to stand beside him, watching him as she did so. "I can come back to a future, and a home, so long as I have them to look forward to." His next words made her laugh, sad as it was, the laugh of someone who had poured their heart out and more and had nothing left to give. But it was something.

"I don't see you as the singing type," she said softly, the hint of a joke in her voice. It was soft, as much as she could bear in the aftermath of it all. Her eyes then shifted down to the cub, watching the sleeping girl. It really wasn't her fault, and she couldn't blame her for any of this.

"She's going to need a mother, at least, and I can do that," she said softly, smiling and turning her eyes back up to him. The sadness was melting away slowly, at least. "I know you can't do it alone."

"And you'll never see me sing. No ofense to these folks," he snorted, then leaned his head down to pick up the slumbering cub from the ground, his ears twitching towards Aviva.

It was time to let go of the past; it was time to look forward to the future. To create a future for himself... a future he could actualy touch, this time, unlike last time he'd tried. Her words caught him off-guard at first, and Mundoo's eyes widened a touch for just the smallest of moments before he leaned his head into her, placing his forehead against Aviva's. It wasn't a lover's touch, not by far but.... it was something; specialy as a tear rolled out of his eye and down his cheeck, "We can do it together," he murmured as he leaned away from her and gave her back the space he'd invaded, slowly padding up ahead, only to pause after a pace or two to look back, waiting.

She smiled at the touch, letting her eyes shut slowly, burning the sight of him and that one tear into her memory forever. Perhaps some good did come of storms after all. "I know we can." she whispered as he moved away, pausing for just a moment to regain her breath. It was silly, but he truly did make her heart race - even now. She opened them to see his expectant face waiting for her, then, with a new shine to her eyes, she let out a small laugh and walked after him. A new start for them both.