All information that I have ever received on the matter has stated that you can perform the Great Rite either "in token" or actually. The Great Rite is a sacred act and if it is forced in any way, would negate the sacredness of it. Obviously there are going to be covens that do practice the Rite “actually” (especially many of the more traditional ones) and that is their choice, but they should be up front about their practices. If you are not comfortable with those practices, then odds are that particular coven is not going to be a good fit for you.

Achieving Third Degree status is something that should take many years and many never choose to elevate to that level unless they are specifically seeking to form their own coven. You are not required to get your Second/Third elevations and it’s not something that you would get kicked out of the coven for not having. Elevating to a higher degree is a personal choice that can only be made when you are ready to move on to that level. When you feel that you are ready to take on greater responsibilities then you would seek your elevation.

Initiation: initiation of the personality... if you are initiating into a coven then HP/HPS are only facilitators of the process - the actual initiation is between you and the Goddess/God...you formally accept that you are a Witch. Can initiate other First Degrees only in special circumstances (also depends on your tradition).

Second Degree (elevation): initiation of the spirit... this initiation is a test of faith...usually only done after many years of being on the path and only when you are feeling comfortable with yourself in your practice. Can initiate other First Degrees (Second Degrees in special circumstances). Can form own covens in special circumstances.

Third Degree (elevation): initiation of farewell...when you feel you are ready to move away from the “mother” coven and start your own, you would seek your Third Degree. This is usually after many, many years of experience. Can initiate all degrees.

More information on Initiations (some of these are for specific Wiccan Traditions, others are more eclectic):
http://sacredcirclescoven.com/Initiation.htm
http://exwitchaustralia.com/Glossary/INITIATION.html
http://www.coven-of-cythrawl.com/Degree_System.htm
http://www.wicca.utvinternet.com/BOS/bos12.htm
If you want specific “traditional” initiation rituals you can read “A Witches Bible” by Janet and Stewart Farrar. In general though the initiation process is going to depend completely on what tradition you follow, if you are lineaged or on an eclectic path. I have heard the same three degrees described in so many different ways that it is hard to say which is correct.