My Hero (tell me what you think)

[Mika of the Abyss]

The strong have become frail.
Their hero must not fail.
Their king has no sight.
Thinking they will die without a fight.
Their hero will fight with all her might.
To bring back the light.
She must not cry.
Or else she will surely die.
She lived to harvest rye.
Where she could see the sky.
She is a farmer's daughter.
She has never seen manslaughter.
But now she draws her sword.
To defeat the evil lord.
Now it's war.
They must even out the score.
Dead the people lie.
Still she doesn't cry.
It is the world's final hour.
She must fight with all her power.
The king is evil to the core.
To defeat him you'll need the power of four.

This poem is going to be the beginning of a story I am writting.

 

[Otulissa]

Just some edits:

Line 3 should be "their" not "they're."
Line 11 should be "farmer's" - you missed the apostrophe.
Line 12 should be one word: "manslaughter" ...I think. XD You may need to check a dictionary.
Line 15 should be "it's" not "its."
Line 19 should be "world's" - you missed the apostrophe.

Now, for comments:

Hm... great poem! I like how each line is short, simple, and to the point. I liked the set-up of the poem and how each line ends in a period. It's definitely original, and something fresh. I like it! I can see the beginning of the plotline of your story, and now I want to read it! ^_^ Great job!  

[Irishroseh]

Can't wait to read the story!  

[Mika of the Abyss]

My story shall be going into the long process of writting as soon as I have time. I hope it turns out good. Thanks for the comments!  

[Otulissa]

You're very welcome!  

[Mika of the Abyss]

Okay well here is the update! I have started writting the story and will be putting it into my journal for now if anyone wants to check it out. I still have to add more details to it so its not really that good yet.  

[Otulissa]

Oh, congratulations on starting your story! wink I am about to log off...so I hope to read it later!  

[Mika of the Abyss]

Okay for all the people who wanted to read it I have just finished adding it to my journal its not that good yet but its the best I could do in the middle of the night.  

[Otulissa]

Great word choice! There are a few typos/spelling errors; you just have to go back and take a peek . wink  

[Mika of the Abyss]

Thanks Otulissa 3nodding  

[Otulissa]

You're welcome!