The Commandments of Coyote

[WebenBanu]

I found this on the LiveJournal by cadhla- click here to visit. This really amused me, since a coven with which I used to work on festival organization type stuff claimed Coyote as their patron (yeah, I know- Coyote inspired planning sessions, it was a very interesting group^_~).

The Commandments of Coyote.

I. Thou Shalt Have As Many Gods and Spirits and Personal Trainers and Gurus As You Like Before Me, But You Shalt Not Let Them Block the Exits, and More, You Shall Not Permit Them To Take the Last Beer, For That Beer Is Mine. Seriously. Don't.

II. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, But Thou Art Totally Welcome To Admire Her a** When She Walks By, and If It Happens To Come Out That They Are In An Open Relationship, Dude, Tap That a** As Much As They Are Willing To Allow. Same Goes For the Ladies. Coveting Is Sort Of Stupid, But Sex Is Just Plain Fun, Unless Thou Art Doing It Entirely Wrong.

III. If Thy Neighbor Says 'Hands Off My Wife, Dude', Thou Shalt Listen and Back Off, Because Otherwise, Thy Neighbor Will Be Totally Justified In Hitting You About the Head and Shoulders With Gardening Tools, and Don't Think That I'm Going To Step In There and Stop Him.

IV. Adultery Is Actually Pretty Fun. Commit It All You Like. Just Make Sure Everyone Is Cool With It, Or I Will Not Help You Out Once the Hitting Gets Started.

V. Thou Shalt Not Eat Poisoned Bait. If You Do, Don't Come Whining To Me About It, Because I Am Very Unlikely To Care. Once It Is In Your Mouth, It Is Your Problem, Not Mine.

VI. Of Course Thou Shalt Kill. Carnivores Do That. Also, Swatting Mosquitoes, Sort Of Instinctive. But All Creatures Are Alive Before You Kill Them, and So Thou Shalt Respect Them In Their Lives and In Their Deaths. Thou Shalt Not Kill Without Reason. Thy Neighbor Tapping Thy Wife's a**? Is Not A Reason. Don't Make Me Set A Plague Upon Thy a**. Thou Wouldst Not Enjoy It, I Promise.

VII. Thou Shalt Not Hoard. Seriously, Here. If You Have Enough, Share. Only Asshats Bogart Life.

VIII. Thou Shalt Not Be A Martyr. If You Have One Beer, Drink It. Do Not Give It To Me and Then Expect Adoration. Dude, That Was Your Beer, I Did Not Break Your Arm To Get It. Give What You Can Give, and Expect Neither Praise Nor Worship. You Are Not Being Morally Superior, You Are Being A Decent Human Being. There Is A Difference.

VIV. Assume This Is It. Maybe There Is Reincarnation; Maybe Not. Not Only Am I Not Saying, Please Consider the Fact That I Probably Get A Say In Whether You Come Back, and If You Are the Sort Of Person Who Doesn't Do Anything With One Life, Why Should I Waste My Time Giving You Another One? Live Like You Get No Second Chances. You Will Have More Fun.

X. Are You Going To Eat That?  

[Jishin]

I saw that earlier today. Very, very funny. ^_^ And very true.  

[Jameta]

Schweet. whee I could also see something like that supposedly coming out of Raven's mouth (probably adding fish to the beer).  

[Cosmic Space Orange]

that was the greatest 3nodding  

[crazy_burrito]

Quote:

Don't Make Me Set A Plague Upon Thy a**.

xd I laughed outloud reading that  

[Nihilistic Seraph]

I read this outloud to my friends...  

[Miss_Spell]

LOL, those were pretty funny.  

[blukattt]

Totally hilarious!

As an Otter I can associate with several of those! 3nodding  

[Rioto_Kish]

rofl That was so funny! I loved it!  

[Seira Relur]

This made me think of Family Guy and the commandments that Moses Griffin gave to the Jews...

"Alright, listen up! Before we go any further, I'm gonna lay down a few rules. Alright,
Commandment number one: Shut the hell up.
Commandment number two: There's nothing I can do about the sun.
Commandment number three: There are no more Jolly Ranchers. They're all gone!
Commandment number four: When we pass a billboard, please don't read it out loud. Alright? Now come on! Let's get going!"