She looked ragged, to say the least. Her fur was still mostly wet, except for around her face and along her spine where the sun had dried it first, leaving it tussled and hardened from the salt water. Her eyes were slightly red, as if she had been crying. Her legs were coated slightly in sand from where she had been walking along the beach, and overall, she just looked disheveled and disgruntled. She didn't look happy, but rather upset instead.
Her eyes were searching, glancing out along all the areas of the beach that jutted into the ocean, or the usual spots that she had frequented as a cub with her friends. She wanted to find Nili, for comfort, but knew that her duty led her to the other brother. Now was no time for her to be selfish, lest she get another taste of the ocean's fury.
"Panu!" she cried out, though as soon as she did it, her voice broke. Her throat was sore from salt water, raw, and it caused her voice to crack. She grimaced lightly and cleared her throat, pausing to look around her. Where was he? Part of her hoped that she didn't find him, so that she didn't have to go through with any of this. She stil wasn't sure what she was supposed to be doing, after all. The reasonable part of her, however, knew that she had to.
His voice on the wind, but it wasn't from his mother's mouth. Panu lifted head and ears alike; he'd been laying upon a boulder, halfway up the cliffs overlooking their little cove. The male blinked drearily, coming out of a light snooze to look around beneath him. He noted as he did that a storm had rolled in from .... somewhere. The wind was becoming wild and the ocean was uneasy.
Uneasy like the female standing ragged on the beach below him. His heart lurched a little, despite the weary sadness he felt at being forced to deal with her. And forced it was; he couldn't be rude, no matter that she wasn't technically of their pride, and he couldn't in good conscience ignore her.
Plus he'd told Sewtie....
Panu climbed to his feet, thinking briefly that she'd at least been kind enough to use his true name rather than his old one, and began to make his way down the rocks to join her. "Can I help you?"
She frowned slightly at the way he addressed her, on such a purely emotionless level, but didn't have the heart or the strength right now to snap at him for it. Not to mention, she could feel the tension in the air, the storm that was building on the ocean, the threat that seemed to be lingering should she say something wrong. She glanced out at the water uneasily for a moment, for perhaps the first time in her life showing some fear of the muse that she had always embraced so openly.
She sighed and simply turned her eyes away, relaxing slowly into a sitting position. She was tired. Tired of walking, tired of thinking, tired from fighting for her life earlier, and yet she still had a long way to go. "I came to talk," she said quietly, in that raspy voice, her own words like claws to her throat. She turned her reddened eyes up to look at him, waiting for some reaction. She was trying to be patient, she truly was.
He nearly snapped. Nearly. Instead, Panu shook his head and considered a moment. His blue eyes rose to the sky, considering it for a long moment before he nodded, slowly. "Alright... there's a cave back there that will be more comfortable.."
He turned and began to head back into the jungle as thunder rolled overhead and lightning split the sky. "I have a feeling this is going to take some time." He didn't mention whether he meant her or the storm.
She hesitated as the thunder rolled, pausing in her action to push herself to her feet. She could feel the wind blowing her half-dried mane tuft, brushing it against her face. The pit of her stomach felt like it was full of thorns, and the lightning strike did nothing to calm that. She finished her motion, pushing herself back up onto sore limbs, and turned to follow him as much as it pained her to do so.
"I think so," she agreed quietly, stepping beneath the canopy of the jungle and following where he led her. She'd not really gone very deep into that part of the pride before, as the beach was where she spent most of her time. She didn't know how to navigate it well at all, and only moments in, she was tripping up over vines and all sorts of underbrush. She gritted her teeth as she did so, yanking her feet free despite the protest of her muscles, determined not to snap. She couldn't afford to go into this in any worse of a mood than she already was.
Panu glanced back several times to see her progress. Eventually he gave the faintest of sighs and turned to remove some of the jungle debris from her person. When he was done, he felt a few drops work their way through his fur and knew the storm wasn't long off. "Walk closer to me in my wake. They won't trip you if you don't fight them about it." Once more he moved off, picking an easier path, and paused to hold limbs out of her way when needed. Fortunately the cave wasn't far away now, and came in sight just as the thunder boomed over head once more, crashing like a giant on the cliffs.
She didn't even hear the sigh, concentrating as she was upon keeping herself in a moderate mood. As he turned back to help her, she frowned, watching him, but didn't fight to stop him or tell him not to help. Once he had finished, she shifted her paws, then did exactly as he told her, despite it being awkward being closer to him. "I've never been far in the jungle," she admitted after a moment of silence, though she cringed immediately as the thunder boomed overhead.
As the cave came into site, she was at once both pleased and weary. She was glad to have shelter, and yet, that meant that she had to actually talk to him now. She didn't pass him to go in, but waited. She was unsure of everything, of what she was supposed to be doing, otherwise she would have just tramped on in and taken a seat without a second thought.
He headed on in without her, though a part of him wondered if he should have let her go first. At least she hadn't just shoved past him--for once she wasn't acting like she owned the place, OR him. "You've been coming here since we were kids and you never went into the jungle?"
"Why would I go in the jungle? The ocean stops at the beach," she said simply, shrugging her shoulders, as if that was all that really mattered. She had talked to him once about treasure hunting in the jungle, but she had never gone - that conversation hadn't exactly ended well. As he headed in, she followed, then curled up against the wall of the cave slowly. It was nice to sit down and rest her muscles. She was tired and sore, and she didn't feel well.
"There's more to life than--" He shook his head. That wouldn't get him anywhere. As Panu curled up against the opposite wall, a curtain of rain blocked the entrance of the cave. "... monsoon coming in early this year." He pointed out, small talk taking over anything important. "i hope that's a good sign. One might think the muses dislike the turn of events here."
She ignored his first words, though the thought did spark a certain irritated flare with her. She let it pass, which took more effort than a lot of people might have thought, and simply concentrated on the small talk he was settling into. That, of course, proved to be the much more disheartening of the two conversations. "The ocean was angry earlier," she said quietly, in that raspy, croaking voice, "I'm not sure if that storm is a good sign at all. I thought coming here would make it better but.." she trailed off, chewing at the inside of her cheek, and stared at the rains that beat down upon world outside. It made her heart wrench, and she sighed. She needed to talk to him, but she didn't know what she was supposed to say.
"Is that why you were...." He paused yet again and shook his head. "You look as if you had a fight, yes."
It wasn't easy being polite with her. All in all, he felt as if he were dancing on eggshells--afraid to crush one in case the mother bird plucked his eyes out. Panu raised a paw to rake over his growing mane and heaved another sigh. Damn it all. Damn it. "what was the ocean angry about?"
She grimaced lightly as he began to ask that question, pursing her lips. She didn't want to answer it, as it was embarrassing when it came down to it. She had provoked the ocean, gotten angry with it, and it had proved just who was the stronger of the two. "Yes, a fight," she muttered, looking down at her still wet paws. It wasn't even really a fight. More like the ocean teaching her a lesson.
She sighed at his question, knowing that it was inevitable, but that didn't mean she truly wanted to answer it. She was trying hard to stay calm, not to snap, because that was what always led to them fighting. "Well," she said slowly, "I assume it was angry because I was mad with you and kept calling you stupid when it was obviously defending you." She shifted, grinding her teeth slightly, though more from uneasiness than anything else. Well, at least he was being patient enough to go slow with her. How long he lasted, well, she wasn't sure - but she appreciated it for now.
He tried to suppress the snicker, but it was more than he could bear and snicker he did under the mask of the roaring rain. Panu turned his head that she might not see, even in the pale light, the amusement marking his maw and eye alike, and instead lowered his ears to deceive her further. His voice he could not hide, and he winced for such an error, when he replied and shook of laughter, "Defend me? It certainly has come quite a turn from drowning me in childhood. At least I had not worry what that force says of me behind my back, whatever it speaks of to my face."
More seriously, he added in an attempt to sway her likely anger, "I am sorry it went so far in its.... hm... Opinion."
She heard the snicker, and frowned at it, her brows furrowing, unable to suppress the well of irritation that swelled up at the sound. She did, however, notice that he turned his head away to hide his face, and thought perhaps he was trying to spare her some form of embarrassment. She groaned lightly to herself and lay her head upon her paws, letting her eyelids shut. Her back hurt, where she suspected she run against some rocks in her tumbling, and the soreness did nothing to help her battle her mood. "Well, I should have known better than to get angry with it, I've seen the creatures washed ashore that it's tossed among the rocks before." It was amusing, on some level, the lesson it had chosen to teach her. When she got angry with Panu, he often simply left in a huff - the ocean, however, fought back.
"Why are you apologizing?" she said with a sigh, opening her eyes, "I deserved it, didn't I? For hitting you, for doing whatever I've done, even if I'm still not sure I understand it all."
"There's no reason to hit someone, especially if they don't know what they did. It doesn't teach any lesson, it just hurts them and wounds their pride." Panu replied steadily. He looked at her and sighed. This wasn't... Kapuki. kapuki was fire and passion and self righteous haughtiness not...... this.
He moved closer as some water crept into the front of the gave. There was a slight tilt to the floor so it wouldn't rise very high, but it did mean he would have to move further back in order to keep dry.
He settled himself against her without invitation and bent over to begin cleaning her. If she wasn't going to put herself back together, he would have to do it for her. If only because he couldn't stand to see her this way.
She frowned at his words, shaking her head slowly. "I hit you," she said softly, clearing her throat again after she said it, "and you didn't deserve it." She thought he did, at the time, but after her little tussle with the ocean, now she wasn't so sure. "I thought you did, I thought you deserved a lot of things, and.. changing my mind has never been easy." She did deserve it, she knew she did. If she could not see what needed to be seen, who else could show her but the ocean? "I needed a good.. push." She laughed, weakly, at that thought. It wasn't so much a push as it was a shove, a kick, a bloody plunging into a death trap.
She shifted, opening her mouth as he moved toward her, about to ask him what he was doing, when he settled down against her. She grimaced slightly, not from him being close, but from the sheer soreness of her body and having him touch it. Despite it, she couldn't pull away, or didn't want to, because she felt that twist and wrench in her heart again. "What are you doing?" she asked softly, with a weakness to it that had nothing to do with her raw throat.
"Setting you to rights," He replied in a grumbly tone that welcomed no argument. He let his tongue course over her shoulders, slowly settling her fur into its proper place. He wasn't really sure HOW to talk to her, that was the worst part... action was the easier choice, so long as it wasn't hitting.
She opened her mouth to argue with him, then promptly snapped it shut, realizing it truly wasn't the time to do that. He was being nice, at least she assumed so, so she lay her head down upon her paws and shut her eyes. It was soothing, more so than she imagined, although the longer he touched her the more her heart beat sped and her stomach began to feel like it was filled with insects. "Be careful," was all she managed in reply, "please." The last word was an afterthought, but as much as she appreciated what he was doing, she did need him to know that her body was terribly hurt.
After a moment of sitting there in silence, letting him groom her as he saw fit, she opened her eyes to stare out at the rains. She needed to talk, to say something, or the moment would pass and they would be left with akwardness again. It was hard, biting her own tongue and getting over it, but the storm outside was enough of a push and reminder as she needed. "I didn't mean to hurt you," she said finally, figuring it was as good a place to start as any. She knew he was hurt, over Nili, over a lot of things. She ignored it before, or didn't care, but now she knew. The ocean had told her many things in the aftermath, after its fury.
He understood what she meant when he got down to her back. She was scratched up and bruised.. probably from the rocks. Poor thing.
With utter care he got rid of the knots and mattes and grime, helping her to get more of her shine back as he listened to her speak. "Neither did I, you. But there isn't much we can do about the past."
She let out a deep breath as he moved down to the sore spots on her back, glad that he was careful. It did feel better to have it cleaned, it didn't feel quite so heavy. She stretched out her front limbs and shifted just slightly so that she could glance back at him.
She furrowed her brows at him, slightly frustrated that that was his only answer. She worked up all the strength to say that to him, and that was all she got. She half opened her mouth to snap and then shut it, glancing away quickly. She was doing good, there was no reason to lose her temper now, especially not since he had apologized too.
She sighed lightly and set her head back down, more to the side so she could watch him than it was to the front now. "I looked for you," she said finally, searching for anything to say to him, something that showed him she did care - because she did, really she did. "Nili and I, we went to find you, when you left, but.. you were gone."
"I didn't care to be found." He replied, moving down to to her belly, bent over her back as she turned. Carefully he cleaned and thought through his replies. "I did not need to be found, Kapuki. It was best for me to face the outside world, beyond this blessed place's peace."
He paused and lifted his head to look into her face, "You were kind to look... but its best for all involved that you found nothing."
She shifted, letting him get to her belly, although the frown on her face only became more evident as he continued to talk. The way he was speaking was not at all comforting to her, even if what he said was true. "Fine," she said quietly, rubbing at her face with a paw, "I'm glad you found whatever you were looking for."
She turned her head away from him again and looked out at the rain, laying it down. It was hard to keep up a conversation with him, or at least felt that way.
"What is it that you want from me, Kapuki?" He asked, still not looking away from her. "Just.. please. ask it straight out."
She frowned, feeling his eyes on her, hearing his words. She shut her eyes, trying to find that strength again, that confidence to talk to him. "I don't know," she said softly, caught between the urge to cry and growl, frustrated and upset all at the same time. She felt like a child, and she hated it - she wasn't a child.
"I want you," she said finally, slowly, her throat closing around the lump that had formed. She felt her heart twisting again, because she knew it was a hard thing to say to him, or to expect of him. She had only come to terms with it recently, she had only become aware that she wanted him because she wanted it, not because she thought she owned him. "That's all," she said softly, staring out at the rain, still refusing to look at him, too afraid of what she might see.
Gods almighty, the muses had a sense of humor indeed. Panu shut his eyes and leaned in to groom her chest and neck as he thought. One forearm slipped up her side and moved about her, holding her back against his chest as he groomed her.
Though a part of him wished to, he could not deny that there was still affection for her left within him. He'd railed against it for a long while, knowing exactly what it was he felt, but also hating that he did. But did he have the courage to test this? to try?
She seemed as if she were willing to work on it, and he had told Sewti that if she were....
But what good was it to go into this as a challenge? Was it fair, to either of them, to try this as nothing more than an experiment and find later that it could not work? Would it be any easier, or only result in more heartache?
Yet his heart rebelled at the idea of doing as Sewtie accused him--of turning at hardship and running, like a coward, into easier isolation. "I won't be owned," he replied softly. "Though I believe in what the muses tell us, I do not believe in a person owning any other.... but that isn't to say that I.... I do care for you, Kapuki, against all form and reason. I have for a long time, though I expressed it in a .... heh.. very regrettable fashion in my youth."
His ears laid back and he rested himself with his head cupped in the space between her chin and chest, "I'm not an easy one to put up with."
She jerked her head around, although immediately regretted it because of the pain it caused, at the words she heard. She had expected him to tell her no, to tell her anything but that what he did. The way he had been acting was as if he had almost given up, and to hear that he did care for her, even now, after all of it, was something she hadn't honestly expected to hear in the slightest. She was waiting for him to tell her that it was too late, and she would have accepted that, but for this she was unprepared. Greatful, but still unprepared.
"You expressed it the best way you could with how I treated you," she said slowly, obviously calculating her words, working on what she was trying to say. "You said we can't change the past, and we both did things that we.. regret, I just realized what I was doing a little slower than you." She had to grow up sometime, and now might as well be then.
She let her head rest back down, shifting closer to him, pressed as close as she dared with as sore as her body was. "I don't want to own you, that was a silly child's idea," she said in that croaking voice, which sounded even worse now that she had been talking so long. "I want to be with you because I care about you, not because the ocean washed you up at my feet." She shut her eyes, breathing in deeply, finding his scent mingled with the lingering smell of salt from her own form.
He actually laughed softly and nuzzled under her chin once more. She seemed tired--and likely was after a battle with the Ocean. Things weren't precicely perfect between them, and likely would not be for some time yet, but already the situation was less awkward.
"Perhaps I should thank it, at least for some of its foresight," He ventured softly. Beyond that he did not reply and instead closed his eyes that he might sleep.
His laugh made her smile, and for once, it felt nice between them. No, things weren't perfect, she knew that, and they were still going to have to figure out a lot but at least this was a step in the right direction. She felt like she had done what she was supposed to, helped herself do what she wanted to do. She didn't feel so lost anymore, she didn't feel so terribly confused.
She smiled at his words, but let her eyes remained closed. She truly was tired, and now that he seemed content to stay by her side and sleep through the storm, that was all she wanted to do as well. She shifted until she could nuzzling her cheek lightly up against his and then let her body fall into the slumber she had been fighting for hours.
