A Captive No More

[Virgil Lifeson]

{ABOUT} A friend of mine on another forum made a roleplay. In this roleplay there was a group of heretics who had these spirits, and they were conspiring to kill god. In this version, my character was in charge of finding these heretics and exterminating them. Alas, she gets her own spirit after showing the mercy as shown in the above text. After that...oh who knows. {/ABOUT}

I stood there, in full ornate armor, and my fleet of guards all had guns trained on her. She, on the other hand, was lying there bloodied, and barely concious. And for what? Because she had a spirit? A spirit that takes form to her creative will? So what, I thought now, she's still a human being! And God himself, and our savior, told us to love thy neighbor, right?

:That's the spirit...no pun intended.:

Wait. That's not my thought.

:No s**t, sherlock.:

Either I'm hallucinating, or I'm conversing with a spirit. Since the former is as unlikely as Judas going to Heaven, I figure-

:Bingo. Congrats. Somebody give this woman a prize.:

If this is all real...I may as well entertain the guy. Apparently I'm bonded with the guy now. Though usually it's customary for the guy to introduce himself first.

:All right. Trivialities first. My name's Tuomas.:

Charmed. Call me Joan. So before I go save the girl, as I know you'll tell me to do, what's your choice of power.

:Healing, mostly. A bit of defence-:

Convenient. Now shut up. Something then caught my eye. One of the men's trigger-finger's were getting quite itchy. I chose that moment to act, right before he pressed the trigger. Lunging across the gap to shield her body for the now erupting hail of bullets, I rested my hands on her body. It felt as if Tuomas was flowing through my hands, and into the girl. I felt all the pain her wounds, as if they were mine, but dulled by something.

She opened her eyes as the wound in her side sealed up. She had this confused look on her face. I knew what she was thinking, considering it was obvious: I was once her enemy, about to seal her death with naught but a command. And now I was saving her? On my side of things, it was quite scary being the shield, but I knew what I had to do. I shielded her as well as I could, picked her up, and ran outside.

Thankfully, they must have been too stunned by my movements to do anything but depress a trigger. I loaded her into a car, and followed suit, setting the car into drive. As the troops came out of the building, I floored the gas pedal, and we were off. on the road, she looked at me several times as if she couldn't express anything but confusion. Maybe that was the case.

On the third time of such, she muttered a "Thank you."

Two words, and I felt on top of the world.  

[SpunkyOtaku]

Aw, that last line was so sweet. Hehe.

I like it. Interesting dialogue, but surroundings need a little more detail. I have absolutely no idea where your characters are at the moment.  

[Virgil Lifeson]

I never did write that, nor did I find it important as I wrote this. The plan was that Joan would end up kidnapping...er...the kid, take her to a church or cathedral and await the rest of her cohorts to basically kill off the "insurgency"

Than Joan gets a change of heart. Which...kinda wasn't supposed to happen.  

[SpunkyOtaku]

But you should find it important, it's a necessity for a really amazing author, depending ont he feel you want for your story. Well, technically it's your story, and you can do what you want. But I find the setting itself is just as important as the characters. I spend a lot of time on settings.
Depending on your setting, it could make the characters react in different ways, just on actions they do to avoid a natural obstacle, whether it be a tree or a building or mountain or water. It can make a chase scene more exciting, or give an important mood to the story scene itself. Right now, I litereally imagine them in a white space. Because I'm looking at a white screen, and I have no referances to go on. I mean, the 'buildings' mentioned once sort of popped out of nowhere. No colors, depth, nothing. At least mentioning a car and road was really good, because the interior of a car is a slightly more intimate space, and it gave a more personal feel to the last bit. I'm not saying go into microscopic detail, but give at least a more general surrounding, something solid for the characters to live on.

Oh, whoops, I totally ended up ranting! And just after I said you should do what you want with it. sweatdrop I guess I feel more passionate about it than I thought.  

[Virgil Lifeson]

I'm aware how depicting scenery is as important as depicting the characters in it, as I'm learning as I'm writing a much larger story. But I don't detail EVERYTHING, as it gets annoying, and leaves nothing to the reader's imagination.  

[Otulissa]

Well, I think it depends on the readers. Some readers like it better when the descriptions are very detailed so that he or she can envision the scene perfectly. But, other readers prefer it if the descriptions are loose, so he or she can get creative in his or her mind.

Anyhow, is that story continuing, or not?  

[Virgil Lifeson]

Probably not in this format.

I might return to the roleplay later on, either as such, or as an actual literary work. Either way, not yet sweatdrop  

[Irishroseh]

Psh, even if they tell me what colour something is, chances are that I'll imagine it how I want to anyway.

When I first read this, before I noticed all the bullets and high-tech stuff, I went, 'Joan of Arc?'
That would be an interesting concept.
 

[Otulissa]

Really, Irish-chan? If I read "blue cap," I'll envision a blue cap. xD Although other details will be left to my imagination. Like, whether it's a baseball cap or a pullover cap. And the style of it.  

[Virgil Lifeson]

Irishroseh

Psh, even if they tell me what colour something is, chances are that I'll imagine it how I want to anyway.

When I first read this, before I noticed all the bullets and high-tech stuff, I went, 'Joan of Arc?'
That would be an interesting concept.

Funny, considering that's who my muse was when playing the character. Even named her "Joanne" after her.  

[Otulissa]

Joanne is a pretty name. ^_^

Ahem. Sorry for the random comment. xD  

[Ava850]

I liked it. It was good and I liked how it lets the reader imagine what they are doing and every thing. It was really good.
<3 Ava