This is a poem I wrote give me some feedback please

[Amanda9402]

Breathless,Eternal,
thy world is mine own.
I await thee in the night
when thy heart doth beat
for me alone.
Only for thee
do my arms open
drawing thy soul to mine.
Part, sweet lips,
that I might breathe with thee
taste of thee
surrender to thee.
Shadows alone
do clothe thee,
no mortal touch to conceal
thy sweet frame.
breathless, Eternal,
I await thee.
'My kiss is the dark touch of midnight
I hold the moon in my hands.
the chill thrill of death
the hot pulse of breath
I glisten in Luna's wan light.
The deep ebon whisper of velvet
that cradles each glimmer star
Begining and end,
again and again
My kiss is death's first sweet bite.'  

[FaithBlack]

I really like it. It's romantic, but dark at the same time.  

[Celionis]

It is amazing, keep up the good work.  

[soupeh]

It's pretty good. I'm glad people still know how to use that language properly.  

[Lotus136]

That is so romantic,and the darkness adds to the coolness.You should write some more!  

[shinypiegirl]

I thought it had a wonderful use of older-world terms. I loved how you used descriptive imagery to give the reader a setting.  

[Night Kunoichi]

*Claps* I liked it. The actual language made me think of Shakespeare so I think that really worked for it. Points for you! I can't write poetry worth anything. stare  

[MystiBlu]

Awesome imagery....beautiful  

[Long Beloved Poster]

It's really good. I agree that it's romantic and it does use the older style of language well. I really enjoyed it, so keep up the good work.  

[empress dee]

I think this was copywritten with a song or it was copied from a show like Twilight.