The Hollow Brothers

[Azaizal The great Witch]

The Power

One day in the mid-1600’s in Salem, Massachusetts young Matthew Hollow was coming out of school when these older boys where trying to bully young matthew. When suddenly the bullies drop his books right out of his hands and Matthew gets scared and starts to run to the woods where he thinks he can lose them.

While running from bullies Matthew trips and stumbles into an underground cave. He gets up and jumps to get a look out of the cave to see if he sees the bullies. After a short while he stops looking and sees hat there is a huge cavern deeper into the cave.

When he reaches the end of the cavern he sees the two biggest black doors ever imaginable. Next to the doors he notices an inscription on the wall which is also in Latin. It’s an incantation it reads Ut vos reperio vestri semita est clausus, Totus vos have efficio est infligo.

After he reads the incantation aloud there is this loud rumbling noise and the two big black doors are opened. He walks to the front of the doors and looks inside and sees a floating black box with the seal of Solomon on the top and the triple crescent moons on the sides shining as if the where imbedded with diamonds.




The Power

So he grabs the box and the cave starts to rumble again. He stuffs the box into his the box into his bag and gets out there as fast as he could and starts running to his house.

The second he gets home his mother Elizabeth Hollow asked him how was school. He replied “fine”, and rushes straight to his room

more to come  

[Angelbaby In Love]

Wow. You are a great writer. You need to write more.  

[Beautiful Propaganda]

Very cool. What does the Latin mean?  

[Violet Song jat Shariff]

It sounds like a good frame for a story. You could really expand it out WAY more. Right now you seem to be writing to tell rather than show the reader what is going on.

That might not make a lot of sense. So let me give an example.
Telling: "The dog ran. He ran fast."
Showing: "In a split second the dog's legs coiled and uncoiled beneath him, propelling him forward. The ground flew under his feet as he ran, wild and unrestrained as though all domestication had left him and he was simply raw motion and instinct."  

[Midnight_Scythe]

Man that was reallly great exclaim I hope you post more stories like this
just try to tell thing a little bit more like to show and guide the reader and to get a bit more lyrical