Something I've been working on...

[IGmangachick]

It's a story I've been working on for a while. I'm still not done so don't expect it all at once but I'll post Chapters at a time. If you have any comments, suggestions, concrns, anything to help my writting, then please do tell. I take criticism rather well (unless coming from my bff Kaitlyn cause she can be a b***h when she's right... stare ) so I'm open for ideas! Just, understand and keep an open mind for the first couple chapters, the explanantion of what exactly the creatures their talking about are doesn't come until later. So please, enjoy what you can, hate what you want, comment on what's available, and read it!

Enjoy!

The Tales of Cara

 

[IGmangachick]

1

A slight shifting in the darkness, the beeping of an alarm, it was time to awaken. Asaru sat up in bed and yawned. She looked over to the clock and shrugged, 5 am. While the rest of the world was asleep, she was wide awake and readying herself for a new day. She stepped out of her room in a skimpy Camisole and a pair of shorts and walked down the hall, seemingly awake. She pushed open the kitchen door to see a young boy, probably around ten, eating peanut butter from a spoon.
“Kyra, don’t you think you should wait for Aya and Coro to wake up before you eat all the peanut butter?” She muttered, looking him over and sighing softly.
The boy shook his head. He swallowed down his chewed crunchy peanut butter and looked at her. In a soft voice he uttered out, “Aya and Coro left an hour ago. They already ate. Aya said you and I have to go into town today.”
Asaru looked at him and sighed once more, taking the jar of peanut butter from him and getting a spoon full herself. She pat him on the head then began raiding the cabinets, the spoon dangling from her mouth and her spaghetti strap rolling off her shoulder. Her hair seemed to be standing on end but she didn’t mind it much.
Seeing there was no good food about, she decided she’d be better off just getting dressed since she had to take Kyra shopping again. That kid went through clothing like no one could imagine. Either he found a substance that just wouldn’t wash or he wore clothes and turned around and put them through a shredder when he was done. Either way, he rarely wore clothing a second time due to the condition they’d be in the second time around.
“Why do you have to be hell on clothing? Not even your shoes last a month.” She stated, looking at him and shaking her head. “Alright, you get something you haven’t destroyed on and I’ll get dressed then we can go, ‘kay?”
Kyra nodded and ran back to his room, leaving his spoon in the sink. Asaru walked back to her room as well and slipped into some more free clothing. A white camisole with a calming, less bright white, light weight over coat and a pair of jeans, that always suit her just fine for shopping. She waited calmly in the somewhat wrecked parlor, knowing Kyra might take a while getting dressed.
As Kyra came down the steps in a brown jacket over a somewhat ugly and dirt covered black shirt with torn up jeans, Asaru couldn’t help but giggle. He’d fallen in his bed room no doubt. There was mud all over his face and she shook her head. Somehow, she always seemed to have a mothers touch with him. Taking a washcloth, she wet it a dab and brushed the dirt from his face.
“There, so you have to make me a promise, I want to see your clothing come through the wash this time around, agreed?” She said sweetly, hoping to strike a bargain with the boy. He nodded and bit and gave her a cute salute then grabbed her hand and they headed out, walking down the street, out of the outskirts and into the heart of the cold steel city, a heart of industrial life.  

[Otulissa]

I think it's good so far! I like your voice. But, I have one suggestion: Could you leave a line between paragraphs? It gets a bit messy to read when all the lines are clumped together. I think it might look more organized if you space between paragraphs.

Oh, and I was wondering, what genre is this going to be?  

[IGmangachick]

yeah, the only reasson it's all clumped is because it was on a work document where it's a lot more organized looking. But, it's going to be fantasy, kind of sort of... I'd call it fantasy, other people might just call it fiction.  

[SunnyNights]

Oo! I <3 it~  

[IGmangachick]

XP Thanks. If I get all the issues with typos in the second chapter fixed, it'll be up soon... XD it's much longer by like... half a page in word, I think... although that may be the third... not sure... I'm just mad my comp with the latest died... I have to rewrite that chapter and it was pure geneous... crying  

[Otulissa]

Good luck. XD My computer acts up too. sad  

[iRemlap]

it was really good but it is a tad confusing because of i didnt get who Aya and Coro were but it was very good...
P.s. i've had my comp since dec. and ihad to reset it twice already...(i copyed the harddrive when i got it just in case i got a virus...and i did...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!)  

[Otulissa]

Aw, really? When I have a virus, the computer usually finds out early-on and deletes it. The power of anti-viruses!