[AIM Log] Did We Really Survive? [Hifadhi&Ngao] - FIN

[demonstration_evil]

Ngao still couldn't believe it. She still couldn't believe that she was alive. She only hoped that the others had faired just as well. But though her body trembled from exhaustion and blood still slid from her useless eyes she felt a sense of relief. It almost instilled a mad sense of euphoria in her mind, making her brain feel distant from her struggling body. Kitisho, the one who had been strong enough to kill a god, was finally dead. Hofu had told her she had killed him. But it was something she'd never believe. It felt more as if fate had brought death to him instead. But she didn't care. He was gone. He had not taken the life of her king. Somehow, any other dangers that had taken place seemed pale in comparison. She knew it might not be over, but she felt it was. At last.

She limped back to the heart of the pride, seeking her mentor. Each step was pained and felt as if it would be her last before she fell. But somehow each numb limb kept moving, kept going. Hofu had landed and hopped, landbound, before her, speaking only when he needed to give her direction. It was a slow walk back to the others. But they would take their time. There was little more Ngao could do right now. She had already done so much.  

[demonstration_evil]

Injured. Injured, but not dead, though he had so honestly thought he would be. Rescued by his king... All had been sorted out. Perhaps not everything as he would have liked it to be, but he was alive. Even that was not as he thought it should have been... He should have died protecting Peke. Even though everything had worked out fine, all Hifadhi had done was prove that he was all the more useless. He hadn't been able to hold his own. He wasn't the lion he had been... and though he should have been able to accept the fact that he was getting older, he couldn't seem to. Everyone else who had been in his original group of guards was dead. He was the last one left... and not dying in battle seemed to grate over his entire being.

He lay in the pride, watching as things began to be sorted out at long last. But Ngao... where was Ngao? She was the legacy he wanted to leave behind... Gods, he wanted her to be alright. More than anything. But now that he had thrown out his back and had been wounded by the outsiders, he couldn't even stand, let alone walk. He kept asking for Ngao... but with everything that was happening, no one seemed to know... If only he could stand, but he was useless. He was useless! "Stupid old man..." He snarled to himself, watching the air for Pepo, who had gone to search for the Captain, "Come on Pepo... Find her... please find her..."  

[demonstration_evil]

After what seemed like an eternity, Ngao reached the others. But even as she did, she spoke to no one. Perhaps her appearance shocked them or they were too busy to stop her or they knew she was too tired to waste her breath, because she met no one, not really, before Hifadhi. She could not see the reason, but she was glad of it. It took all she had to finally reach him with Hofu leading her along as patiently and quietly as ever.

She only dared to stop the movement of her paws when she heard Hofu's solem voice, declaring their destination had been reached.

"Hifadhi," he murmured quietly, before taking wing and finding a perch a little ways away to give them room.

Ngao swallowed, both from tiredness and from discomfort. Hifadhi...he was before her and yet now she seemed to finally feel the impact of her loss. She could not see him. She never would again. Her throat grew tight at this thought, her bloody eyes blinking as if it would somehow bring back the lost sense.

"Hifadhi...Hifadhi are you...are you alright?" Her voice, while tinged with her typical control, still trembled. Both her mind and body were overwelmed. It was so hard...she couldn't even smell to see if he was bleeding, for her blood clogged her senses. Her ears strained desperately for his voice that would tell her yes, he was alive.  

[demonstration_evil]

Hifadhi lifted his head, though that was all he could lift at the moment as he heard her voice. Her voice. She was alive. Ngao was alive. The relief that washed through him would have brought tears to her eyes... but no. No. He had to be stronger than that. He hadn't even looked at her yet. He paused and took a deep breath... as deep of one as he could take, before he turned and looked at her, "Ngao..." His voice was losing it's strength. Breaking down. No. No, he couldn't reveal even more weakness. Not when he was so hurt that he couldn't even stand... his own fault. He should have been more careful about his back... But now thrown out. Who knew how long that would take that to heal?

But Ngao... Ngao was hurt... More than she had been before. He thought for a moment what it would have meant if the last conversation they had, really had been their last conversation. A quick speech. No commendation. No telling her that she was like his own child. Not telling her that he really believed in her, more than anyone else he had ever know. Not telling her that he would have gladly died a thousand times over for his apprentice... But Gods... Gods, she was still alive. That hadn't been their last conversation. He could still tell her everything that he wanted to tell her. He could make up for not telling her how much he had missed her, even in the short time he had been away with the cubs, how much he had worried that something could have happened to her... how much Ubele's vision had terrified him.

The thought that she could have died... that he hadn't been there...

"Ngao... Ngao..." He whispered over and over again, "I'm... I'm alright... Oh Hestia... are you... did you make it? Is this real? Are you really still alive? Is this really happening?" His mind had been blown. She was alive... hurt like he was, but alive like he was.

Pepo flew back, afraid he would have to tell Hifadhi that he couldn't find Ngao and that she was dead... but it seemed that she had beaten him too it. He sat down beside Hofu, "...They're both alive... I can't believe it..." The weary bird said quietly.  

[demonstration_evil]

Never had she thought she'd be so happy to hear his voice. She thought she felt tears burning at her eyes, but with all the blood she couldn't tell. But she could feel her weak, relieved smile quivering along her maw. A breath seemed to escape her, one she hadn't noticed she was holding, and her legs gave out. With a rough thump she came to sit beside him. She could feel a bit of his coat, his scruffy old fur, rubbing against her side. It was such a comfort, so much so that she felt dizzy.

"I-I'm alive," she assured him, still amazed that he was as well. If she had lost him, she didn't know what she'd do. "For better or for worse."

***

"Gods... Ngao... I thought I'd lost you, I really did..." Hifadhi whispered, to her, glad to feel his young apprentice's fur against his as he leaned his head over, "I never... got to tell you before... you're so much... like a daughter to me." He winced in pain at his movements, they all hurt him, "I'm sorry... I've been such a burden to you... I failed you so many times..." And he had nearly died and failed her again.

He leaned down, and let out a relieved sigh, "I've never been more happy to hear someone was alive before..." He grinned a little at her comment, "I think we're both a little for worse right now..." He winced again. His damned back. It had pained him long before this had all started... and now he was paying the price for pushing it. It hurt every time he moved, "What are the damages for you?"  

[demonstration_evil]

"You've never been a burden, Hifadhi," she muttered, the thought seeming so alien to her mind when at the present moment there was no sound sweeter than his voice, no matter how many gasps he made in pain. He was alive, that's all that mattered. And somehow...his comment did not surprise her. It still yanked at her already weary heart, but it felt as if...they had always understood that they were as close as any father and daughter could be. She didn't know her real parents. She didn't need to. She had Hifadhi.

"Nor am I. After all...I didn't even know what...trouble you had run off to," she replied, not even mustering the strength to shake her head. Her voice would have to do. Body language was too worn out right now.

She did, however, hesitate on his last question. "...well...they are worth te outcome, that is for sure. Kitisho is dead."  

[demonstration_evil]

Hifadhi smiled, glad that the two of them had managed to at least get that much across. That they understood each other, for they were both usually too 'tough' to admit to such feelings. But he knew she understood... and now she knew how much he viewed her as his own child, since all of his had died so long ago... dead for him to watch dissapere as though they had never been there. But he had Ngao. She was all the family he needed. But Ukweli...

"I am glad that you have killed Kitisho..." Hifadhi told her, "Peke, Umoja and Mapatano are all alright... or at the very least, they will be alright. I wish I could say the same for... Ukweli..." His voice caught, even as he spoke the word. His friend's name. Perhaps his friend would have found the strength to survive if Hifadhi had not passed him by, and had helped him instead of Peke... He did not know... he had been so distracted trying to find the cub but... but... Ukweli would not be able to survive the injuries he had sustained. Hifadhi hadn't been able to save him. He hadn't been able to comfort him. Another failure, even if stopping had meant Peke would die... but he should have said something. Anything. There had to be something he could have done, even if he was not a seer. He had always protected the older lion. He had been a guard of the seer... and now... "I can't save him... he is..." Dying. He couldn't even speak the words. Even with his bonded there watching him, Hifadhi hadn't been able to face the lion yet, even though he was certain to die now, "I've been such a fool, Ngao..." He should have admitted his weakness. That he couldn't save everyone. But how could he? How could he show his weakness and his failing body?  

[Ary Keeyara]

"You're no fool," Ngao hedged gruffly. Because now, more than ever, she understood how he felt. She understood how he couldn't just sit around and do nothing. It was his legacy to protect...it wasn't something you just quit. You carried it with you until you died, even if it was no longer your responsibility to do so. "You've done more than you've ever had to," she ammended, her ears falling back a little in guilt.

So much of this was on her shoulders. She was the new Captain fo the Guard. She was supposed to ensure everyone was safe. And look what had happened? Pride members had died.

"So much of this is my fault," she said, her voice a little chilled with bitterness. She hadn't done nearly enough. "I have been punished for it, but I don't think harshly enough," she shook her head. Fate had taken her eyes for her failures. But she didn't think her sight was woth the lives of her pride-members. Just one of their lives was worth hers alone.  

[demonstration_evil]

Hifadhi looked at her sternly. He was wallowing enough for the both of them, he did not wish that for her. Not for his Ngao, "You have fought well, and done better than I could have hoped for. You defeated a great enemy, when you could have lost and failed our leader, and the innocents around you. As Captain, you cannot always be everywhere. You cannot save everyone." Advice he ought to follow, really, but he had never claimed he was not hypocritical. He was lecturing. Passing advice. Whether or not he himself followed it was his own business, as long as Ngao understood.

"We cannot always be there and protect everyone, even when we desire it most. Even when I was at my best... and you Ngao, are far more powerful now than I ever was then, I did not always save every lion." He hadn't even been able to save his own family... "I could only do my best, and protect those I could, even if it meant endangering myself. You have done that."

He looked at her, and placed a paw on her head, despite how much it hurt him to do so, but it was what he had done when she was a cub, when she had done something silly and he was telling her how she could avoid it in the future, "Your punishment may come in many forms, shapes and sizes... as mine has, over the years... We have lost friends..." He hung his head, "We have lost Ukweli... one way or another... and that perhaps is the worst punishment of all... but..." He looked at her, promise in his eyes, "We are alive, you and I. And though lions like us are meant to die in battle, to protect our pride... there are none in this pride I would rather protect than you, Ngao. That is selfish of me, and perhaps why it is best that I have stepped down... but it is the truth. I would see you safe, no matter what cost or punishment I had to face for it."

The truth, he realized. Something no Captain should ever admit... but he was no longer the Captain of the Guard. Perhaps it was better that way. An old lion could not do the job of a young lion... and he was growing sentamental in his aged state. Now, he knew that he would put Ngao above his pride. Both prides... Now instead of protecting everyone, perhaps he could just protect her.

After all, someone had too.  

[Ary Keeyara]

With every stern word she thought she could remember the expression that went with it. It was hard, but she tried to focus on his words, on his voice. On what wisdom he was trying to pass along to her, even as they both sat sat bearing the evidence of thier live's recent turmoil.

She knew he was right.

It was only rational; she couldn't protect everyone. But that didn't sooth the pain of each of their friends' deaths and how she wished, somehow, she had prevented it. These were spiritual scars she knew she would always bear. But he soothed her little, if only because she knew she wasn't the only one to feel this way. She was not alone in the world. She never had been.

Her blind eyes fluttered as his paw rested on her head, such a familiar sensation that she hadn't felt in such a long time. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, but it was so small, almost secret.

"You fool," she scoffed, more to herself than him. But her voice was warm and sincere, "I'd have no one else by my side." It felt as if he would never leave. Old though he was, he was still here now, after everything. And she knew no matter what came in the future, he'd be with her. Even if he body chose otherwise, his stubborn spirit would never leave.  

[demonstration_evil]

"Yes... I suppose I am quite the old fool..." Hifadhi said, glad that she seemed better. They would both carry scars from this... both the physical ones which would remain, the and spiritual ones from those they ahd failed to protect, but at least they still had each other, "But I will never leave your side... perhaps this old body will go away, but in every way I find I am able to, I will remain for you."

He knew not which lay in the next world... indeed, much of this world was a mystery to him. But if he could be, he would always be by Ngao's side.

And perhaps when he did pass on -which he knew would happen sooner or later- he would be able to seek out Ukweli and all the others who had passed away and say how sorry he was for not protecting them.

But for now, he would do his best to follow his own advice. For there were still lions to protect... and what little wisdom he had left, he would offer to those he could, "I will always remain here with you."