101 things not to do in Twilight *spoilers* | Page 1 | Twilight - The Book, by Stephenie Meyer | Guild Forums

Evil_Dark_Kitty

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Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:00 pm

1 I will not walk into the Cullen’s house wearing garlic.

2 I will not walk into la push wearing wolf bane

3 Throwing holy water at Edward and screaming the power of Christ compels you isn’t funny.

4 Neither is throwing rice or anything else at any one in the book is.

5 Asking Jacob if he’s imprinted yet isn’t funny.

6 Or is it funny to ask this every 5 minutes.

7 I shouldn’t ask Leah what it’s like to loose your boyfriend to your cousin is like.

8 I shouldn’t ask Emily what it’s like to steal your cousin’s boyfriend.

9 I shouldn’t ask Sam what it’s like to be stolen

10 I shouldn’t introduce Emmett to Hentai

11 Or yaoi

12 Or Yuri

13 I shouldn’t encourage Emmett to become the super hero Hentai man and fight the evil FCC and other censoring companies.

14 I will not encourage Jasper to become Edward’s sidekick: Yaoi boy

15 Nor will I encourage Alice to become Yuri girl.

16 I will not call Rosalie Hentai man’s wife and mother of Yuri girl and yaoi boy, Lemon Women

17 Even if it rhymes.

18 Jacob isn’t wolf boy and enemy to Hentai man

19 Trying to make a Cullen become Jewish is like trying to move a rhino with a hippo on his back.

20 Showing Edward yaoi fanficks with Jacob or any one else will make him mad.

21Same goes for Jacob

22 I’m not to throw things at the Volturi.

23 Especially Jane

24 Sending Aro love letters from Carlisle isn’t allowed.

25 Even if he already might get them.

26 Sending letters to Jacob saying I’ve left Edward and will wait for you in London signed Bella, only worked once.

27 I will not name Jacob fluffy

28 Edward isn’t Bat Man

29 Or Dracula

30 playing paintball with Emmett at school gets you suspended.

31 Carslise isn’t Jesus

32 Even if he can run on water.

33 Nor is any Cullen

34 Cutting yourself in front of Jasper, no matter how emo you are, isn’t smart.

35 telling Edward real men sparkle doesn’t do anything because he does, but it annoys Jacob greatly.

36 The Cullens enjoy me dressing up as a vampire much more than Jacob enjoys me dressing up as a werewolf.

37 I won’t give Jacob a flea color

38 or a doggy biscuit when he does something right

39 or a chew toy, etc.

40 Begging won’t make Edward turn into a bat.

41 I won’t give Edward a coffin

42 I won’t give Edward depression meds.

43 I wont run around in front of Jasper with a union flag and say We won and You lost makes the room feel cold with sorrow.

44 I won’t make money using Alice as a fortune teller.

45 I won’t make money using Rosalie as a mechanic

46 Carlisle is a medical doctor not a dentist and doesn’t want to see my cavity.

47 I will not break Esme’s house and blame it on Emmett, even though it worked twice.

48 introducing Stephenie Meyer to the Cullens will makes her faint.

49 Same goes for her publisher

50 and all his fan girls

51 I won’t call the people who work at the mental hospitals on Alice.

52 Even if she twitches

53 I won’t say pretty pretty shiny shiny and stalk Edward around.

54 I won’t tell Bella: “Do you enjoy making Jacob think he has a chance and then leave him to cry himself to sleep?”

55 I won’t make the weekly Alice vs Edward in a chess match that is in side there minds doesn’t get many ratings.

56 How ever Rosalie modeling does.

57 I will not force feed the Cullens human food and ask him what it taste like, even though I know the answer will always be dirt.

58 Asking Bella to Cliff dive brings up bad memories.

60 so do motorcycles.

61 there was no number 59, and that trick only works once on the Cullens

62 it works twice on the werewolves

63 No matter how much I beg, Jacob won’t make La Push into a Casino

64 Apparently the Cullens won’t buy Forks, with their endless money, and make it a casino either.

65 The Cullens aren’t alive even if I try to prove it.

66 is 600 numbers away from an evil number, but doesn’t make Carlisle flinch like I hoped.

67 Throwing crosses at any Cullen aren’t funny.

68 or is it funny to surround the house with crosses and a magic circle while trying to seal the evil magic doesn’t work

69 I will not introduce this number to Emmett.

70 I won’t make the above number a t-shirt and give it to Emmett.

71 I won’t tell the story of Carlisle’s first computer: He threw rice at it and yelled the power of Christ compels you!

72 repeat: I won’t right on things on the Cullen’s skin.

73 I then will not push them into the sun were when the sparkle the words shine in yellow highlighter on whatever is in front of them.

74 I won’t play paint ball in the house.

75 I won’t call Jacob houndoom, even though I think he’s a pokemon.

76 Edward, however, laughs when you call him a pokemon.

77 but only the first 5 times.

78 Bella laughs 10 times

79 I won’t buy Emmett a monkey

80 I won’t break Rosalie’s car

81 I won’t make Edward star on Jeopardy, even though he won.

82 Or Alice

83 or at the same time to see which one will win

84 I won’t show Edward fanfiction

85 I won’t show Jacob fanfiction

86 I won’t buy Emmett a parrot and get him to become a pirate

87 I won’t send 100 poodles to the Cullen’s residence, saying Alice bought them

88 I won’t start a war between the vampires and the werewolves

89 I won’t call Jacob Sam’s homeboy

90 I won’t call Edward Carlisle’s homeboy

91 I won’t tell Edward Bella left him for Jacob

92 I won’t tell mike the same thing.

93 I won’t tell Jacob the opposite

94 I am not a vampire hunter, even if I have a crossbow.

95 I won’t shoot my crossbow at the Cullens.

96 I won’t try to kill the werewolves with silver.

97 Wooden steaks don’t work on vampires

98 I won’t use this as a checklist if I ever get sucked into twilight.

99 I won’t try to get sucked into twilight, by begging Stephenie Meyer, it won’t work.

100 I will not start a war between the Cullens and the Volturi, even though I know who will win.

101 I will never ask Edward if he has ever seen the 100 year old virgin.