[PRV] Never the Same [Peke x Ubele][FIN]

[Nuxaz]

A heavy sigh escaped the cub's maw as he fell down on his stomach burrowing his head in his paws. It was too much, all the responsibility that had been shoved upon him, Ubele and that new cub who came with the prince when he returned. There had been so many deaths, so many that were his fault. Of course they didn't have to interfere but they did, to save him thus making it his fault for their deaths. Then there was the needless death of his sister that lingered in his mind. Was Kuruka's death his fault as well? He couldn't be sure.

What Peke was sure of was that...that he missed her. Missed her terribly. There wasn't a day that went by that he wasn't thinking about her. He knew that it would be better if he let go but he couldn't help but feel as though he was the one to blame. If he had just paid better attention she wouldn't have gotten lost, then she wouldn't have ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then she wouldn't be death.

Suddenly he pushed himself up his teeth clenching together as he let out a snarl, a snarl at himself, before smacking his paw against the ground harshly. Ignoring the pain that shot through him at the idiotic action. "Why had I been so stupid?" He yelled throwing his head back as he did so.

His bonded looked at him with a worried expression. Lately things like this had been happening more and more frequently. And with each occurrence Peke grew moodier and moodier. "Peke..." Nguvu began hobbling closer to the cub touching him with his good wing. "It was an accident, you couldn't have stopped it." He stated trying to console his bonded only to have the opposite effect.

"Shut up!" He growled whirling around glaring at the bird. "Shut up! You don't know anything! I could've stopped it, I could have saved her life. I could have stopped all of them from dying!" He shouted getting into the raven's face. "If I had kept a better eye on her she wouldn't have gotten lost, then I wouldn't have left the other and ran into that witch!" He left out the part that if those events did not happen he would have never met Nguvu.

"Peke! Do not speak to me like that!" Nguvu ordered his eyes narrowing into a warning glare. "Things happened the way they did for a reason and you damn well know it so stop throwing yourself a pity party because I'm sick of it!"  

[Nuxaz]

Peke couldn't believe that Nguvu was speaking to him like that, yet...yet he couldn't help but listen. Something about the fan-tailed raven always made him listen, even if he didn't want to. Then Ubele crashed into their argument and his first instinct was to snap at her but the tone of her voice. Something about the tone of her voice prevented him from doing so. She seemed so...so sad, depressed.

He stepped back his ears folding against his skull. "Ubele..." He started the anger in his voice vanishing. He couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself without understanding why. Maybe it was because she was going through the same kind of thing he was. Where they both had heavy responsibility as the pride's seers and they had lost family. Family they were both close to.

He couldn't help but be grateful that it was Ubele not Ufunuo who had come across him. He wasn't sure if he was up for an actual fight. He bit down on his lip as he lifted his head to look at her. "I'm sorry." What? Was he actually apologizing for something? What had happened to him?!

Even Nguvu was surprised, surprised to the point he jumped back immediately arching a brow in wonder. "Peke?" He mumbled tilting his head as he hobbled closer.

The cub ignored his bonded and instead focused upon the other cub. "How..." He paused trying to figure out the nicest way to speak to her. One point in time he wouldn't have even bothered to be nice but after recent events he was tired. He was just so tired of fighting. Of course if Ufunuo had been around he would have happily fought. Maybe. "How have you been doing?"

He felt so old, so tired and old. So much had happened in such little time. "I...heard about...your...mom."  

[Nuxaz]

"You shouldn't be."

He told her a light layer of harshness added to his tone as he spoke as his expression became solemn. He didn't want her apologies, nor did he want her sorrow. He never wanted anyone's pity yet he always seemed to get it. Always. Of course there wasn't anything he could do to stop people from feeling sorry for him. He could only deal with it, as much as he disliked it.

"Things just aren't the same."

He stated with a light shrug his gaze seeming to be fixed upon her but at the same time it looked as though he was looking past her or simply not actually looking at her. He slowly shook his head and let out a sigh.

"Things will never be the same will they?"

He asked her his tone quiet and monotone. His thoughts were not focused upon her, instead they wandering thinking about everything and how to make things...normal while realizing they could never be. Normal would never be an option for him again.

"We won't ever be normal will we? We won't ever have normal lives again."

He frowned deeply before moving a bit closer to her when she mentioned Kuruka. "I miss her. I miss her a lot." He admitted looking to the ground.  

[Nuxaz]

Peke knew she would understand, out of everyone he had spent some time around she was the one he had felt would understand. She did. Well the most out of any of them. He shook his head and let out dry bitter laughter.

"You know what sucks? I know what the future holds for me and I don't want a part of it but there's nothing I can do about it." He scoffed scrunching his nose up in the process. "I have to stay here, here in the pride where I lost my sister and protect the pride from outsiders when they couldn't really protect us." He closed his head snorting as he did so. "Not only my sister died but so did Ukweli and that other outsider. They died because of me." He told her not like he was trying to get her to feel sorry for him. He simply said it because he needed to say it.

He hated the fact that his life was decided, that he needed to stay here because they needed him. He couldn't leave them no matter how much he wanted to. He had an obligation not only to the other pride members but to those that had sacrificed themselves for his sake.

"I don't plan on dwelling on the past, that'd be idiotic. But that doesn't mean I'm quite willing to let go just yet." He shrugged thinking about how things were before the shaking of the earth. When he, his mother and his siblings had first come into the lands. Things were so much simpler then.

"Things change."

Obvious but important statement. Then she nuzzled him and his eyes widened. He swallowed and pulled away. "W-what are you doing?" He asked as soon as she finished speaking. She had caught him off guard and he wasn't sure if he liked it. Thinking back to her words he nodded.

"I know. But I don't like being angry or sad when I think of her."  

[Nuxaz]

Peke remained silent as she spoke, he wasn't going to interrupt her no matter how much he disagreed with what she had to say. Although Ubele had a very strong point, that he didn't kill them, he was still, to himself, the reason for their murders. Of course if he hadn't done the things that he did Ubele or Ufunuo would probably be captured and held to a life equivalent of slavery.

"I know Ubele I know. Y'know if they hadn't found me they might have taken you or your brother away..."

He stated staring past her into the distance. He didn't give a rat's a** about Ufunuo but admittedly he did care, just a tiny bit, about Ubele. Not that he'd actually tell her that.

"These visions...I don't understand them half the time they come to me. I only get bits and pieces of them." He started before shaking his head. That wasn't what he wanted to say. "It's...unsettling to be able to tell when a person is lying. To know that what they're saying isn't the truth. To be able to see through the deceit and lies that one holds." He shuddered at the thought.

"Everything changed because fate wanted it to."

He didn't care if his words didn't make sense to her, it did to him. Everything happened for a reason even if said reason was a crappy one. Who were they to challenge the way things were? They were only cubs, cubs that could predict the future but only in bits and pieces.

He sighed and hung his head at her words. She had a point. Perhaps that was what had happened to Mchawi and Msiba. "I won't bottle my feelings up anymore so don't worry about me turning evil okay?" He joked cracking the smallest smile.

"Even if it's not I don't care."

Things would be alright. They would never be the same but everything would be alright in the end.  

[Nuxaz]

"If you don't you'll have to face my wrath."

He teased feeling better with each passing moment. It helped having someone who understood, who had felt the same loss and who held the same responsibility that he did. His brother shared the same loss but he didn't share the same responsibilities, he never would. Of course he didn't want his brother to go through the same events...to hold the same burdens upon his shoulders. After all he had witnessed the death of Kuruka. He couldn't ask Dumu to suffer any more than that.

Shaking his head he pulled himself from his thoughts and focused upon the girl before him. He often wondered how it was like to be her. To see events that were happening in the moment, scary things like a terrible fight, a pending death or even worse, though he couldn't imagine anything.

"Fools. We'd be fools to argue wouldn't we?" He replied shrugging as he tilted his head back. "Pride...I suppose so."

He wasn't sure about that. At times he felt like a prisoner. A prisoner to the pride. He knew he could leave whenever he wanted but he also knew that he couldn't. He was bound by his duties. If he left who would be there to tell them whether a new comer was really an agent of Msiba or his sister? If he were to leave would he damn the pride and all who lived there?

Thoughts like that prevented him from ever thinking of leaving even for a day. He was needed and he would do what was called of him.  

[Nuxaz]

It was nice talking to her, to someone he knew was going to really similar things. Their powers differed but had the same common ground. It was something they weren't sure they wanted to have or to understand. But they would whether they liked it or not. Life went on. It would never be the same but it was alright.

"If you'll be a fool with me I'd be happy to be fate's fool."

He told her giving her the first indication that he actually cared. Not once before had he even given her a second thought. He had found her a bit annoying and kept to himself mostly. He didn't fit in with the other cubs. Yet he had actually said something to show he cared.

Maybe this was a good thing after all.

At her statement he let out a sigh before nodding. Her family was probably worried about her. He knew his brother cared but with his insomnia (a result of him trying not to sleep due to fear of future dreams) he often found himself leaving the others' side to wander.

It had become a habit.

"I'll...I'll see you later."

He told her smiling at her before letting it slip from his maw as he turned away and started to trot off. He'd think about things before finding his sibling.