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THE NIGHT BEFORE Xmas
(FGoD edition)
By
E spiritus Halloween

'Twas the night before Xmas, when all through the guild

Not a creature was stirring, not even a platypus that is duck billed;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Fluffy Santa soon would be there;

The Fluffies were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of EIs and MCs danced in their heads;

And DM in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny mongeese,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be the Fluffy St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them all names;

"Now, dummy! now, emo! now, prommie and good-for-nothing!

On, haxor! on stupid! on, scammer and ditzoid!

To the top of the thread! to the top of the mall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and Fluffy St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each fluffy hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Fluffy St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a fish slap to the head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

"A Doomy Xmas to all, and to all a Fluffy good-night."