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 Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:01 am
But did he value it? More and more he'd refused to find himself food, ignored his body's need for thirst. Mostly he lay in the forest of the Kusini'Mwezi and felt sorry for himself, because that was what he was best at. His wasted body had turned into something more sickening, his ribs fully defined against his skin and a look about his face that whispered the obvious of his sleepless days. He knew what he was doing was wrong, he knew when he eventually did face Syeira she wouldn't feel sorry for him just because he'd gone all I'm-a-disgusting-lion-and-need-to-punish-myself mode, rather he felt she'd feel even angrier at him for his acts of self pity. He should have been looking for her every day, trying more and more to make things right between them. How could he after their fight though? She should have thrashed him... at least clawed him at least once... it had crushed him so completely to see how hurt he'd made her. He had never understood what she'd taken him as a mate, why she loved him and wanted such a big family with him. He swallowed and shifted his weight, or what was left of it. He had been laying on the forest floor for half a night and into most of the day, just letting his miserable thoughts wash over him.
He pulled himself slowly to his paws, reminding himself once again that he'd so completely and fully had taken his precious ice princess for granted. He vaguely wondered why he hadn't been run out of the pride from her family at this point, or why he wasn't wasting away in the afterlife. He figured that the pride couldn't bother, didn't care and he was as much as he'd ever been; nothing. No, he was probably considered much worse these days. Or not thought of at all, he was really haughty to think anyone cared about his pathetic a** enough to be thinking of him even in such a poor and negative manner.
He groaned as he started to move through the forest, his bones hurt and he felt as if his blood had turned to sap as it moved sluggishly through his body. His mout felt dry and sticky, his eyelids felt heavy. He could barely keep them open as he stumbled his way as carefully as he could through the forest, he really needed to get to the watering hole. He needed to pull himself together, to figure out a way to make things better between he and Syeira. Thoughts like these were all well and good when one acted on them, but he'd been having them since the fight had happened and he'd obviously done nothing about it. Uumi could think as much as he wanted, but the cynic was much more often prone to doing nothing and just waiting for someone else to fix his problems. Which had usually been Syeira, but he didn't think it would be that simple this time. He felt foolish, sick of himself. He wanted his mate back, desperately wanted to erase the past, but he was still trapt in his habit of self-loathing. He was too pathetic... he should just let himself waste away, die off and let Syeira move on to something better.
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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:17 pm
It was quite irritating to be walking through the woods, with no inclination of where she was meant to be heading. She could walk for hours in the Kusini forest and never find hide nor hair of him, but she supposed that years of knowing him better than he probably knew himself would be what ultimately led her to him. That, and he'd have to be near something that offered something by way of sustenance. She doubted seriously he had been hunting for himself (which meant he probably looked atrocious) so that was likely just a watering hole. That seemed like as good a place as any to start looking.
She checked a few, growing more agitated with each passing. By the time she found his scent in the air, she was already far more irritated with him than when she had started out. Her fur was a little bristled, eyes narrowed on her surroundings, and it was really no surprise that the first expression she offered once she saw him was a slight sneer. He looked terrible, just as she had assumed he would. She could see his ribs, well, more than she normally could, and he looked atrociously unkempt.
"So this is what you're going to do, is it?" She had stopped at the tree line, not bothering to get any closer, just watching him with a look of disapproval.
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Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:45 am
Uumi's breaths were becoming longer, slightly raspier than before. He slowed his gait (though he was already moving terribly slow) and bowed his head, panting slightly. Even that increased his discomfort tenfold, but he kept telling himself he deserved it. He had to play the part of the one who suffored, though Syeira had been the one who'd been ultimately hurt. He should have been fixing things, not making his pain somehow what he thought to be equally close to Syeiras. Part of him laughed at such an idea, thinking that perhaps she was already past it and had moved on with her life. Though that always made him feel a little panicked, and his poor breathing could not afford such oddities as panic.
Uumi could smell the water in the air, knew he didn't have such a long way to the watering hold, but then he was stopped. Stopped almost dead in his tracks by that stunning, beautiful and icy voice of Sye. He winced and stared ahead, looking as if he'd been struck. Why, why did she have to be here when he couldn't stand to face her? Though he didn't think he'd ever be able to face her properly. He finally dragged his gaze toward her, though he wouldn't meet her frosty gaze. How was he even supposed to answer? What were the right words, what would keep her from hating him even more?
His mouth parted just slightly, eyes flicking easily over her coffee colored pelt, loving along her sides. Syeira looked quite kept, groomed and fit as always. It was almost as if the event had not left any physical marks on her, as it'd done Uumi. He was still breathing heavily, and part of him was using it as an excuse to delay his answer. "I didn't think.. you'd appreciate me being around right now.." His raspy throat spilled the words before he could think of anything else to say, and though they were true he knew that wasn't really what sort of answer she wanted to hear. At least, he was sure she was more so asking about his appearance, about his malnourished look and about his self-loathing nature. But he honestly did think she'd not want him around her, anywhere near their den and their grown children. So stuck to his own devices it was rather obvious he couldn't hunt, at least not well enough to catch anything, and if he wanted to be false with himself he could just say he was not feeling sorry for himself but just giving his mate some space.
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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 3:19 pm
Syeira wasn't quite sure what was overwhelming her more, the fierce pang of guilt in her heart that told her all of this was her own doing, or the rage of icy fire that shot up her spine and made her want to strangle him for acting like such a terribly self-loathing cub. On one side of the spectrum, she had come to find him and ask him to come home because she missed him, because her heart ached to have him back, as it ached to see him degenerated to this lowly wraith of a creature. On the other, there was that cold-hearted witch that everyone knew lurked inside of her, and all thoughts of empathy were struggling against her innermost desire to slap some sense into his pathetic skull. As usual, she settled for a comfortable middle - she stayed at a distance and kept her abuse verbal.
"No, I wouldn't have appreciated you being around at first, but now you're just being ridiculous," she said with a slight sigh of agitation, eyes narrowing on his, despite the fact that he wouldn't turn them up to look at her. "You're half starved skin and bones. You can't survive out here on your own, but you're willing to keep trying to if it'll let you act like a little cub for a little longer. I think it's time you ran along home, little boy, don't you?" Oh, the tone of her voice had grown more and more condescending with each word she spoke, as if she truly were talking to a little cub that had done something wrong. In her opinion, if he was going to act like he was just weaned off his mother's milk, she'd treat him that way.
With a little snort, she turned her back to him and made her way towards the watering hole she assumed he had been trying to get to, leaning down to lap up a bit of water. Then, she simply turned back around to face him, or as well as she could considering he wouldn't even look at her eyes. "It's time to come home, Uumi. I'm not going to take the throne with a broken family, these lands have had enough drama for this generation."
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Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:21 am
Yes, of course he was being ridiculous... well, starving himself and not grooming was a bit ridiculous but staying away for as long as he'd done had only seemed logical to him. It wasn't as if he wanted Syeira to maul him before she realized... realized what exactly? That she loved him even though he was a no-good scumbag? Worse than the dung that beetles rolled around all day and not worth her time or wasted breath? That he didn't really deserve to live and perhaps never had deserved life. In face his name meant to let bleed and perhaps that was just what his mother should have let him do. Or in his case, be strangled to death. Then Syeira would have never met him, bullied him and ultimately made the foolish mistake of falling in love with him.
It was cruel, the realization of having something way too good for you. Knowing that your very existence only brought about their misery and pain. At least, this is just what Uumi let himself assume. Something about constantly downing himself made him feel... well not better obviously, but it helped. He winced as her tone became more and more patronizing, though it was rightly so. He was acting like a little cub; a very daft little cub. But what else could he do? He'd wronged her in the worse way possible and he had no idea how to begin to apologize. He wasn't even sure why she was out here, telling him to come home instead of letting him just starve and waste away. He watched as she moved toward the water and almost followed, but found himself still frozen to the spot. His eyes tore away from her and off to the side, to the golden grass all around.
So this was what it really was all about... and something broke a bit inside his heart, more so then when he realized how wrong he was to betray his beloved ice queen. She didn't want to be queen of the lands if it meant she had a b*****d of a mate who did who he pleased... he almost gagged on just the thought alone. But something inside of him, even as so self-loathing as he was right now, couldn't help but feeling selfishly hurt that the reason she wanted him back home was simply for public reasons...
Oh all of the assuming he did in his head! "Yes... of course.. you're right." The raspy words dropped in an almost dead manner from his maw, struggling to think of anything else to say to her words. No, harsh words would not jostle him into anger this time, would not bring about some of the spark that made him... well him. It seemed it would just be this undoubtedly stupid, self-loathing attitude he'd return with. What else could he do? She didn't want things fixed... she just wanted them to appear fixed. Forever in a broken relationship like this? Looking nice to the lions she ruled but feeling the icy wrath in private? His eyes jerked up to her coffee-colored form, wide and shocked, and a wave of selfishness washed over his being. "You don't want to fix this?" The words were light, breathy as if he had barely spoken. Gods above, what if this was really true? And he knew it probably was very stupid to be asking her this, but the build up of panic was blocking him from making wise choices.
He should be the one fixing it... but shouldn't she want him to fix it?
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:21 am
Where was that fire, that spark, that burning anger that he always threw in her face? That was what she expected in moments like these, the times where she was obviously being too haughty and needed to be knocked down a few pegs. She wasn't too blind to see that, she often knew when she was being absurd with him, but without those flames to melt the ice in her heart, there was seldom any reason for her to back down. She missed it, sorely.
As he simply agreed with her, her face contorted in irritation, for a moment looking as if she might truly yell at him - a feat to be seen for sure, for it was seldom that the lioness lost her temper outwardly and gave in to such 'primal' urges. Then, that second sentence fluttered from his maw, and a feeling of pain jabbed her tight in the chest. Her face melted and her eyes narrowed on him in a mixture of confusion and sadness. Did he really believe her that cruel? Maybe she'd not given him a choice.
"Of course I want to fix this," she murmured quietly, a soft note in her voice, though just barely audible beneath her typical stony tone. She moved forward and away from the stream, her pace slow, before she came to a stop in front of him - side turned to face him. "You have to come home, though, before we can do that." She turned her head to look down at him, a brow quirking as she looked down on him from where she stood. "Come home and be my good little king, hm? Then we'll work on everything else."
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:41 pm
As she gave her reply he almost felt as if he would begin crying from the amount of relief that flooded through his very being. Good, at least that much was good. How long would it take to fix it though, and could something like this even be fixed? Yes... yes, there had to be a way. He didn't think he would be able to live long if Syeira really hadn't wanted to fix it, or if she did leave him for good. Truly it was something he thought he deserved, but he knew his want and neediness of being with her would win over even if he tried to go off and die by himself, like he'd been doing before basically.
As she came toward him he felt his longing for her touch or even the brush of her fur against his... even in such a depressed state he found himself surprised at this, because he usually despised others touching against him and had believed he'd only tolerated his mate's touch, or his twin's touch back when they were young. Over all of the time they had been together he hadn't noticed when his tolerant manner had turned to lust, to want and even to some extend need. And even though he was now all aware of that he couldn't place why he'd done something so cruel to Syeira by taking a mistress. It was almost comical, the whole event, if he was not the one part of it all. He, a sickly lion who could barely go half a day walking about, betraying his goddess of a mate- both stunning in looks, intelligence and in prime shape with another lioness. A mute, to top it all off. He sickened himself, completely.
Her last comment made something snap in his brain, something of anger mixed with the constant guild (would that ever leave him, he wondered) and a bit of hurt. He could only take the comment as being something sarcastic and slightly joking- a figure head more than a king. He was going to be a terrible ruler, though in name it would be fine. Still... why was she trying to make light of the situation? Why was he becoming angry over such a stupid thing? He should be jumping for joy she wanted him back to their den... near her. Living. He nodded his head once, still not able to look at her, before he dragged himself to his feet to complete his main journey and first porous in coming to the watering hole- a drink. He lapped at the slightly warm water just for a moment, eyes s**t and a slightly pained expression on his features as the liquid ran down his dry, pained throat.
He glanced to the back left of him, toward Syeira and nodded again. "Yes.. alright... let's go home." The barest of a whisper, confused and slightly scared sounding as if he wasn't really sure what to do with himself any longer.
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Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:51 am
She watched his slow walk towards the watering hole, the pained way he drank such a small amount of the sustaining water. He'd really done a number on himself this time, really let himself get to a point where he could be broken and discarded by the smallest of things. For the first time in ages, she felt the p***k of tears behind her eyes and quickly pushed the feeling away, refusing to cry for someone that was wallowing in his own self pity. Still, the feeling remained, and for the first time in their long life together, Syeira realized that their relationship wasn't quite as one-sided as she'd always believed.
"Don't ever do that again," she said suddenly, even as he turned around and gave in to her wishes, telling her they could go home. Her eyes were burning fiercely, the icy tones alight with some fury she'd only just felt in her heart. Not the fury of being cheated on, or being shamed - fury over the fact that he might have left her for good. What would she do without him? Even as weak and pitiful as he claimed he was, Uumi was the one constant in her life, the one thing that held her together when all else was breaking down. "Don't ever try to do that again, do you hear me?" she repeated. Her voice wasn't cold, as it would usually be with such a statement, but filled with a fierce and passionate anger - and wavering from the remnants of the tears she refused to let fall.
"We're going home, and you're going to eat," she said sternly, watching him with a stare that could melt her own icy demeanor on her best days. Faced with the fear of losing him, Syeira realized that was the one thing she was most afraid of in all the world. "Then we'll talk about everything else." She wasn't going to budge one inch until he agreed.
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