It's all too much for me. [Practically my life story here.]

[iMuffin x3]

So I have alot of issues right now.
I'm debating to stop talking to one of my best friends.
I'm never want to leave school and go home.
And to top it all off. . . I want to be a mother.

It's a pretty long story.

Starts about four years ago, my mom had this BEST friend, she even lived with us. She was practically my second mother. We all (Me, my parents, my sister and the friend.) would hang together, go shopping, play video games, practically anything. Until one night.
My sister was gone at a rely for life thing, and me my mom, dad, and the friend were at home. All of a sudden my dad takes my mom upstiars to tell her something, that the friend was carrying my dads baby. I had no clue what was going on. My mom started running back and forht between the kitchen and bathroom getting razors and knifes, trying to kill herself, my dad following her trying to get her to stop. The friend would not tell my anythign that was going on.
A few hours later my dad comes down to tell the friend that she should leave, so she did. And then my dad went back upstairs, where my mom was packing bags, and starting yelling at her.
Soon enough my mom told me to pack bags for me and my sister, she told me we were going to leave. But that didn't work out my dad just left to go to the friends house with her. He stayed there for a bout a month. My mother at that time wouldn't eat or sleep. all she did was drink beer.
Later, my mom takes my dad back. Why? I'm still yet to know. Now. . .
•They Fight All the time.
•My dad thinks he's just flat out all that, I think it's because he won my mom back.
•They have sex nearly all the time, it seems the only thing holding them together. |:

So I'm pretty messed up from having to go through all of that.
Now to the friend.

See, I'm more of one of those loud obnoxious people. I've always been that way, but still I've matured alot from where I was before, just because what I went through.
Now my frined, is annoying the living out of me. She's allways so immature. and to add to it the only time I'm allowed to talk to my boyfriend, she YELLS at me, saying that I'm dissing her when I talk to her all the time!
It's simply really getting on my nerves.

Now to motherness.
Well obviously theres this guy, I'll tell you about him. His name is Thor, he just turned sixteen. He's a really funny guy, and very romantic. :]
So my story with him. Well.. . . How I got with him, out of pity acually. I never wanted to date him. My freind was dating his friend and we always hung out together. And soon enough I was told that he liked me and my frined was always trying to get me to date him, then one night we were all hanging out together and he looked so sad every time he glanced at me . . . So I finally said yes. So, out of pitty. |:
Me and him ended up really close, it toke a while. But eventually, we went far. We did something we shouldn't have (Take a guess). And well, our condom broke, and we were both scared crapless. So we made a deal, he could talk to someone about it and so would I. But, even though with our efforts not for this to happen, it got out. Soon enough, my sister was told. Then one night she got mad at me and told my parents. They flipped. Then grounded me. I figured it was no biggie. Everyone can get threw groundation but then. My mom read my diary. Now she know's EVERYTHING me and him have ever done. I didn't want to deal with that. . .
So I called up Thor, and told him I was running away. He tried to convince me not to, but failed. So he toke me to an abandoned building to stay in. And told me three days from then, me adn him would run away togther.
BUT, my fathers a cop, and he had EVERYBODY looking for me, I soon enough was found, and arrested.
So, from all this happening Thor parents found out about me and thor,, , ,You know. And told Thor that if he didn't break up with me, he'd have to go back living with his mother, whom he hates, so he broke up with me. Days later I find out I'm pregnant.
I tell him, he doesn't care. He stops talking to me, the last thing he said, "It's for the better." But ever day he started coming to school with blood shot eyes, his frined stold me, over the baby.
In november, the baby dies, due to all the stress I had for losing Thor PLUS the stress from my parents fighting. I'm the worst ever. I couldn't een eat without feeling sick I seriously just fell apart.


About a month later, me and my dad get into a fist fight. I get send to this place, Belmont Pines, instead of going to jail.
I get home in a week.
Go to school.
And Thor talks to me for the first time in months.
Only asking if I was okay.
EVENDENTLY, he as across the street at a friends house when me adn my dad were fighting, I ended up with a concusion, and I was in a strecher being put in a an abulance. He tells be, it litterally felt like his heart just fell out when he saw this.
He starts writing me notes, saying all this stuff aboput how he never stopped caring, how he wished he could take it all back, and how he wished I'd give him a second chance.

I gave him his second chance.
I figured having him back, I'd be fine.
Til', I started having these dreams, of giving birth, now I want the baby I once had back.
I was completly ready for that kid, but my baby ended up dying. And that baby was the only thing keeping me from killing myself (I tryed to three times). Just because I always thought of the fact that I was going to be a mother....


I don't know what to do with all this. D:  

[XTyphonX]

Umm... I'm going to have to notify Echidna. She'll probably be able to comment this better than I could.

Although, I honestly can say that from what I can gather from you story, I don't much care for Thor. You see, I was put in the same situation, but I stuck with my her all the way. We were homeless, cold, miserable and hungry, but we had each other. And that was more than enough.

But yeah, I hope things will straighten out for out here soon. Nobody deserves to go through something like that.  

[iMuffin x3]

Typhon ○ |: Noone ever likes Thor.
I dunno', I still love him.

&& Thanks. I hope things get better too.  

[XxEchidnaxX]

Wow...That was a big story...

...Listen, there is a lot to this. A lot that touches home with me too...It was hard to read. But unlike me, you don't have to do this alone. And I'm going to try to help you.

First I'll address the Best friend....Sometimes when bad things happen...You mature. But your friends don't mature with you. That's normal. It's hard, but it's normal. Your best bet is to talk to her. Tell her what you're going through. If she is a good friend she'll want to help. This may help your friendship grow, so it doesn't have to end. If she doesn't want to help? She isn't a friend. I spent 4 years clinging to a friendship that was like that. All it did was hurt, a lot....It's not worth it.

Now...Your parents...That's really...really ******** up. I'm so sorry... I know how hard it is to deal with your parents when they spiral out of control. There's nothing you can do but watch. Because they wont listen to you...Sometimes...You can't change them. You can't fix the situation. Sometimes it's honestly better to accept that... My mom used to be the world to me. Slowly but steadily she's lost her mind. With drugs etc. She's just gotten nuts. I don't even know the woman anymore. I used to always try to heal, change, fix, her. But there is nothing you can do if they don't want to change...The only person you control, is your self. So...Take control.

You DO NOT have to go home. Don't let them brow beat you. You have rights. Even at 14. What happened between your and your father was ABUSE. So is what you have had to witness with your mother. You need to call child services. They wont rush in and take you away, and if they do, it will only be long enough to force your parents into therapy and parenting classes, I promise. I lived in foster care for a little while. It's not that bad, specially if it's short term. They will monitor your home life from then on, but all that will do is force your parents to BEHAVE. If the don't you have the number for child services. They need to grow up and realize what they are doing to their kids. YOU DESERVE BETTER! So tell them, by showing them you have rights, that you do deserve better. You want them to get better too, because you love them. But you don't have to suffer with their mistakes.

Your momma needs help too. Because she is spiraling downward. She needs someone. You can't do it. Her best friend betrayed her (I know how this feels, I let my best friend live with me and my bf, and she spent the entire time flirting with him.If he'd have been game, she would have had sex with him.) that is one of the worst pains in the world...She can't do this alone. By you going to child services you'll also be getting her help.

Now forget about your parents. And think about you.

What you've gone through is absolutely horrible. From your family life falling apart before your eyes, to a boyfriend who abandoned you when his parents put the pressure on, and to your pregnancy...

This is absolutely the most important thing I'll say to you here. YOU HAVE TO GET HELP! What you have is called postpartum depression. It is a very SERIES condition. This is the thing that leads woman to hurting their babies, stealing babies, hurting themselves. ETC. This is ABSOLUTELY out of your control. You need to talk to a councilor. Even if it's just a school councilor, she can help you get more help. DO NOT BE ASHAMED! Accidents happen. Yes, you made a mistake. But the tragedy of losing a child is a tragedy nonetheless. You deserve help, support, and compassion. Your want to have a baby is normal. But it's not healthy. You need to talk to someone. It wont go away.

I know this because I lost a child too. And just like you it was during pregnancy. What that does to you is beyond description. It's literally as if a huge part of you dies. Your mind is flip flopped upside down. It's chaos. All you want to do is curl up and die. You want to hold something. You cry all the time. You can't help it. It feels like the world is spinning around you and your just standing there, alone, cold, and aching for a baby you know you'll never hold. You dream about birth, about crying. It wont go away no matter what you do....You wont heal without help. It wont go away. GET HELP. I was 15 when this happened to me. You may be scared to tell people. But if they judge you? ******** THEM! I mean it. ******** THEM! They can rot in their judgmental hell!

Now...As for Thor...I think Typhon mentioned that he'd been in a similar situation. I was pregnant, his dad was snooping through my things and found a journal entry. Two pages of it was me complaining about my own insane mother. The next two were complaining about Typhon's ex, and her horrid mothering skills. And the last, his mother. In the end I compared all three (including my own mother) to cattle (I was raised on a farm) and how on a farm, cattle who cannot produce milk, or cannot breed good stock, are butchered. Uselessness is NOT acceptable. They are made useful. They took that statement as a threat on his mothers life. Mind you, they never bothered asking me about it. No, they had Typhon tell my 8 month pregnant self at work that I was kicked out (homeless). Typhon went with me that night after work to make sure I could find a safe place to stay that night. When he came home the next morning his parents freaked out on him for "leaving his mom". They told him he had to chose over them and a place to live, or me....He gave up his family, an easy place to live, for me.

Thor did not. And it was only after you'd miscarried that he came back around. THAT IS NOT A GOOD PERSON! He got scared and ran like a coward. Leaving YOU with the child. Think about this, if he had been there to offer even a little support, you wouldn't have been as stressed. Maybe, just maybe you wouldn't have lost the baby.

What he did was WRONG. And you'd be opening your self to a world of disappointment and hurt for letting him back in your life. I've said this before, and I will tell you again. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!

The summery of this is that you need to get help. If you need help finding resources them PM me. I'll help you find them. If you need someone to talk to, I'll even give you my phone number. You don't have to do this alone.  

[iMuffin x3]

Of course it's a big story, I've got a lot to tell. :]

&& Thanks for helping.

My friend knows that it bugs me how she is and everything, all she's done is acted more immature. It's as if she's really tring to get on my nerves.

Yeah, I stoped trying to fix my mom awhile ago. It seemed damned near impossible.

I've debated going to child services, but I never get myself to. I mean sure, I want to get out of this house, but I couldn't leave this town. I hate the town, but the people here, I jsut couldn't leave behind.

I'm in consoling already. I have to due to being in Diversion, (It's a program kids can go into instead of going to jail). But I'm afriad to tell my consolur things because every session, my mothers sitting in the room.

ABout Thor. . . I wish I really had the patience to type all the notes I've gotten from him . . .
I don't know, they really explain, everything. And I know I may sound like someone hanging off a broken limb.  

[XTyphonX]

iMuffin x3

Of course it's a big story, I've got a lot to tell. :]

&& Thanks for helping.

My friend knows that it bugs me how she is and everything, all she's done is acted more immature. It's as if she's really tring to get on my nerves.

Yeah, I stoped trying to fix my mom awhile ago. It seemed damned near impossible.

I've debated going to child services, but I never get myself to. I mean sure, I want to get out of this house, but I couldn't leave this town. I hate the town, but the people here, I jsut couldn't leave behind.

I'm in consoling already. I have to due to being in Diversion, (It's a program kids can go into instead of going to jail). But I'm afriad to tell my consolur things because every session, my mothers sitting in the room.

ABout Thor. . . I wish I really had the patience to type all the notes I've gotten from him . . .
I don't know, they really explain, everything. And I know I may sound like someone hanging off a broken limb.

FACT: You have the right to ask your counselor for a PRIVATE session. And while you're at it, you may as well ask for a new counselor. Any counselor worth his salt should know that they'll NEVER get the full story from a client while their parent(s) are in the room.  

[iMuffin x3]

Typhon ◘ I can't get a new consolur.
I wasn't even allowed to pick my consolur .