This weekend, I went out to spend a few nights with my step sister while she was staying with her mother those days.
We stayed, played and had a decent enough good time.
Well, the day I came back to my happy home, I couldn't help but feel a prickly anxsious feeling invade the once loving energy that I knew was there before. However, I had yet to into my room at that moment and stayed down stairs to play with my other brothers and sisters.
Yet I could shake that sickening feeling that felt like like something was stabbing my chest, So to investigate I went up stairs to my room to see what the spirits had to say about this energy and if they were the cause..
Only to break down into tears because of what I saw shattered and scattered across my room. My alter had been destroyed and thrown all over the floor. My center peice that had once sat proudly upon the alter now layed in a what seemed like a thousand pieces on the other side of the room, while my crystals and herbs had been rolled off the alter table to cover my floor in random patterns. There is so much more damage.. But I don't truelly feel like talking about it at the moment..
I tried to touch the shards of my broken things, But it was like it hurt too much to pick them up. The energy was so much more sickening in my room and began to feel like needles in my chest. The only thing I had the will to do, was count my tarot cards to see with they were all still there. {They were bent and had apparently been used to play 52 pick up}
I left the room, leaving all the mess behind me. I couldn't look at it anymore.
My first thought was that the baby must have ran up stairs and played with it, so I forced a quick wash of loving thoughts fill my head and saw it pointless to punish a child that wasn't even 2 yet... That is.. until my Mother saw me staring at her. I was talking to my self, trying to calm myself down about the whole thing, say "It's okay Shelby, You can always rebuild it". "She doesn't know any better, Shelby, You love her". "Forgive her, it's all you can do" I figured it was the best thing to do at a situation like this.
So then my Mother suddenly with her blank face stated, "She didn't touch your alter, Shelby. Ronnie was the one that messed it up.." Then she went back to cooking. " I told him not to touch it, Shelby... He just didn't listen.."
Ronnie is my Step father and he knows what I do and doesn't agree with it, But supports my readings and other things like that... Or at least, I thought. He usually sees me reading another's hand and will say that's Devils workings, But will then turn around and ask for one his self. I remeber one time, he told me not to read tarot cards in the living room because it was evil, But the very next day he ask for a quick reading..
I don't think I heard anything after she said that, because I know I screamed in my head for the longest time. I felt myself hollow out and the mixture of absolute anger and agony ripped through my subconsciousness. It was taking everything I had to hold back what I had brewing inside myself at that moment. I wanted him to know how real magick was, I wanted him to feel how cruel I could be...
Not only had he violated my privacy and ruined my loving energy in my room, he had destroyed the one thing I had worked so hard to make perfect. It was my heart spilled out on to a white cloth and spelled in glass, stones, wood, herbs, and energy. I had prayed for everyone in my house hold to be safe at that place and asked the Gods to grant them their wishes there. I had worked so hard to give them everything they wanted with what little I had! I had preformed the my most powerful and long lasting spells at that place! I can't...I can't even begin to say how important that alter was to me...! It was everything to me!
Even now, I bite my tongue and calm down my anger from doing my worst simply because I love him and I know I would regret even smallest pain I did to him...
I've picked up the peices.. I put most of it back together... But it feels so empty to me, like he's broken something that I just can't fix with glue or simple placing... My room still has that aweful prickly feel to it and I don't like staying there for long unless I feel like trying to patch up the emptiness that doesn't seem to go away.. I want to cry.. I want to scream..
I may just be blowing this all out of proportions.. So I'm sorry if I've made anyone upset..
I guess my question is;
What can I do to fix the energy?
Did I do the right thing by not doing anything about it? Or should I have devised a plan to get him back?
{btw, I confronted him about and he lied, then told the truth, then laughed at me for crying about}
Should I just start a new alter? Or try to fix the broken one?
What can I do to fix myself?
{I'm so afraid my subconscious will do something about it... weither it be good or bad..}
Any advice?
Thank you for tolerating the post, I just needed to get it off my chest while I still could.
I apprecaite all posts,
I love you guys.
We stayed, played and had a decent enough good time.
Well, the day I came back to my happy home, I couldn't help but feel a prickly anxsious feeling invade the once loving energy that I knew was there before. However, I had yet to into my room at that moment and stayed down stairs to play with my other brothers and sisters.
Yet I could shake that sickening feeling that felt like like something was stabbing my chest, So to investigate I went up stairs to my room to see what the spirits had to say about this energy and if they were the cause..
Only to break down into tears because of what I saw shattered and scattered across my room. My alter had been destroyed and thrown all over the floor. My center peice that had once sat proudly upon the alter now layed in a what seemed like a thousand pieces on the other side of the room, while my crystals and herbs had been rolled off the alter table to cover my floor in random patterns. There is so much more damage.. But I don't truelly feel like talking about it at the moment..
I tried to touch the shards of my broken things, But it was like it hurt too much to pick them up. The energy was so much more sickening in my room and began to feel like needles in my chest. The only thing I had the will to do, was count my tarot cards to see with they were all still there. {They were bent and had apparently been used to play 52 pick up}
I left the room, leaving all the mess behind me. I couldn't look at it anymore.
My first thought was that the baby must have ran up stairs and played with it, so I forced a quick wash of loving thoughts fill my head and saw it pointless to punish a child that wasn't even 2 yet... That is.. until my Mother saw me staring at her. I was talking to my self, trying to calm myself down about the whole thing, say "It's okay Shelby, You can always rebuild it". "She doesn't know any better, Shelby, You love her". "Forgive her, it's all you can do" I figured it was the best thing to do at a situation like this.
So then my Mother suddenly with her blank face stated, "She didn't touch your alter, Shelby. Ronnie was the one that messed it up.." Then she went back to cooking. " I told him not to touch it, Shelby... He just didn't listen.."
Ronnie is my Step father and he knows what I do and doesn't agree with it, But supports my readings and other things like that... Or at least, I thought. He usually sees me reading another's hand and will say that's Devils workings, But will then turn around and ask for one his self. I remeber one time, he told me not to read tarot cards in the living room because it was evil, But the very next day he ask for a quick reading..
I don't think I heard anything after she said that, because I know I screamed in my head for the longest time. I felt myself hollow out and the mixture of absolute anger and agony ripped through my subconsciousness. It was taking everything I had to hold back what I had brewing inside myself at that moment. I wanted him to know how real magick was, I wanted him to feel how cruel I could be...
Not only had he violated my privacy and ruined my loving energy in my room, he had destroyed the one thing I had worked so hard to make perfect. It was my heart spilled out on to a white cloth and spelled in glass, stones, wood, herbs, and energy. I had prayed for everyone in my house hold to be safe at that place and asked the Gods to grant them their wishes there. I had worked so hard to give them everything they wanted with what little I had! I had preformed the my most powerful and long lasting spells at that place! I can't...I can't even begin to say how important that alter was to me...! It was everything to me!
Even now, I bite my tongue and calm down my anger from doing my worst simply because I love him and I know I would regret even smallest pain I did to him...
I've picked up the peices.. I put most of it back together... But it feels so empty to me, like he's broken something that I just can't fix with glue or simple placing... My room still has that aweful prickly feel to it and I don't like staying there for long unless I feel like trying to patch up the emptiness that doesn't seem to go away.. I want to cry.. I want to scream..
I may just be blowing this all out of proportions.. So I'm sorry if I've made anyone upset..
I guess my question is;
What can I do to fix the energy?
Did I do the right thing by not doing anything about it? Or should I have devised a plan to get him back?
{btw, I confronted him about and he lied, then told the truth, then laughed at me for crying about}
Should I just start a new alter? Or try to fix the broken one?
What can I do to fix myself?
{I'm so afraid my subconscious will do something about it... weither it be good or bad..}
Any advice?
Thank you for tolerating the post, I just needed to get it off my chest while I still could.
I apprecaite all posts,
I love you guys.