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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:46 pm
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Nantale has it easy. Kitambi has thought those words to herself on more than one occasion. It's such an unkind thing, really, that she should compare her daughter's life to her own. Her daughter doesn't need to have the same past as her to grow up to be a good queen. Not everyone in the line of the Malenga needed to have a mother whose skills are so poor that they grow up on their own. She told herself she would change that when her own cubs were born. She would love them all equally and be there more than her mother had been there for her. But Kitambi was used to her ideas being good in theory, but not so much in practice.
From the day she had taken her first steps out of the den, Kitambi had known that Nantale was not like her. She wasn't really like Mtembei either, though she was sure that there were elements of him in her. None of his cowardice – she was quite pleased about that – but more affection than she thought either of them to be capable of. She was pretty and dainty and just so... different. It's hard to express how different she is in words that Kitambi is used to using. Perhaps she is like Waseme, or how Waseme would have been if they had not been so conflicted as children. Regardless, there is something missing between them, something that makes it hard for them to connect, and she feels it. Nantale is too young to realize it, too innocent to understand her mother's thought process.
But their differences do not stop Kitambi from trying. That is why she's out on the beach that morning, watching her daughter bound in an out of the waves, chasing them. How peculiar she is.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:54 pm
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Nantale's eyes are bright as she bounds back and forth, never letting the waves touch her little white toes. She can feel her mother's eyes on her, watching her with the same stoic look she gives everyone. For a pride full of such life and creativity it's puzzling that her mother could be so somber. She never joins in with her games, not with the same enthusiasm and heart that Nantale has seen other lionesses join their cubs. Kitambi never plays, she always watches. It's somewhat frustrating to her, not to be able to get a reaction out of her mother. And she's tried, oh boy has she tried! Nantale had done some things that would have made any other lioness swat at her and tell her to bugger off. But Kitambi doesn't get angry. She just gets stern, and that's not nearly a good enough reaction.
Her brothers seem to be alright with their lives. She knows they spend time with their father, and perhaps that is enough for them. Kitambi seems to think so, though she does her part in raising them. There's something inherently frustrating about her lack of emotion that gets to Nantale, especially when they're out together like this. It's almost like Kitambi wants to join in, but just doesn't. It's very strange, Nantale has decided. Very strange indeed.
"Look!" She finally lets the surf touch her little toes when she spots a pretty shell. "Mama come look!"
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:02 pm
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She's pulled from her inner musings by her daughter's voice, and Kitambi realizes that Nantale has stopped her game. She's no longer bounding in and out of the waves, and the lioness cannot help but feel a moment of relief. If Nsundu had told her that having cubs made you worry so much – though her mother would have never, ever said such a thing – she would have never believed it. Now that she had them, however, it was a completely different story. Kitambi had discovered that she was quite possessive of those she held dear to her, and she initially had been very worried about her cubs leaving the den. Chasing down Nantale a few times had forced her to quell that fear, but she couldn't help but fret a little when her daughter was so close to open water. She might slip and drown.
'You could get to her fast enough,' a voice in her head reminded her sternly. 'But it wouldn't hurt to get a little closer.' She conceded, and made her way towards the waiting form of her daughter. Turning her head a little to peer into the water, she spotted what Nantale was pointing to.
"It's very pretty. You have an eye for nice things."
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:05 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:08 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:14 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:27 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:32 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:36 pm
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Kitambi is silent for a moment as she considered what her daughter says. Words have always been important to her, and so the meaning of each word is not lost on her, nor is the way Nantale has phrased things. She is simple, the lioness realizes, though she reconsiders her word choice no sooner than she's decided upon it. Nantale is not stupid, but she does not live in a world of words like Kitambi does. She lives in a world of feelings. Once again she is reminded of her estranged sister. Would Waseme have been like this?
There is a good chance she might have been, had she been given the opportunity. For Kitambi, it is almost as though she has been given a second chance to rebuild a relationship that she could not form with her sister. Still, there was a reason that they did not get along. Kitambi does not like to think that their differences will prevent them from ever becoming close like a real mother and daughter.
"I'd still like to hear what it reminds you of, though," she says softly, trying to sound encouraging. If Nantale can learn to use her words then perhaps that will be the first step.
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:38 pm
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Her tone is not lost on Nantale, and the cub is thankful for the encouragement. Kitambi is trying, she can see that very clearly. A part of her wants to refuse, insisting that the lioness is all talk. But she refuses to allow Kitambi's life of words to interfere with this. If she wants to help her mother see things the way she sees them then she cannot turn her away. The lioness is willing to listen now, and thus Nantale must be willing to speak. It is the only way things will work. "It reminds me of the stars at night. The way they twinkle in the sky, visible only then when the lighting is right. And here, here is a small cloud drifting by. It will obscure the stars a little, but they'll always shine through."
Kitambi sees without really seeing, Nantale realizes. She can look at a rock and only see a rock, not how the rock fits the image of the landscape and adds its own presence to everything. Whatever she feels about the world is tucked away with the rest of her feelings. Yes, that's it. Gathering her confidence, she asks, "Do you look at anything and see it not... not... as just an object."
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:43 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:45 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:46 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:48 pm
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 6:49 pm
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