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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:46 pm
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Some of you may remember me posting a bit of my novel Sanctuary of Australia (or maybe I had it under the name Child Soldier back then?) about a large group of kids holed up in a safe zone in the middle of Australia after a worldwide conflict. And they do militaristic training to survive the outside world when they leave and use their skill to protect others. Well I've abandoned it for a while because I thought the ideas I had for it were better than my writing skills. But now I feel I can do it better. So I'd like to bring up a few logical issues in the story as it stands. Maybe some of you can advise me? I'm going to spoil the whole thing right now, by the way. I don't plan on posting much of it here and the chances of it getting published are, well, not incredibly high. So odds are you won't ever read it. But if you don't want it spoiled for you, well, I guess don't read any more.
Basically, all the kids are in the sanctuary for a while before Marcus Lovell (main character) is tied up and whisked away in the night. He thinks its a training exercise until the person hoists him into a small plane and they fly off. The person reveals herself to be a woman and says they're going to America. Marcus freaks out, believing America is still hot from the nuclear war. He's eventually told there was no nuclear war, or mass conflict, or anything. And that all the kids in the Sanctuary are being trained as an elite private military force. He's told that all the aid missions they're going on to help out small groups of people throughout third world countries are actually missions of eradicating the opposing side of whomever paid the leader of the Sanctuary a vast amount of money for his little soldiers' skills.
But there's a few issues in there.
1 - How can the reader believe that the Sanctuary leaders can actually wall off these kids from all forms of media and real life and have them honestly believe that the world is generally a wasteland outside their walls?
2 - Sure, the Sanctuary's in the middle of an open desert area in Australia, but how could government agencies and travelers be kept in the dark about all of it? Especially when the kids routinely go out shooting automatic weapons in training?
3 - I had the kids in squads of three--one with a rifle, one with an AK-47, one with an AKS-74U, and one with a Dragunov, each having a Makarov as a sidearm. This kept the Russian weapon pattern, but wouldn't it make more sense to use an Uzi in place of the '74U? And some other rifle in place of the Dragunov? It's not nearly as common.
4 - Could the plane that gets Marcus from the Sanctuary smuggle him out of Australia and into America as easy as that?
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Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:09 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2009 3:56 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2009 11:48 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 12:52 am
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ArmasTermin Fresnel The hard part here is airspace. 747s flying over every day kind of breaks the illusion. THIS! See, I'd never even thought of that. The fact that planes go over pretty much everywhere all the time never even crossed my mind. See, that's why beta readers exist. I don't even know how to seal up a hole like that. Maybe the leaders have radar and call for lockdowns every time a plane comes within range. Or perhaps planes are explained away as... ... ... scream UNDERGROUND BIODOME. Or does that break the point of suspendable disbelief...? You could always lock the airspace, like they have over Area 51. Or... you could make it Area 51. Aliens? Pfah. No, supersoliders.
Also, I gotta say this, if you publish this story you'll get flamed for ripping off Dune. Dunno if you've ever read it, but [SPOILERS AHEAD] the planet Arrakis (Dune, to the natives) is entirely sand-desert, with ice at the poles and scattered outcroppings of rock. The Fremen are the closest thing the planet has to intelligent native life, and they're humans who crashed there centuries ago, before anyone else knew the planet existed. Anyhow, they've adapted to the worst possible conditions and they're tough as ********, with a culture that has a healthy respect for violence and isn't squeamish when it comes to murder. It takes five of the emperor's elite fighting force, armed with rapiers, to down a single Fremen with his knife. As the book progresses, one character takes control of the Fremen and uses them as his own private army to destroy his rivals.
As you can see, the premise of both is strikingly similar.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 3:38 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:26 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:06 am
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:49 am
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Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:50 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 3:13 am
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OberFeldwebel Fresnel ArmasTermin Okay, I had it wrong. There were four to a group, two with AK-47s, one with a Dragunov, and one with an AKS-74U. I'm wondering if it would be better to switch out an AK-user's specialty to a shotgun role. Or it might be better to just keep it less complicated, but I can't discount the merits of the shotgun in a combat situation. KS-23! ![User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show. User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.](https://graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif) Made out of defective 23mm AA barrels, it's a rifled-bore, 6-gauge riot shotgun used in Russian prisons. It... It's... It's beautiful. Wait 'til you hear the best part... they made a slug for it specifically designed to CRACK AN ENGINE BLOCK, to disable a getaway vehicle and make prison breaks harder.
Though I hear it's an epic b***h to reload.
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Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 9:24 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 10:51 am
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