Burilda flopped around the empty cave, sniffing about, trying to find her sisters... trying to find her daddy.... where were they? and mommy wasn't around either... where'd they gone? She'd woken up alone... had they all left her? Had she done something wrong? Why was everyone gone? Even Xiang, mommie's friend was gone; what was she supposed to do? She called out a small meow, sniffling and laying down on the floor, maybe if she waited long enough, and was good... one of them would come back for her.
Xiang entered the cave carrying a freshly killed hare for the girl cub. He'd killed an antelope together with Yare and after drinking of it, left it with her and the other cubs out at the border. "Ri?" He called softly, after dropping the meal to the dirt wondering if she was still sleeping or not. "It's time for little demons to be awake~" His tone gentle and playful, one he never used with anyone else.
Burilda raised her head when she heard Xiang call out the nickname he used for her when her mommy or daddy wasn't around and she let out a pathetic mew, getting up to her feet and running, and tripping over her paws, in an attempt to get to him. When she finally did she pounced on his paw and wrapped around it, closing her eyes and clinging to him. Afraid that he might leave too. "Where- where's mommy?" she asked pathetically, looking up at him with big sad eyes.
Xi lay down to groom the cub to sooth her. "She's out at the borders with your sisters.... Remember? Today is the day their father came to get them." He told her, trying to hold his emotions in, bitterness and jealousy wouldn't do such a small cub any good. "She'll be home soon. Are you hungry?"
Burilda didn't want to be groomed, instead she wanted to be comforted, she tried hiding in Xi's big mane, making herself as small as possible and pressing herself into him. She listened to his heartbeat and took some comfort in that. She stuck her head back out, trying to make her body invisible, she lay down into him, not really hungry at the moment. "Why didn't she take me too? Does my daddy not want me? Why are only my sisters going? Was I bad?"
Xi sighed gently and nuzzled the girl covering her whole body and resting carefully on her, his neck making an arch like a bridge over her. "Because they don't belong here with your mommy and I," he stopped, and smiled just the tiniest bit for her. "You're a demon like us and they're not so they can't stay. It's not a punishment little Ri, you're special, different than all your sisters. That's why you get to stay and they had to go."
Burilda shook her head, that didn't sound right. Her sisters were her family... why was she different from them? it made her angry.... "I don't want to be like you! I don't want to be like mommy! I want my sisters!" She cried, burying her head in his fur again, despite her outburst. "I don't want to be special!" She sobbed into his mane, sniffling and rubbing at her face with a small paw. "I just want to be with me sisters!" She sobbed. They were all she knew, they were her only friends. Why was she different from them? What made her special? What ever it was, she didn't want it.
"You'll break your mother's heart if she hears you say that. Do you really only care about them? Fine. Then you should leave. I can take you out to the borderland and catch up with the rest of them and you can leave. How does that sound?" His tone was firm, but not harsh, he didn't know how else to deal with these little tantrums. If Burilda really took him for his word, how would Yare act? He shuddered inside to think of it.
Burilda stared up at him, shocked and wide eyed, when he started to say that, she felt like he was saying he didn't want her either, and it broke her little heart, and she started to sob again, not wanting to be anywhere near him if he didn't want her either. Squirming her way out from underneath him and trying to run for the exit of the den; not looking where she was going and crying her little eyes out.
"Ri!" He yelled her nickname and reached for her as she scampered away, missed the first time and stood moving forward and grabbing her by the scruff. and bringing her back over to where he was laying before, putting her down and putting a paw over her. "Hey. Burilda, stop crying. Please?" He bumped his big noggin against her. "If you're going to be this unhappy. Maybe you mother can get them to visit, or take you out to visit them..."
Burilda yelped as XI got a hold of her and tried her best to wriggle free but to no avail, he was after all a grown adult lion, and she was just a small teensy little cub. She was still crying though, and biting at her lip to try and be quiet. She looked away from him and tried to avoid the head bump, which again was hard to do since he was so massive compared to her. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM!" She shouted pushing his face away with her paws. "THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE ME!!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM!" She screamed at the top of her little lungs, curling in on herself and burying her body into Xi's mane again.
Xi felt like burying his whole head in the earth and understood why some species ate their young. He moved his head away from her when she pushed and shouted at him, but let her hide in his mane none the less. "Well which is it Buri, you do or you don't? I don't know what the other girls want and frankly I don't care. I'm here, you're here, soon your mother will return. That's who I care about, you and your mother. My pride and my girls."
Burilda looked up at Xi, with a runny noise, and still tear filled eyes, you could see the streaks of tears in her fur and she started to paw at her face sadly. "Why do I have to be different?" She asked sadly, laying her head against Xi's paw, curling into his leg, still hiding his mane.
Xi licked her face, even when she was tiny she didn't like to be groomed but he still found himself doing it. "It isn't that you have to be, you just are. Lions like your mother, like me, like you. We're special because we are demons. That makes us stronger and better than other creatures. It probably doesn't mean anything to you now, but as you grow you'll come to understand it better."
Burilda didn't have any fight left in her when he started to groom her and she just let him, closing her eyes that had already become slightly puffy from crying and sniffled. She didn't want to be different, she didn't want to be separated from her siblings... what if they forgot about her? What if her daddy forgot about her? She started to cry again, but it wasn't giant sobs like she'd been doing before it was just sniffling and tears now. "I don't want to be better Xi..." She said sadly. "I just want to be like my other sisters...." She looked up at him sadly and rubbed against his leg. "When's mommy getting back?"
"Soon," 'I hope,' he added silently. He knew that Yare would probably be a wreck when she got back and he didn't want to have two depressed lionesses on his paws, even if Buri was just a little cubling. "Your sisters are making you sad, they're making mommy sad, do you want to make her sad too?"
Burilda looked up at Xi sadly and pawed at his face; she didn't want her mommy to be more sad. were her sisters to blame for this then? Should she be mad at her sisters? Was it there fault that they weren't here still? She didn't think it was, but there was something nagging at her, whispering to her, telling her it was there fault, they didn't want her, they didn't like her~ They thought she wasn't good enough. They didn't love their mommy, they only loved their daddy. He'd abandoned here too~ Burilda cried out, covering her head. "NO!" She screamed in a high pitched voice. "SHUT UP!" and the voice faded away into nothing.
Xi let out a low growl, "Buri," and gathered her to his chest, holding her and shushing her, figuring that was the wrong thing to say. He didn't know what to say, or what to do and he was beginning to wish that Yare'd hurry home. He wanted to be a good father to this litter, and then it became just this one cub, but he just didn't know what to say or do to make things right, she didn't even think of him as important...
Xi glance over at the dead hare, but softly sighed and didn't bring it up to the kitten, if she was hungry, she'd let him know, so instead he just held her for the moment.
"It's mean to me...." Burilda whispered into Xi's fur... She wondered where that voice had come from? It didn't sound like her... it didn't sound like her mommy.... didn't sound like anyone she knew but it was voice nonetheless. "Will you stop wanting me to Xi?" she asked sadly, sniffling and taking in a breath, not wanting to cry anymore but not seeing a way not to. She just wanted her mommy to come and tell her she loved her more than the others, that was why she'd kept her apart from her other sisters. That she was going to love her most, and never ever abandon her.
"Hmm?" He'd missed what she'd said at first but then he answered her, and spoke more kindly than he knew he could, "Ri, that's not possible, it's just not. Same goes for your mother. We wanted you, we wanted you so badly, and we're so happy that you were born to us. It's not a matter of not wanting you. We will always want you, silly girl~ Is that why you're so upset?"
She didn't respond, she didn't want to, didn't even know is she could, she just stared down at the ground, and scooched her body a bit closer to Xi's than it had been, hiding in his mane once more. there weren't any voices in her head any more... had it abandoned her too? She hoped it had, she didn't like it, it was mean to her... She nuzzled into Xi, still sad, still with an abandoned feeling. She wondered if he understood what she felt like. He was wanted, her mommy wanted him... a lot, she always took him off into secret places with her to do grown up things... "Does my mommy want my other sisters?"
Xi hoped she felt comforted so he said what he thought she wanted to hear. "We did want them too, but not as much as you, Ri, that's why we're keeping you, that's why you're special to us. When you grow up, you'll be so strong and we'll be so proud of you, and we'll get to see everything you do with your life. We'll love you the most." He started to groom her again, thinking she was silly and cute, as she tried to get lost in his mane.
