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I don't mind sharing.


I used to be a very very religious person. But 3 years ago my favorite cousin, who's basically so close to me she's like my sister, ended up getting cancer. I was very upset with the news that i gave up believing in Allah. I hated that even though i was following everything allah asked, a person so dear to me had to end up with such a disease.
After that, i kind of stopped praying a bit. I would only pray magrib (evening prayer) and mostly skip all the rest. And even when i did pray my evening prayer, my heart wasnt into it at all. It felt all fake. Right now, my cousin is better and after going through chemo the cancer is gone alhamdulillah. The last few months, i've forced myself mentally to get back into the habit of praying 5 times a day. I pray, yes, but i still have a hard time believing my prayers for the people i care about will come true. I still believe in allah, but it's hard to believe that he will listen to my prayers if i follow everything and become really religious again.

Second Part. LOl! Yes, theres a second part. xD
During those 3 years i gave up on Allah. I started flirting with a lot of guys. I ended up going out with this guy who was 4 years older, american, and a christian. I know some people out there must have strict parents like mine who say "marry a muslim or you're getting kicked out." or "marry someone our culture. end of story." I value my parents a lot. But i went out with this guy behind their back anyways. ninja <<<(jk on the smiley. Lol ) I felt bad, but i still fell head over heels for the guy. =/ He was really understanding and kind of religious himself. We had a lot of religious talks and he understood me in everyway. I really wanted to spend my life with him. But i couldn't. I was basically torn between a love and a my family/religion. I don't know what the right choice was, but i chose my family. I broke up with him but we still talk a lot. He says he still loves me a lot. And he's changed a lot for me too while we were going out. I feel horrible that he's doing so much for me, and all i can do is reject it. cry And my parents aren't at all understanding about this. We still talk and see eachother enough to be going out. My question is...should i stop all contact with him? I deffinately don't want to but...i dont know what to do. confused I don't want him to be hung over me and expect a future when i can't really give him that. =/ *sigh*

can i get some opinions?...if u had patience enough to read all that xD

When I Was Born My Dad Was Off In Pakistan Marrying Another Lady Who Is Now Today My Step Mom
My Parents Got Angry At Each Other & My Dad Left And Never Came Back (i Was Around 6]
Within Those Six Years I Had To Watch My Dad Love Another Kid (Who Is My Step Brother] More Than He Loved Me
Today Im 12 (Today Is My birthday :]] & I Still Cant Stand My Dad Always Loving My Step Brother More Then His First Children & The Worst Part Is He Wants Me To Move In With Him. I still kinda hate my dad for leaving me like that, i never recived any phone calls or letters or nothing from him for 5 years; & then he pops up in the picture when my brother died.


Okayy So Now My brother died on march 6th 2007 around 4:00 pm
it was the day before my birthday . my mom was in pakistan & my dad found out & he went to follow her and see what she was doing there, basically why did she go.(she went for the first time in 18 years back to see her mother & father]
but anyway , my brother (he was 17, two months away from 18] was driving when my dad called him and told my brother what he was doing where he was etc. my brother got scared & thought police were going to come to our house (because we were all under 18] so he was speeding, a big 24 wheel truck came out and boom. big accident
took 4 hours to get my brother out the car because it was so bad.
police lied and told me that my brother was fine, but when i asked to call him, the police didnt let me, i was young & didnt think about him dying; then my other brother (who is now 18]came home & they told him everything ; he came upstairs crying, my aunt was already outside crying. & it all happened he died it killed me that i talked to him 5 minutes before the accident & i didnt say bye brother i love you. i never did i have hated myself for years because i never said it; & it was too late when i tried too.

woah thats longg; i thank you if you read it ]

Thank You

Well I Mean Yeah I Wanna Live With My Dad & Then Again I Cant Live Without My Mom In My Life So Its Hard D:

Ohh I See ; Well Tell Him That You Dont Want Him To Convert Just For You. (I Mean That Is Nice Of Him] But Tell Him, Theses Other Ways;

eat chu up, i gotta talk to u about this. privately i think?

i just don't feel bothered because of time.

and u Zee girl there.

Don't worry, people come, people go. And he'll go to paradise, right? wink

but ur parents are ur farz, not ur love teddy bears. They give ur food, and house. and that's all u need.

im on that struggle right now... and i hope i can surpass it...
i pray to Allah s.w.t. for strength and guidance...

it's good u asked... so that i could spill out all my problems... hehe

school is ripping my head off me... i swear... it gets harder and harder as days go by... whatever i do, my grades keep on flunking... i dont knw why... i never leave my study table behind, i tell yah... but still, it's not enough...

have u ever experienced something like you've been sitting on your butt while studying for 12 hours till your butt gets numb... and then you'll just end up having a failing score in your quiz???? it's really frustrating, andrew... i think im gonna be crazy....

i know what you mean and i have been through it as well. I studied like crazy for the standardized assessment. I studied for months and weeks on end during summer. My parents drove me nuts with all the studying. But in the end when i took the test and got the results back...it was kinda low =/
something i did not expect.
But the thing is, i learned to take a break and get away from it all for a while. like a week or so. and then slowly get back to studying, and it helps. Also, it was because of the pressure that i flunked actually. lol! i didnt notice it but it was cuz there was so many other things in my head during the test that i didnt even understand what i was doing. xD

But yeah, when you study, try to take a 5 minute break and take deep breaths. clear your head for a bit. Walk around outside or something and then go back to studying. =)
Thats all i can give you ^^;

LOl!
i understand you completely. XD
studying sucks =(
and i can't focus on it for my life.. crying
i lose track and my mind wanders off~