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 Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:29 am
How could he?!! That b*****d!! He promised her!! Kwea promised Kifa that she could be the first to have his cubs. That was all that was left to her! She couldn't even dream of being a beybanu. What was there left for her. She was just there, she was no one. Kifa had refused to sleep near any of them that night and Kwea was either giving her space or really just didn't care about her at the moment. She twitched in the dark corner she had chosen her heart aching and her head throbbing. Kifa refused to cry, she refused to yell, there was no point. It made no difference, but it was all building up and making her want to throw up. Something felt weird through out her whole body she suddenly felt drained. She opened her eyes and something felt off about them. Normally there was a dance of different shades on her cheeks at night but there was nothing. Her just went to different shades of gray even though she could not tell this herself. Kifa felt calmer now though as though she was able to suppress all her emotions. But it felt so stuffy in the den right now and without even thinking she stood and walked just outside of the den. And she just stood there staring blankly at the moon. She wondered if her sister could see this moon, no she knew she could. Of all the people in her past pride she missed her sister the most. She wished she could talk to her, but even Amani or dare she say it Nywele would comfort her some how to talk to them. Could she go to them at this time of night? She knew both Amani and Nywele were occasionally night walkers. Kifa...would just stop by and see if they were awake. She turned her head towards the den. Kwea wont notice he was fat and happy between his favorites after all. So it was decided it took her awhile but finally she took the first steps to head towards Amani and Nywele's den.
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Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 11:30 am
Perhaps it was the fact that she wasn't looking, perhaps her own depression made her blind but Kwea wasn't actually sleeping between the other two females of his den. In fact he was outsize looking up at the stars. He liked to look at the stars, though he had never told anyone that fact.
His ears twitched as he heard paws coming out of the den and he turned and lay his bloody red eyed gaze on the pretty female. She was his first banu and how he adored her. He was fairly sure he had informed her of this recently. She had been so moody of late and it upset him, he knew why of course. Why was it his fault that Thuraya had fallen pregnant before Kifa? Clearly he was fertile enough Thuraya was starting to show the tell tale signs of pregnancy and he was very pleased. His first children would arrive soon.
"Come and sit with me Kifa." He whispers turning his gaze back to the stars, he was going to ask her why she was out, where she was going, he would normally have shouted at her and told her to get her shiny green a** back in the den, but he knew she was upset and he actually cared that she was upset. "I'm looking at the stars, I like to look at the stars." He confessed, a smile on his maw as his eyes stretched the great endless starry mass.
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Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 5:58 pm
Kifaranga stopped and turned towards Kwea. There was no surprise, no worry, nor was there any other emotion in her eyes for that matter. She walked towards him and simply sat down beside him. Her head lifted back to the moon as she curled her tail around herself. "I like the moon myself." Kifa replied almost in a monotone fashion. Deep down she knew he loved her and she loved him, but it was hard to believe. Besides that she feared that she was infertile, but she would never admit a fault of her own. Her mind made excuses for her. He should have waited for her to get pregnant or something her mind said. She glanced at him with her stale gray eyes. Before flattening her ears and looking to the moon again. What was there for her to look forwards too? She could never be anything more then she is now especially since she might not have the ability to have cubs. This pride was no fair to a female with ambitions. Though she had been low in the pride she was working towards becoming someone, but here there was nothing for her. "What am I?" Kifa mumbled almost incoherently. She didn't even realize she had said it at all.
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Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 9:03 pm
Kwea looked down at the beautiful female, she looked sad, dejected, broken even. His heart went out to her truthfully, but if he started to show a soft front to her, well she would start taking all sorts of liberties wouldn't she? Kifa was volatile, she always had been! So why did he just want to hug her? he was going soft.
"I'm not sure what you mean Kifa, you are my banu, my beloved song bird." He frowns and moves closer to her grooming the top of her head and her ears. "Why are you sad? We can try again, one day you'll make beautiful little love birds for me." He states, smiling a little, he did want to see Kifa all pretty and pregnant and glowing as the others had, okay, it hadn't worked the first few times, but he was sure it would, clearly he was fertile, wasn't Thuraya pregnant?
"Why don't we go for a little moonlight walk, just you ad me hmm? You can sing me a song."
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Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:34 pm
"I guess." Kifa replied still staring at the moon. Her whole body just jolts as Kwea touches her. It was as if she hadn't been paying attention to where he was. "What ever you want Kwea." Kifa leaned on him still feeling drained. She wanted to ask him how he was so sure she could give him cubs? Kifa had seen it before when normal lions couldn't give birth. Perhaps that was what was really bothering her.
"Of course Kwea, what ever you wish." Kifa didn't even seem to react with excitement towards some alone time with him. She appreciated it, but something just forbid her from being happy. "...Egemon is a good cub. Maybe you should teach him about gods and goddess though....or I can if you so wish." Kifa had spent some time with different gods and goddess over the years and her pride knew a decent amount about them. She was bringing up random chit chat she wanted to avoid singing she had a bad feeling about it for some reason.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:48 am
Usually she would have been happy for some alone time, and this was a walk under the stars, something Kwea felt was very romantic in itself. He wasn't always so romantic to everyone, but Kifa sort of expected it of him and he obliged to keep her happy.
"Yes, they are all good cubs." He reserved the thought that he wasn't too pleased with one of the females, but the boys, well they were good lads, strong, brave, fearless, he would soon have to give them their lessons, important life lessons that would shape them as Pads in the future. "The gods, hm, something I never thought of teaching the boys, you should do that, I'm sure you could sing them some pretty verses about the gods." He smiles though his mind was wandering on what exactly was making Kifa upset.
"Don't you want to bear my children any more Kifa?" He stops, mid step looking down at the beautiful green femme, he was concerned, he loved Kifa, she was important to him, she made him a true pad. Why was so so upset? They would try again, she would bear his cubs. "Why don't we go to our meadow hmm? You know I didn't take Thuraya there, it's our place." He wanted her to know she was special, he wanted to see that colourful flash in her eyes again.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:54 am
"I've not had a chance to spend time with the others yet. I'd like to though, I think." Kifa said staying close to Kwea as they walked. Her pelt brushed against his she was starting to realize that it was on her not Kwea. Though she wished maybe he would have waited to give her a chance to have cubs. She wasn't mad at him anymore, but she was confused and fearful of how he might react if she wasn't able to give him cubs.
"Alright I will and maybe I might know a song or two...."
Kifaranga stopped and stepped a bit away from him. She actually looked frightened and wasn't sure what to say. "Yes, yes I do Kwea. She shook her head trying to suppress herself again. Kifa then smiled a bit even though it seemed hard for her. It really did make her happy that he hadn't taken Thuraya there. "I think I would like that Kwea." She hesitated at first but then she stepped close to him again cuddling up against his side. She wanted to try and let him know it wasn't him. Everything had just been to much to handle and she had a new fear now. One she wasn't willing to tell him. They needed to try again right? It was to soon to call it now, right. And yet she still couldn't get over it all. Even though she wished she could just enjoy this attention from her love.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 7:17 am
Kwea smiles a calm smile, he was glad she was willing to at least try with the cubs. They were young, they didn't deserve her animosity. "I am sure you will teach them well My Kifa, your voice is so beautiful, how can they not listen." He purrs quietly and licks her cheek, followed by an affectionate nuzzle.
"I'm glad, I know you are upset about Thuraya falling pregnant before you Kifa." He pauses for a moment and presses himself against her, his nose at her ear "But as she is my Banu I have rights with her, just as I do with you and she simply had better luck our first time than you did." He smiles softly, he actually hoped he was wording this right for her, he was being nice, avoiding the statement that kept flashing in his head, it clearly wasn't his fault that she hadn't fallen pregnant, hadn't Thuraya gotten pregnant on their first encounter?
"Amaras cubs are older now so we can try again, and with three mothers in the den you won't be over burdened." He smiles a self satisfied, cocky smile nuzzling her cheek. "You'll be glowing and radiant before you know it. You must try and be a little, happier though. It, upsets me, to see you so down." He snorts, the phrase upsets as a little mild really, he was all out annoyed that she couldn't just accept that she hadn't gotten pregnant. He was in a good enough mood to sugar coat it for her though and perhaps a visit to their meadow would put her in the mood for another try.
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:16 am
"I hope so...I like teaching....Little banu Vashti is ...getting better at singing...." Kifa said with a few pauses, Vashti was getting better, but she doubted Vashti would become the singer she hoped to be. She didn't seem to have the ear one needs for it, but who knows she is still young.
"I am, ...but that is not all...and Im sorry I can't seem to be happy for you. I support my sister Thuraya though, I am happy she is pregnant and wish to tend to her every need." Kifa wanted to stress that she accepted Thuraya and loved her like a family member. Kifa was ok until he spoke again. Her fur bristled but she controlled herself. It would have been best for him not to have said that at all. "Whatever." Kifa grumbled trying to keep her mouth shut but some words managed to slip out anyways.
Kifa also had a natural response to Amara's name when she wasn't around. She let out a low threatening growl. The two of them would have come to physical blows long ago if it wasn't for their shared love of Kwea and the fear of what punishment there might be for the two of them fighting. Her growl stopped as he mentioned her being pregnant in no time. Her heart raced worrying that something was wrong with her. "I'm sorry to upset you Kwea, it seems to be my life's goal, but I don't mean it to be. She took a few steps away from him and looked at the moon again. "I still have problems in this pride. Its hard for me to forget where Im from. To forget my teachings and my family. Do I really have to forget them all, Kwea? Amara said I do...but I just can't. Oh Kwea I still miss my other family. I love you and Thuraya and the cubs...but I love my blood family to is it wrong for me to miss them or the way my life was going to be?" For once she just hoped Kwea would let her speak. Maybe if she told him almost everything on her mind he would understand her better. "I had dreams Kwea. Here I am your banu which I have come to love my role. But in my old pride there were many things for a female to be. In this pride its only banu or beybanu and I never had a chance for the other role I know this. I was working towards being someone important when you brought me here Kwea and now...I don't know who I am. I feel like I'm stuck being the same and doing the same for the rest of my life now. I'm scared cause I can't see my future like I could at my old home. Most of all I miss my blood sister Kwea. The day you found me was one of the very rare days we weren't together. And its weird, but sometimes I think I can feel when she is happy or sad, but the connection is weakening and this is scaring me even more. Perhaps I am slowly forgetting my past but its still there telling me that everything is wrong. I have so many things just tearing me apart Kwea and it seems to come out and hurt you to. Im sorry Kwea I am I don't want to end up a being given away or something, I know Im a lot of trouble." Kifa began to sniffle as fears that she hadn't even admitted surfaced. She shook her head to try and stop but she couldn't suppress the tears. "Every time I think I'm there finally a proper banu for you something else happens. Its like I'm cursed. I'll never be who you want me to be, and Im sorry for that I just dont know how to. But I promise you with all my heart, Im trying hard." Kifa turned to face Kwea and through her tears and colorless eyes she tried to assure him she was telling the truth she really was trying, but it didn't seem to work.
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Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 9:53 am
As she stops, the pale male stops beside her, he sits slowly and pulls the soft green female towards him holding her to his chest. His mind worked on what exactly he should say to her. It was difficult, very difficult to say things to Kifa without upsetting her. He knew she hated Amara, but he also knew that she loved him so she coped.
"I understand Kifa and you must know I adore and love you. If I could find your sister I would bring her here but there is much I need to do here now. With Thuraya so pregnant and the other youngsters getting older. It's time for me to start teaching the boys the ways of being a pad and I do not want to miss the birth of my first cubs." He purses his lips.
"Perhaps when you have some cubs of your own you will feel better." he smiles a little and tilts her head looking in to her shadowy eyes. "Please be happy, you don't know how important you are to me, I do not have words to describe how, how upset I am that you aren't happy." he sighs lightly grooming her ears gently. "Perhaps you need to take a class with the girls too, teach them all to sing, their pads will like that I am sure." He smiles, trying to find something thats he might enjoy and take her mind off the lack of cubs and her sister, apparently. He wondered why she had never told him of her sister before.
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 11:20 pm
The green lioness leaned into Kwea like she never had before, like she was just trying to vanish from the world. Hidden in his mane and feeling protected by his strength she was really starting to trust Kwea with all her heart and was trying to make herself feel better for his sake.
"I think I do, but I worry that my actions and words might make you hate me sometimes. I feel so jealous when you touch someone else, but I know and now accept that its your right....I should just be happy that you're happy, but I feel broken, Kwea and I think its nothing you a male can understand. Its something the irrational female's mind thinks up." Because he was treating her so nicely tonight she was trying to do the same.
At his next statement she seems to try to die in his embrace more. She hoping to hide from any further discussion on that subject matter. "I'm trying Kwea I am but I can't seem to shake this. I will try harder." Kifa said with a nod. "Oh I planned to already my pad all your children will sing unless they just don't want to.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:56 pm
Kwea sighs lightly. He didn't know what to say to make Kifa feel better to make her feel that she wasn't, well, a burden i this situation, she wasn't pregnant, she hunted sure but she was more surley than ever.
"Sing me a song Kifa my love and I'll hold you all this night long if it will make you feel better." He whispers nuzzling the top of her head and grooming her ears. He loved Kifa, just as he loved the others, but Kifa was still something special to him. She was his first Banu, she was his first catch, his first love.
"I'll make the sadness fly away."
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Posted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 7:56 am
"A-alright." Kifa said not sounding to sure about singing. She closed her eyes trying to think of something to sing about. Her tail flicked as she worried over singing. She had never really sung in such a mood as this.
"I've been making one for you.....I'll try it my pad, but I really don't have a good feeling about it." Kifa said to him honestly the more upset she was the harder it was for her to sing.
"I..." Her voice cracked a little and she stopped taking a deep breath. "I see you........I..see you.....Walking..." Kifa stopped and shook her head it wasn't sounding right at all her voice was was unsteady and full of mixed emotions. "Walking through a dream... Kwea I can't....I'm ruining it..." She started to sniffle she wanted to sing for him. She did but she was to frightened right now. "I want that song to be special...do you want me to try something else?" Kifaranga did not want him to think she was being rebellious.
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Posted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:33 am
Kwea smiles softly, listening to the few forced words. She was upset and no amount of crooning or ordering would get her to chirp it seemed. He didn't mind really, she was so sad he just wanted to hold her and groom her and just make her feel better.
"Come on, lets go to our place, we'll spend the night together and return to the den tomorrow morning." he licks the tip of her nose gazing in to her eyes. "You can sing to me when you feel better, when you are heavy with cubs and enjoying the world again I know you will sing me your pretty song." He stands then pulling her with him, holding her by pressing his shoulder against hers.
"You must try to be happier though, I miss your beautiful smile and wonderful voice."
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Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:26 am
"I'm sorry." Kifa hung her head she wanted to sing for him. She wrote that song for him didn't she? Kifa would have to do something to prove this had nothing to do with him, but what could she do? Perhaps she could make him something he crafting skills weren't great at all but it would be the thought right?
"That sounds like a wonderful gift to me Kwea, Thank you so much for dealing with my selfishness." Kifaranga felt like she was being a burden to him right now. Couldn't she be happy for him and the cubs on the way that her sister was going to bear. Yes, Thuraya was her sister, not quite the same as her twin but a sister to her non the less. And so what if Amara was his beybanu she didn't have her own meadow, right? She tried her best to cheer herself of but it didn't seem to be enough to beat away her fear.
"I am trying my pad and for you I will try even harder. I want to smile, sing, and be happy for you, but I can't seem to just yet. Maybe....maybe when I see Thuraya's cubs I will be happy for you and my sister, Kwea." Kifa moved with him and tried to smile up at the male she loved so deeply the smile didn't seem forced but it wasn't her true smile either.
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