I've Got a Really Bad Feeling. (Advice?)

[Zizzykitty]

My best friend, the one that I've basically spent the entire summer with, texted me last night and asked me if I could cover for him if his mom called me looking for him.
Of course I wanted to know what he was doing that I wasn't in on so I asked what was going on and he said "If all goes well then I'll let you know tomorrow"
Now this gave me a sinking feeling not only because I wasn't going to find out what he was doing but also because that was also what my ex-boyfriend used to tell me right before everything went to s**t.
In almost those exact words so I started to really worry since his mom typically doesn't care what he's doing and I couldn't think of anything that he would be doing that I couldn't know.
I thought one of 3 things was happening:
1. He was getting laid
2. He was doing something illegal
3. He was getting shitfaced.

After a continued bad feeling into this morning I finally went and visited him.
I just got back and found out that he went on a "date" of sorts with one of my other friends.
One of my guy friends.
By no means am I homophobic.
But even after finding out what he really was doing I still have this really bad feeling.
In the 7 years I've known him he's only had one girlfriend, but many girls in love with him.
Me being one of them, but that was 4 years ago in middle school.
Everyone has thought he was gay at one point, I just thought he was picky about girls.
He says this is the only guy he's ever felt attracted to.

I can't decide if I'm jealous since he's got someone now so maybe I'm feeling like I'm left out in the cold.
(Like we've spent the whole summer together, basically every day that we've both been in town since we've been out of town a lot)
Maybe it's residual feelings from that crush in 8th grade I had on him.
Maybe I'm just nervous since tonight I'm going to start sleeping at a dorm and I have a bad feeling about that instead.

I kind of just need to get that off my chest and maybe ask for some advice?
I've been feeling really anxious today and I feel bad about being so nervous since he trusted me enough to tell me, to confide in me, I'm the only one who knows.
I really want to be happy for him but I just feel so anxious right now.

So this isn't all about me,
How do you feel when your good friends get a significant other?
Do you hate it when friends that are couples try to tell you that you need a boy/girlfriend?  

[Water Faerie Naomi]

Why do you just straight out ask him if he is gay?  

[Zizzykitty]

It's not gay that's the issue.
I asked him if him and my other friend were going out now and he said yeah basically so that question has been answered.

I just have a really bad feeling about the whole situation in general.  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

I'm happy when my friends get into relationships. I mean, what could be better than them finding someone they really like.

With that being sad, when I like someone who's a close friend, and she ends up getting in a romantic relationship with someone else... I don't feel as good. So, maybe you still have a little bit of those feelings left for him. Maybe. But you are starting in a new dorm, too, so it could be that.

It might even be something completely different. Maybe you're worried about your friend because he's gay? Is there someone in his close family/friends who is homophobic and maybe that's why you're worried? Maybe he tends to be a wild partyboy or something and he might do something crazy? It could just be a whole mix of different things.

And your last question: my ex-crush keeps telling me I need to find a woman. XD
He's *FtM, btw* never been in a relationship, but he still wants to help me find someone. My folks don't care if I ever date, but my friends/close aquaintences? They wanna see me dating. sweatdrop  

[Moonlight_HuangHou]

By bad feeling do you mean that...his mom or parents might get mad or hate him for it? So you're worried? sad

How do you feel when your good friends get a significant other?
Nothing at all to be honest. ^_^ I just hope that they're a good person to him/her. *Typically her. I have girlfriends more than guy-friends.

Do you hate it when friends that are couples try to tell you that you need a boy/girlfriend?
Um...I don't know if I hate it but it can be annoying at times. ^^"
Rather than friends....I'm hearing it from mainly older people around me.  

[Zizzykitty]

Thanks guys.
I feel a lot better now after going to see him again.
We just hung out like we normally do and it wasn't weird.
Earlier when I saw him it was really awkward so maybe that was part of what freaked me out.

I told him he couldn't go all couple-y on me and he said he wouldn't.

Black:
I'm really glad for him but the situation happens to me a lot it seems where a good friend of mine gets into a relationship and I get left out in the cold.
Or when they try to include me they just focus on each other and I might as well not be there.

I'm kind of concerned how his dad will react since his dad is a real "man's man"
Surfer dude and quite a pimp in his day.
One of our mutual friends has had this weird on and off crush on him for years so we're kind of wondering how to tell her, and when he does tell her she'll tease him because we've all questioned his sexuality at some point.
He is the complete opposite of party boy though. xD
He's the guy that sits in the corner and watches everyone then when someone tries to talk to him he says something awkward then spends the rest of the party wondering if he screwed up.

People gave up on telling me I needed to date.
For a while some were quite insistent though.

Moonlight:
Maybe, I dunno.
That's kind of funny older people are telling you to date.
It's always been my friends.  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

I'm glad you're feeling better.
And yeah, it's weird when you're really close to someone then all of a sudden, they have a date. But they invite you to join them and they're just all up on each other and you're just wondering if you should go ahead and leave and whatnot. But normally that whole lovey-dovey stuff wears off after a while and they aren't as obsessed with each other.

I know there was a study on people who had just fallen in love. And at the start they had the same biochemical levels as people with OCD. But after the first year, these levels decrease and they don't get so caught up in each other all the time. And now I'm done with my whole nerdy moment.

Hmm... I have a friend in a similar situation. But his mother was the crazy one. And I do mean crazy. ^^"
But, then again, his dad might be perfectly ok with it. There's no telling really.
But, yeah, we did kinda tease him after he came out, too, cause he was soo obsessed with telling everyone he was straight in school and he had... 10 girlfriends throughout those years. None of us were willing to believe it. But he's a super party boy who likes to drink, smoke pot, and get piercings, body modifications now. And he's a witch. We still love him though.

I'm the same way as your friend at parties. I feel very awkward in large groups, especially if I don't know a bunch of them.  

[Zizzykitty]

Thanks. :>
That's a cool fact about the OCD levels of chemicals though.
Makes sense.
If it makes you feel better in a couple months I'll have a random moment and spout out that tidbit of info so I'll get those "nerdy" looks.
(But I never remember where I get my random bits of info so sorry if I forget you told me. .__. )

That's kind of scary when parents are so controlling.
A friend of mine had this secret gay affair with another friend, and for some reason I was privy to that info as well long before anyone else knew.
(Maybe I'm the one to confess secret gay relationships to)
But his parents are mega-Mormon scary, and eventually found out, so they won't let his brother join artsy stuff because they think it'll make him gay too.
(My friend is happily dating/tentatively engaged to a girl now though.)
There really is no telling though.
I've yet to tease my friend but the perfect moments keep coming up, I'm holding off until it's sunken in a bit since it's only been two days.

That's how I feel.
Why I've not made friends at college yet. xD;  

[Dornkus]

Zizzykitty

My best friend, the one that I've basically spent the entire summer with, texted me last night and asked me if I could cover for him if his mom called me looking for him.

A friend of mine texted me with "You are my alibi." once. Turns out he spent the night at a girl's house (nothing happened because there was no protection. They waited a few hours for that). This girl has gone out with two of my other friends, and they were friends for a while. Anyway, he told his mom that he had spent the night at my house. Fortunately, she didn't ask me about it.

I later told him to never involve me in his lies. I don't lie.

Zizzykitty

Maybe it's residual feelings from that crush in 8th grade I had on him.

This reminds me of a line from Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends: "You never fall all the way out of love."

I hate that show so much.

-----------------------------
Unfortunately, I have no advice to give. Sorry. I really wish I had some.

How do you feel when your good friends get a significant other?
Annoyed. All it really does is make it so I never see them and they're in a bad relationship, so I have to deal with some of the backlash.

I mean it. My friends suck at choosing significant others.

Do you hate it when friends that are couples try to tell you that you need a boy/girlfriend?
Kind of. I have only one friend who says that. I haven't tried getting a girlfriend in over two years. It was the first time I tried, and I failed. My already low self-esteem lowered, and I haven't been in a hurry to risk anything like that again.

A couple of weeks ago, this same friend picked me up from work. I was talking to a female co-worker. This conversation happened soon after:

Friend: So, who was that girl you were talking to?
Me: What, my co-worker? That was [name withheld].
Friend: Is she single?
Me: I don't know.
Friend: How old is she?
Me: I don't know.
Friend: You should ask her out!
Me: Why?
Friend: It would make me happy!

That right there is a somewhat selfish reason.

He also told my other friends I was "macking on her." His logic behind that was I never talk to girls. Which is true, but it's still poor logic. Either way, my other friends had no response to that.

So basically, the reasoning is it would make him happy and she's a girl.  

[Black_Angel_Flowne]

Dornkus

How do you feel when your good friends get a significant other?
Annoyed. All it really does is make it so I never see them and they're in a bad relationship, so I have to deal with some of the backlash.

I mean it. My friends suck at choosing significant others.

I know a girl like that. And it gets worse over time. Her new man she's split and gotten back with... at least twice... was her ex-husband's ex-best friend. And she was married for... three months. *facepalm*

lol, I forget all the time. Seriously. I'll go get something to eat and forget why I'm in the kitchen sometimes! rofl

I think you're the one everyone trusts and tells their problems/secrets to. Not just everyone who's gay or had a gay relationship.

Other random info dealing with gays:
*grabs her psychology book to check*
The Janus Report in 1993 talked to 3,000 people, and out of those 3,000 people 22 percent of men and 17 percent of women reported having a gay experience. The Kinsey report from much earlier *1948* had that over twice that amount for men *48 percent* had gay experience. It doesn't say specifically if it was intimate or just maybe dating/kissing, though. In my book at least.
*goes to wikipedia*
Yeah, it's about the same there, too. A little more detailed, of course.
I'll provide a link.
It doesn't have anything really grotesque/perverse, but as a precaution: DON'T LET YOUR LITTLE SISTERS/BROTHERS/COUSINS/ECT. READ IT. sweatdrop  

[Zizzykitty]

You're a better person than I, Dornkus.
I was fine with covering for him, I wasn't concerned about lying.
I lie more than I'd like to admit.
I was more worried about what he was doing and if he was doing something potentially dangerous.

I never watched Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends and it sounds terrible.
Should I feel lucky that I didn't ever see it?

It's cool that you don't have advice too.
I was really just freaked out, still not entirely sure why.

As for my friend's picking significant other, it's a split thing.
Some are really bad at picking them, some are decent.
None of them are really good at it.
But it sucks when you're the one that has to deal with the backlash.
(I totally understand, trust me.)

That's an odd reason for you to ask someone out too.
Because it would make your friend happy?
I fail to see the logic but okay.
Maybe he's trying to be nice in a roundabout way.
"If he's happy then I can be happy!"
(I'm really trying to understand this logic)




Your friend sounds especially bad at picking men, Black.
That's just terrible.

I do that too. xD
It's pretty bad.

That makes more sense I guess.
I tend to be the one to confide in.
I was teasing my friend earlier since he went out of town yesterday and he said he wants to come home
I asked if he missed his boyfriend and he said he ought to come back just to punch me.
So I promised if I ever have a secret gay relationship he'd be the first to know so he can give me s**t for it.
(Related in a weird way, secret gay trysts go!)

That's kind of cool.
I'll have to keep that to read more in detail later.
The only random gay info I have is that women are more likely to be bisexual or change sexuality than men.
I may be completely wrong since it was a while ago I heard this but while straight men are usually turned off by boyxboy porn, women still get reactions to girlxgirl porn.
Women are more like "Hey! Sex!", while men are more gender biased I suppose you could call it.
Also, I'm reading an article now on it that's quite interesting because I was trying to find the original study I heard the porn thing from.
(As I said before, I forget where I pick up these things so it makes it hard to back them up, lol.)  

[Dornkus]

Zizzykitty

I never watched Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends and it sounds terrible.
Should I feel lucky that I didn't ever see it?

I'll let you be the judge of that.



(YES.)

Zizzykitty

That's an odd reason for you to ask someone out too.
Because it would make your friend happy?
I fail to see the logic but okay.
Maybe he's trying to be nice in a roundabout way.
"If he's happy then I can be happy!"
(I'm really trying to understand this logic)

I think it's because I most likely would be more happy if I were in a relationship, so he would be happy about that, but to word it as "It would make me happy!" puts it more toward him.

He kind of hopes another one of my friends marries this one girl because he loves weddings and he wants to go to one. No joke.

Anyway, back to the main concept of this response, asking a co-worker out risks causing an awkward relationship due to rejection. That's merely one of the reasons I haven't asked a particular co-worker out. Just in case you didn't catch it, she's not the one he told me I should ask out.

I don't even want to think about what his response would be if I told him I was interested in one of my co-workers. He'd probably try to convince me to actually ask her out.

I'm not much of a risk taker. I kind of wish I were asexual.

*ahem* So, anyway, main points:
-My friend is annoying when it comes to my love life.
-I don't want any awkwardness at work.
-It's hard to be interested in a person if you're interested in someone else.
-I like pretzels.  

[Zizzykitty]

Dornkus

Zizzykitty

I never watched Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends and it sounds terrible.
Should I feel lucky that I didn't ever see it?

I'll let you be the judge of that.



(YES.)

Oh wow
That is pretty bad.
I'm sorry you ever had to watch that.

Dornkus

Zizzykitty

That's an odd reason for you to ask someone out too.
Because it would make your friend happy?
I fail to see the logic but okay.
Maybe he's trying to be nice in a roundabout way.
"If he's happy then I can be happy!"
(I'm really trying to understand this logic)

I think it's because I most likely would be more happy if I were in a relationship, so he would be happy about that, but to word it as "It would make me happy!" puts it more toward him.

He kind of hopes another one of my friends marries this one girl because he loves weddings and he wants to go to one. No joke.

Anyway, back to the main concept of this response, asking a co-worker out risks causing an awkward relationship due to rejection. That's merely one of the reasons I haven't asked a particular co-worker out. Just in case you didn't catch it, she's not the one he told me I should ask out.

I don't even want to think about what his response would be if I told him I was interested in one of my co-workers. He'd probably try to convince me to actually ask her out.

I'm not much of a risk taker. I kind of wish I were asexual.

*ahem* So, anyway, main points:
-My friend is annoying when it comes to my love life.
-I don't want any awkwardness at work.
-It's hard to be interested in a person if you're interested in someone else.
-I like pretzels.

Your friend is a little crazy, huh?

That would be an awkward relationship if she's a co-worker of yours.
Some places even have rules against co-workers dating.
Asexuality would be convenient but not many people really are.

-I'm glad I don't have friends that do that.
-Awkwardness at work would definitely be a bad thing.
-I'm kind of in the same situation right now except tit's the one I'm not interested in is coming on really strong so it makes it hard to be into him
-Pretzels are cool but I've never liked them much, I prefer crackers.  

[Dornkus]

Zizzykitty

That would be an awkward relationship if she's a co-worker of yours.
Some places even have rules against co-workers dating.

I don't know what the policies are about dating where I work, but it's a pretty lax job overall. Still . . . I can see it now:

Me: So, maybe you and I could catch a movie sometime?
Her: Nope. Not interested.
Me: Oh. Huh. Well. See you tomorrow.

Zizzykitty

Asexuality would be convenient but not many people really are.

That's probably because it's a gene that doesn't pass on very easily.

I still wish I had it. Then when my friend is says "u shud ask sum1 out!" I could be all "lol ah'm asexual!"

Zizzykitty

-I'm kind of in the same situation right now except tit's the one I'm not interested in is coming on really strong so it makes it hard to be into him

"Heh. You said "tits!" Heh, heh."

So you're not interested because he's way too interested, or is it he's way too interested and you're not interested regardless of that?

Zizzykitty

-Pretzels are cool but I've never liked them much, I prefer crackers.

It's like I don't know you, anymore!