I have found myself in a sort of spiritual conundrum.

[DemonCount]

Parts of this might seem a little irrelevant, but if you bear with me I will get to a point. I live in the Bible Belt. In a small town called Union City, in North West Tennessee. There a good 40 or more Christian and Catholic churches in the town (I just Googled it, I quit at 40). So naturally I grew up believing such was the only truth. In the last 2 year, I have become increasingly interested in and practicing forms of withcraft, though I still believed in the "Christian God". I feel like I am meant for witchcraft, but I have been slowly (yet intentionally) placing myself farther from the Christian ways and their deity. In the last couple of weeks, even more so in the last few days, I have been feeling like there is another deity, or deities (feeling more like 2, but I'm not sure) out there calling for me, the ones I am meant to follow. Now, believing the same stuff for the better part of 20 years, I am at a loss as to what I should do or where I should look. And to top it all off, being the nostalgic person that I am, there is a little part of me creating self-doubt, it's the same part of me that tells me not to give something I don't want away just because I might find a use for it one day (that part typically causes more problems then solutions).  

[ncsweet]

Contrary to popular belief the Bible does not specifically prohibit the practice of witchcraft, and there are Christian-based witchcraft paths out there, though I admit I'm not very familiar with them. Hopefully some of our other members who are, will pop in and add their 2 cents. xd

(if someone has a link to Tea's info dump that'd be awesome, because I can't seem to find it)  

[DemonCount]

I know, but it just no longer feels right to me.  

[DemonCount]

No, its more than that, I feel something else calling to me. Like I'm meant for something other than christianity.  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

Maybe you should look into different forms of Christianity. Gnosticism might be interesting to you.  

[DemonCount]

I know some about Gnostic Christianity. I'm not looking for a different form of Christianity, Their beliefs don't seem right, don't feel right, just aren't right for me.  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

Alright. So you're genuinely wanting to move away from Jesus and possibly worship other deities, or none at all? Just to be clear on that one... it seems a bit like you're unsure. Or are you unsure because Christianity is all you've ever known, though you really do want to leave it behind?

Alright. But where to begin? what draws you? What appeals? What cultural symbols appeal?  

[DemonCount]

It's not exactly that I am unsure. It's basically as you said, it's all I've every known. I do want to leave it all behind. I know I was put here to help people (which is why asking for advice like this is very difficult for me). When it comes to witchcraft, I am drawn to spiritual protection, divination, that's been primarily what I have dealt with so far. I like helping people, even when sometimes I know it will come at a cost to myself. Can you elaborate on what you meant by cultural symbols?  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

Symbols associated with various cultures - particular foods or scents, religious symbols, elements of the world where that culture developed. Like olive oil or mead or the Eye of Horus.

A lot of people come into things feeling that they're put here to help people. Put that aside for now, because it's hard to help people well until you've worked on yourself and your craft. Once you've done that, you'll know better how you want to help people.

So what are you after? These things you speak of aren't uncommon in a variety of types of witchcraft and magic. You can be a non-religious witch. Is that what you're leaning towards?  

[DemonCount]

No, religion and spirituality mean too much to me for me to want to give them up, I guess I just want to find whats right for me.
I guess it might help if I know what I'm looking for. Any helpful resources that you know of I guess primarily for options?
As far as symbols, the only one that I know much about that appeals to me is the pentagram. Symbols aren't what seem to draw me as much as other things, the moon, right now two creatures come to mind. One mythical (the gargoyle) one real (ravens). Thats all that comes to mind right now.
And as far as putting aside helping others, I really don't have it in me to do that. Though, I know I need to work on myself.  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

I can't give any sources really until I know the direction you want to head in. All you have right now is "not Christianity", and that's far too wide for us to give you any direction. We don't even know that Neo-Paganism is the way you want to go.

I didn't mean to stop helping others, I meant stop thinking of that as your main focus. Your main focus at this point should be on working out where you are and where you want to go, and then you can shift your focus again when you know better what that entails. Because if you have the focus you have right now, it might blank you out to something that might be important or very useful, just because you have it sitting there as your overarching and eventual aim. There are many ways to help people. You don't want to end up not seeing the wood for the trees.

Start pulling out some basics. As a person looking for a path, what is important?
Will you honour nature?
- if so, will you honour it as a whole or will you honour, for example, land-spirits?
- will honouring nature be something you do actively or something more passively important?
Will you worship deities?
- How many deities are there?
- Will you worship within one pantheon, or many?
- Are you a polytheist, pantheist, henotheist, monist, panentheist, ditheist, deist? Other?
What of the afterlife? Do you believe in reincarnation?
- If so, what is the purpose of reincarnation, the eventual aim of many lives?
What sort of magic do you prefer to practice? Are you bigger on ceremonial styles, or folk magic? Are you keen to practice within a cultural tradition, or work in a more eclectic way?
What parts of the world are spiritually appealing?
Do you feel most comfortable at particular times of day, or during a particular reason?
What means "magic" to you?
How important is magic within the religion you are looking for? Will you practice it as an element of the religion, or are you happy enough to practice it as an addition or on the side?  

[DemonCount]

Giving me specific questions like that help tons.
Passively honoring nature, respecting it, but not worshiping it.
I believe I would prefer to worship 2 deities, a male and a female. I will need to continue searching before I can say any more on the deity part.
Yes I believe in an afterlife, uncertain about reincarnation.
My only experiences with magic are on my own, so my variety and knowledge of practices are very limited. The woman who taught me, didn't teach me much of anything. I would personally prefer to try magic within a group setting, and in other manners before I would be able to make much of a decision on that.
I feel more comfortable at night.
I want magic to be a primary part of my religion, just as I want it to be a primary part of my life.  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

Okay, that narrows things down significantly.

There are few Pagan religions with a single god and a single goddess. What you'll be aiming at is either Wicca, or religions vaguely influenced by works on said. A religious, ditheistic witchcraft, essentially. Feri qualifies, iirc. There are quite a few books out there with "Wicca" in the title that aren't about Wicca that might still be of some help.  

[DemonCount]

When it comes to books, I have a small collection on the subject, I like to read about this.
The Wicca Handbook by Eileen Holland
Wicca for the Wise Witch by Lady Starfire ( Don't remember her real name, she owns the closest store to my house over 60 miles away)
Wicca For Life By Raymond Buckland
Solitary Witch by Silver Ravenwolf
The Magic Candle by Charmaine Dey
Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft
Cunningham's Book of Shadows by Scott Cunningham
Celtic Magic by D.J. Conway  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

My comments on those I've read:

DemonCount

When it comes to books, I have a small collection on the subject, I like to read about this.
The Wicca Handbook by Eileen Holland Flicked through it. Not that gret aktully. But there's worse out there.
Wicca for the Wise Witch by Lady Starfire ( Don't remember her real name, she owns the closest store to my house over 60 miles away)
Wicca For Life By Raymond Buckland
Solitary Witch by Silver Ravenwolf No. Discard at once.
The Magic Candle by Charmaine Dey
Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft Available for free online iirc.... it made me angry and Buckland's a douchebag... just reject the poor history and the annoying soft polytheism.
Cunningham's Book of Shadows by Scott Cunningham Interesting from a "aww, weren't he adorable?" perspective, but not as a sourcebook; it's literally his BoS, and there's not a lot of info in it, just rituals, spells and poetry.
Celtic Magic by D.J. Conway For the love of god throw it away. IT BURNS. IT ******** BUUUUUURNS.

Cunningham's "Wicca for the solitary" and "Living Wicca" are better resources than his BoS.