[PRP] Uncomfortable Questions (Hikari x Dysi) - FIN

[zephira738]

"...against the dark to grow and make one stronger, but waiting for the dawn could the night be any longer?" the young hybrid sang quietly under his breath, his paw steps not nearly as stealthy and light as his mother's or dark sister's. He really had to work on that. He hated how he never seemed to be any good at anything at all. Maybe that was why their father, whoever he was, had refused to acknowledge himself and his siblings. Maybe if he got better at something, anything, then he might be almost kind of sort of good enough. Maybe.

That he could sing meant very little to the youngster. His mother didn't sing, no one else in his family did. For a whole he'd hoped it might be something that he'd inherited from his father, but none of the other males who sang, not that there were many of them, seemed as though they were lying when they shooed him off to bother someone else. Mama acted like it didn't matter, Hikari was certain she didn't hear the things the other cubs said, and the adults too. His mama was a kind and brave and wonderful person! They had no right to say such things about her! If only his father would come, they'd see! He'd show them, he would! He had to come...didn't he?

Every family had a mommy and a daddy, at least as far as he could see. Mana's cubs had both, even if she wasn't with them anymore. They at least knew her name. Mama hadn't even told him that!
 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi hummed a little as he walked, the sound off tuned and not really that appealing as the male was anything but musical, but still the sound was rather happy. His daughters were growing well, Nyoka - while upset with him and they did not see each other that often -was social when they did manage to meet. Things were...okay. Not great, he mused to himself, the humming stopping, just okay. Things had been wobbly, and concerning to him for a while, as if soon something might tumble and everything might crash down around him, but he shook his head, attempting to dispel that thought. Nonsense, he thought. His thoughts were simply the result of being cooped up in the pride for too long.

He sighed to himself, his good mood fleeting, and that only fell further apart when he spotted a familiar figure nearby. Hikari. Aiko's boy. He froze. The boy...he looked so much like him, he thought, just like Satomei, the other pale cub, looked like him, but there was something about Hikari that made his similiarties so much...worse. Dysi had done this to the boy, made him look girly, made his life hell because he looked more female then male. This was why Dysi hated sons. The guilt that gnawed at his chest and hurt even when the cub was no where in sight.

Dysi thought, for a moment, of turning and fleeing, but by this point, he was sure the boy had seen him. He winced a little, and continued on his way.
 

[zephira738]

He wasn't alone after all. The still too large for him pink ears pricked and Hikari looked around, trying to find the source of the hum, even though it had already stopped. Oh, it was Uncle Dysi. The young hybrid brightened slightly. Dysi, at least, never seemed to have much to comment upon in regard to their family situation. He was actually one of the nicer people that Hikari could find to spend time with. It was probably a shame that he didn't really have any friends his own age, but that was okay. He didn't need friends his age. He had mama and his siblings. He didn't need much more than that-

Wait, where was he going?

The pink ears drooped, the expression on the young feline's features falling as the white leopard seemed inclined to hurry along on his way. Hadn't uncle Dysi seen him? It had looked like he'd looked at him. Why did he look away so fast? Did he...did he not want to see him after all?

"...uncle Dysi?" Hikari called, his voice going suddenly timid, his unmatched eyes puzzled and maybe hurt too. Why would Dysi seem like he wanted to ignore him? What had he done wrong this time?
 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi paused when he heard Hikari call out to him, having thought - for a moment - that the boy hadn't seen him. The voice was timid and youthful, and so quiet. As if he was hurt and not sure if he wanted Dysi to hear him call out, but still wanting him to stop. He hesitated, before turning back and offering Hikari a wobbly smile. He couldn't hurt the boy, not like this. Hikari always seemed so happy and eager before, he didn't want to see the boy so saddened and down-trodden like he was now.

The title 'Uncle' still made him wince though.

"Hikari," he called back, turning back towards him and approaching slowly, as if reluctantly but trying not to show it. "What are you doing out on your own?" He asked, giving him that same wobbly smile.


 

[zephira738]

The hesitation as he'd stopped, the reluctant motion in his steps...did Dysi really not want to see him? Really? But...why? Even the other male's smile was hesitant!

The hybrid's ears flattened against his skull as he looked down at his paws. His stupid clumsy oversized paws. "Just out..." he mumbled, talking now to his paws instead of the leopard he now felt kind of guilty for bothering. "Mama knows," he added hastily, his stripped tail curling anxiously around his hind paws. "She said it was okay if I didn't go too far."
 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi felt terrible. The boy looked...so sad. It made him want to wince. What had made this usually bright boy so low? He nodded his head when the boy spoke of his mother's permission. Good. He didn't want Aiko coming out screaming at him for kidnapping her son or something. He didn't feel like loosing a fight at the moment.

"Is something wrong, Hikari?" he asked, unable to stop himself from asking. Fear of sons, or not, Hikari needed someone to talk to and Dysi was horrified to realise that that someone was him. Damn it. Where was the busy-body Nanashi when you actually needed him?


 

[zephira738]

Should he ask? He was bothering Dysi already but...but he wasn't in the habit of lying. But was it going to upset the leopard to ask? No...no it couldn't really. Dysi was his uncle. Like Bungie, only white. And...less tough. But that didn't matter, what mattered was that mama trusted him. If mama trusted him then...then Hikari could too.

"I...It's not important I guess...but...I was just wondering...wondering why...I don't... don't have a...a dad..." His voice got tinier and tinier as he spoke, until the last words were barely even a whisper. Maybe this was a bad idea. He didn't want to bother anyone. But mama never told him, and Nanashi...well. He could feel disapproval when mama spoke to that uncle. He was a little nervous to try himself. Besides, he was already Satomei's favorite. No need to try to steal him from his sister. What kind of big brother would that make him anyway?

 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi blinked. Opened his mouth. Closed it before blinking once more. Oh. Well, he certainly hadn't been expecting that. What was he supposed to say? ' Oh, you don't have a dad because I'm a coward who can't face the fact you'll turn out like me, girly and people will hate you so I'll pretend, instead, to be your uncle and hate myself for it, but it's okay, you do have a dad, he's just a wimp'? No. He couldn't say that.

"I don't know, Hikari, but I know that whatever it was, it wasn't your fault," he told Hikari quietly. "It was his choice to not know you and your siblings and I'm sure he will regret that. You and your siblings would be a treasure for any family to have, and your dad is the one who is missing out on knowing that. Perhaps you are better not knowing him." He suggested. Well, it was true. Dysi knew he would regret not being part of those cubs lives, but he had no choice. He couldn't face this fear. He couldn't see the hatred his cubs suffered, because of him.

 

[zephira738]

Had he upset him? Timidly, Hikari peeked up through the gray fluff of fur that insisted on falling in his eyes. His mother assured him it was cheetah mane, not lion, but still. He was so bulky, and he knew she liked lions herself...what he he were half lion? No wonder everyone would hate him then!

"It's nice of you to say that," the youngster mumbled when Dysi tried to reassure him. It sounded a lot like what his mama would say, though without the laugh and 'maybe it's someone else entirely, how would I know'.

"But he's the only one who knows. I just...I just wish I knew who he was at least," he tried to explain, but just couldn't figure out how to express it. This was so frustrating right now...  

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi shifted awkwardly. "Why is it so important for you to know?" He asked quietly. "It won't change who you are, or make you any different. You are who you are, no matter who your father is." Okay, that may not have made sense, but Dysi was not good at this sort of thing. He was good at fussing and making flower chains and cooing over how adorable things were, not giving life changing advice to the son who wanted to know who his dad was and was actually his son but Dysi really didn't want him to know that! Gah, when did life get confusing?

"Have you spoken to your mother about this?" He asked, wondering what Aiko might say about it. Probably just laugh it off. She wasn't really the most helpful person when she was being secretive. Talk about confusing.
 

[zephira738]

Hikari scuffled his paws in the dirt. How was he supposed to explain this at all? ”I asked mama. She said she doesn’t know who it is anyway but-“ he cut himself off there. Dysi would probably not approve of him saying he thought his mama was lying…nor would mother he was certain. That she would find out he had no doubts, she always knew what was going on with her family. It was like she could see them at all times or something, so strange. ”But it just…I just… Did you know who your daddy was, uncle Dysi?” Hikari tried, wondering if it would be easier to explain that way.

”I just…I don’t know…I mean, I guess it wouldn’t change anything but…I want to know. Something’s missing and I don’t know what it is, but I want to know.”
 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi nodded his head. Well, at least Aiko was being realistic about it, but sometimes, Dysi wondered how others missed it. Standing side by side with Hikari, their similarities were hard to miss. He supposed that they simply thought Aiko had found someone similar to him to mate with. He was surprised at the boy's question though. “Well, yes, but I never knew him,” Dysi said quietly. “My mother spoke of him though.” He had been raised by his mother only, with only his sisters, so he knew a little of how Hikari felt, but to be honest, Dysi had never thought of trying to find his father or felt lost without him. His mother had adored him and his sisters, and that had been enough.

He sighed. “What will you do once you find him, Hikari? He may not be the man you wanted or thought him to be. Could you really deal with that?” He asked seriously. He had no intention of revealing himself as Hikari's father, but what if some day he found out? Dysi didn't know how Hikari would react to such a...girly father.
 

[zephira738]

"At least you knew of him," Hikari pointed out quietly. "Mama never talks about our daddy at all. It's like we don't have one, even though all the other cubs do," he added sadly. "I mean, sometimes mama talks about other males that she knows, so I guess she must have mentioned him at some point. But the only one she said was white was a lion. What if I'm a lion? Aunty Nyoka would hate me!"

He was bigger than a cheetah, too! What if it was a lion?
 

[Velveteen Angel]

Dysi felt bad for Hikari. He really did, but this was not something he was going to admit to. Why should he? It would only cause unnecessary drama and more problem for him. He hated that he was hurting Hikari but he couldn't own up to this.

"No one would hate you if you were a lion," Dysi said firmly. "You are part of the pride and your Uncle would not let anything happen to you, part lion or not." He gazed at the young boy, a sympathetic look on his face. "Hikari, you are an amazing boy. Don't let your lack of father define you. You're more then what blood you have running through your veins."

Dysi was not good at advice, but he was trying! He wasn't sure what he was saying, but he was trying.
 

[zephira738]

"I know, I know," he tried to explain. It meant so much to him that Dysi would care about him even if he were part lion. He already knew mother would, and that she'd attack anyone who hurt him because of it. He knew that people were different from their parents, he and his siblings were different from mother, though most of them seemed to have a little mother in them. But what about father? Why didn't he at least say they were his? He just wanted to know. He didn't even need the guy to be around, he just wanted to know who it was!

"But...I..."To his utter horror, Hikari felt himself starting to cry. It was not something boys his age did, but he knew he cried frequently. He couldn't help himself, though he did try. Ears flattened with embarrassment, the young hybrid slunk backwards. The only person he could cry in front of and not wish to shrivel up and die was mama... Uncle Dysi would think he was a baby. Maybe if he fled now the leopard wouldn't notice..?