Saika Kojikai ((under construction))

[RyuShikyo Yagari]

Rebuilding In Process

 

[SpokenSoftly]

Item 1: This profile needs literacy.

Item 2: You are allowed ONE ZANPAKUTO. ONE ZANPAKUTO. NOT TWO. ONE.

Item 3: We are all aware of the pronunciation of Japanese names, it's a prerequisite to read the manga this Guild is based around. And the name you gave your character is not pronounced as you say, else it would be written S'aika Kojik'ai.

Item 4: Parenthetical notes within a profile, especially directly below an image, are a pet peeve of mine. Please kill them.

Item 5: Don't even try to put "unknown" or anything similar for your character's age unless they're a pre-Aizen Arrancar, and even then only if you have justification. All residents are logged upon entry to the Seireitei, and your character's age-after-death would be known to within a few days.

Item 6: You know, a conversational tone really ruins the feel of a profile in a Guild like this, 'cause in this Guild we kinda try to be literate, you know what I mean? Seriously. Try to give your profile a more clinical tone.

Item 7: Your Zanpakuto cannot have 'abilities' of any kind. At all. Whatsoever. Confine that to Shikai and Bankai.

Item 8: That said, your Shikai and Bankai are obviously just a collection of abilities you like that you've thrown together. If there's a unifying theme, it's too subtle and advanced for me to spot, and given the rest of the profile I seriously doubt that.

Item 9: WOW!!! EVERYTHING GETS MASHED TOGETHER FOR BANKAI PLUS YOU GET A SCYTHE??? VERY ORIGINAL!

Item 10: ... "this isn't reiatsu?" ... what is this s**t? This is a Bleach roleplaying guild. The resident mana-analogue is reiatsu. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Item 11: Get rid of the sentence fragments.

Item 12: Rework the bio entirely. It's brimming over with Sueishness.

Item 13: The mother regained "cautiousness?" Seriously? I know Spellcheck is useful, but please make an effort to check for contextual errors, yes?

Item 14: Don't include smilies in your bio, please, it's noobish.

Item 15: I don't need to look at that former profile. It biases me even further against you and your roleplaying skill than this profile.

Item 16: Kill everything, start over from scratch. Take some English classes, get Google Chrome or Firefox if you don't already have them (for the packaged spellchecker), take a Creative Writing class to up your knowledge of what NOT to put in a bio made for a supernatural-battle RP (Your bio would fit perfectly in a high school drama setting, but not this), and generally get the tools and knowledge you need to make a character profile that does not suck.

Conclusion: This profile is horrible. Apologies, since I know this will cause badly-spelled and erratically-punctuated offense when you read it, and more than a little butthurt from some self-righteous fellow-Crew who doesn't like how blunt I am, but this profile does truly suck. Rework it entirely.  

[RyuShikyo Yagari]

Doctor_Whiteface

Item 1: This profile needs literacy.

Item 2: You are allowed ONE ZANPAKUTO. ONE ZANPAKUTO. NOT TWO. ONE.

Item 3: We are all aware of the pronunciation of Japanese names, it's a prerequisite to read the manga this Guild is based around. And the name you gave your character is not pronounced as you say, else it would be written S'aika Kojik'ai.

Item 4: Parenthetical notes within a profile, especially directly below an image, are a pet peeve of mine. Please kill them.

Item 5: Don't even try to put "unknown" or anything similar for your character's age unless they're a pre-Aizen Arrancar, and even then only if you have justification. All residents are logged upon entry to the Seireitei, and your character's age-after-death would be known to within a few days.

Item 6: You know, a conversational tone really ruins the feel of a profile in a Guild like this, 'cause in this Guild we kinda try to be literate, you know what I mean? Seriously. Try to give your profile a more clinical tone.

Item 7: Your Zanpakuto cannot have 'abilities' of any kind. At all. Whatsoever. Confine that to Shikai and Bankai.

Item 8: That said, your Shikai and Bankai are obviously just a collection of abilities you like that you've thrown together. If there's a unifying theme, it's too subtle and advanced for me to spot, and given the rest of the profile I seriously doubt that.

Item 9: WOW!!! EVERYTHING GETS MASHED TOGETHER FOR BANKAI PLUS YOU GET A SCYTHE??? VERY ORIGINAL!

Item 10: ... "this isn't reiatsu?" ... what is this s**t? This is a Bleach roleplaying guild. The resident mana-analogue is reiatsu. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Item 11: Get rid of the sentence fragments.

Item 12: Rework the bio entirely. It's brimming over with Sueishness.

Item 13: The mother regained "cautiousness?" Seriously? I know Spellcheck is useful, but please make an effort to check for contextual errors, yes?

Item 14: Don't include smilies in your bio, please, it's noobish.

Item 15: I don't need to look at that former profile. It biases me even further against you and your roleplaying skill than this profile.

Item 16: Kill everything, start over from scratch. Take some English classes, get Google Chrome or Firefox if you don't already have them (for the packaged spellchecker), take a Creative Writing class to up your knowledge of what NOT to put in a bio made for a supernatural-battle RP (Your bio would fit perfectly in a high school drama setting, but not this), and generally get the tools and knowledge you need to make a character profile that does not suck.

Conclusion: This profile is horrible. Apologies, since I know this will cause badly-spelled and erratically-punctuated offense when you read it, and more than a little butthurt from some self-righteous fellow-Crew who doesn't like how blunt I am, but this profile does truly suck. Rework it entirely.

((Gotcha~ I knew It needed work, I just needed it to be exact ... By the way could I possibly just go by my older one and return to squad 10? or would that be bending a rule))  

[SpokenSoftly]

RyuShikyo Yagari

By the way could I possibly just go by my older one and return to squad 10? or would that be bending a rule))

Your old profile is worse than this one was. It issues include most of what I mentioned in my profile-raep post in addition to having no formatting, worse grammar, and... You know, I'm not even going to try.

Until you improve your profile to something that vaguely resembles this, don't ask me if it's approved.

If your character scores a 30 or more on the Mary-Sue Litmus Test, consider it broken. If you score higher than a 50, redo it. If you score a 307, congratulations, you have broken genre boundaries and made a character based around Sueishness, you may now quit the Guild, do not pass Home, do not collect 200 Gold.

Seriously, though, I will automatically reject anything that scores higher than a 45 on the MSLT, regardless of how well it's written.  

[RyuShikyo Yagari]

Doctor_Whiteface

RyuShikyo Yagari

By the way could I possibly just go by my older one and return to squad 10? or would that be bending a rule))

Your old profile is worse than this one was. It issues include most of what I mentioned in my profile-raep post in addition to having no formatting, worse grammar, and... You know, I'm not even going to try.

Until you improve your profile to something that vaguely resembles this, don't ask me if it's approved.

If your character scores a 30 or more on the Mary-Sue Litmus Test, consider it broken. If you score higher than a 50, redo it. If you score a 307, congratulations, you have broken genre boundaries and made a character based around Sueishness, you may now quit the Guild, do not pass Home, do not collect 200 Gold.

Seriously, though, I will automatically reject anything that scores higher than a 45 on the MSLT, regardless of how well it's written.

?
Well it was approved by the last 10th squad captain... odd. I guess the moderators are now more tight skinned. Although sure the thread doesn't say "Approved" on it. That is because when I joined that wasn't needed but later when I went for the 10th squad I was approved. Well, whatever I've got bigger fish to fry.  

[SpokenSoftly]

RyuShikyo Yagari

Doctor_Whiteface

RyuShikyo Yagari

By the way could I possibly just go by my older one and return to squad 10? or would that be bending a rule))

Your old profile is worse than this one was. It issues include most of what I mentioned in my profile-raep post in addition to having no formatting, worse grammar, and... You know, I'm not even going to try.

Until you improve your profile to something that vaguely resembles this, don't ask me if it's approved.

If your character scores a 30 or more on the Mary-Sue Litmus Test, consider it broken. If you score higher than a 50, redo it. If you score a 307, congratulations, you have broken genre boundaries and made a character based around Sueishness, you may now quit the Guild, do not pass Home, do not collect 200 Gold.

Seriously, though, I will automatically reject anything that scores higher than a 45 on the MSLT, regardless of how well it's written.

?
Well it was approved by the last 10th squad captain... odd. I guess the moderators are now more tight skinned. Although sure the thread doesn't say "Approved" on it. That is because when I joined that wasn't needed but later when I went for the 10th squad I was approved. Well, whatever I've got bigger fish to fry.

Yes, we are more tight-skinned. The Guild's become more literate since your first profile (and how...) and we expect some measure of literacy. Which means minimal spelling mistakes, minimal grammatical slipups, and a bio that doesn't read like something out of Twilight, among other things.