The young hybrid was getting to be not quite so young as he used to be. He wasn't nearly as large as he could have been, looking more like a very slender young leopard than a bulky cheetah simply from the build he'd managed to inherit. That he hadn't sprouted a full-out mane yet was an utter releief for him. He liked lions okay, but he didn't wish to be hated because Nyoka thought him to be one. He was hated enough as it was.

His own cousins too. He'd tried to assure Nyoka that he would love them when he'd curled up with her on the rock and felt how round her stomach had been. But then...then they thought him horrid. Just because he wasn't a pureblooded anything. And he was stull clumsy around the paws, though the rest of him was starting to slip into that fluid grace his mother carried herself with. He'd learned how to sit with the same quiet dignity she did, but to keep his expression soft and his head cocked just so, his tail tip curling slightly, inviting others to join him in conversation. If he could manage it without the faint quiver of nerves, then he'd be all set for what he wanted.

Or what he'd thought he wanted. When he was still small. To be like mama. To be a consort. Uncle had been upset though. And now...now he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. But he liked to sing. And he liked to make people happy. So entertainment really was best for him...right? Mama said she would support him no matter what he did. What he wanted. And he wanted... well.

He still wanted a father. And he still wanted to sing and make someone happy. But he sort of...wanted that someone...to be... And it wasn't like they were really related. Like uncle Bugie. Right? Right.

His steps were soft, though he stubbed his toes twice and tripped over a branch, as hybrid, now nearly a young adult, padded towards the dens he knew belong to royalty. To a specific royalty. Leopard.


Nyoka had cubs.

...Nyoka had cubs.

And not just any cubs, but the cubs of that snide male who had taken Dysi's plac ein her heart so firmly that Nyoka had barely even given him a second glance. Dysi had been sulking - and he admitted to sulking, as it was quite obvious what he was doing - in his den for several days. He had emerged at night to stretch his legs, and to hunt, but had done little interacting with the pride since the announcement of those cubs. He had not seen Nyoka for weeks, and he planned to keep it that way.

He was curled up in the back of his den, lying there but not asleep. Who could sleep in a time like this, when his heart was so nearly shattered? He shook his head, trying to remove those thoughts, the painful reminders of his loss.

He should have gotten up, and moved about the pride, burying himself in work...but he was a Royal. He didn't work. His cubs were out playing, as they usually were, and he still spoiled his daughters, loving them as much as he could and playing when he summoned the strength, but still, he simply didn't feel like he could do what he had done before, not now that there were purebred royals roaming the pride.

Dysi heaved a sigh and rolled over, turning his back to the opening of his den, curling up against the back wall. He was getting uncomfortable, simply lying around, but what else could he do?

He had been replaced. Thoroughly replaced.


Dysi was home. Hikari could smell it, feel it in the subtle shift in the air. Mama had taught him well, though he was not the warrior she was. But he knew how to find people. And watching her had taught him how to move. His paws stumbled still, but the rest of him was getting better at the sinewy subtle shifts that made all the males stare at mother when she sauntered by.

Taking a deep anxious breath, hoping to quell his nerves, he adopted that same smooth graceful motion into his steps as he padded to poke his head just inside of the leopard's den. "Dysi?" he called softly, his voice still childishly sweet, but gaining the soft lower tones of an adult. Slowly. It didn't seem overly likely that he would get a much deeper voice, but it would hopefully lose the baby-ish edge to it soon. "May I come in?" Hikari asked, his shoulders winding just around the mouth of the male's den, the way he'd seen mother saunter back inside before.

He was nervous, but at least pretending to be Aiko made it easier to try... he had to at least try...


Dysi's ears twitched at the sound of a familiar childish voice. Hikari. He had seen the young boy around often, and after he had comforted the boy that time, he'd started to see him around more. This was the first time he'd ever come to his den though, and he glanced up, rolling back towards the mouth of the den. He sighed, and thought about pretending he was not home, but knew the boy would never fall for it.

"Yes, Hikari," he called, his voice rather flat but still welcoming to the boy. He was exhausted and upset, yes, but still, he couldn't turn the boy away. He was his bloodkin. Dysi refused to say 'son' even internally. "Come on in."

He pushed himself to his feet, but made no effort to straighten his messy fur. It was only Hikari. He cast his gaze to where the boy would enter from, a curious expression on his face as he waited.


He wasn't disturbing him, was he? Dysi sounded...not happy. His ears flicked, then flattened nervously. Maybe this was a bad idea. He wasn't sure how to go about explaining how he felt, and if the leopard was in a poor mood it would be even worse. But he had come to do this today. He could do it. Mother wouldn't be afraid. She wouldn't even hesitate. She always walked right along towards whatever it was that she had decided upon. And so, after taking a deep breath, Hikari tried to do the same.

Aiko's paws were small and delicate, but there was something oversized and clumsy in Hikari's. The odd mix of a cheetah's long slender limbs touched with the thick pads of a leopard's paws and bulk through his shoulders made him look a little more ungainly than sensual, but he had learned well from his teacher, and the nerves were the only thing that really made him look different now. Aiko moved with sly confidence, Hikari followed the same motions, but there was shy hesitation in his steps.

"I haven't seen you around lately," the boy tried to explain, not quite able to simply blurt out the truth. "I missed you." Dysi looked kind of awful, though the hybrid was not likely to state this out loud. What was wrong?


Dysi looked amused as the boy walked in, soft of gangly and ungraceful despite the obvious influence of his mother's charms. Aiko had always had the most entrancing walk, and it seemed her son was attempting to copy it, probably just out of habit since Aiko was his main influence. He winced when the boy mentioned his absence and nodded, before the male continued and admitted he'd missed Dysi.

Wait. The boy had actually missed Dysi? Odd. Dysi didn't think they were that close. He had helped the boy once or twice, and had been a good Uncle to him sometimes, but they weren't exactly buddies.

"I have been...under the weather," he explained trying to phrase it delicately. He couldn't come right out and say he was depressed due to the joyous new litter of brats from the royal couple. Dysi felt guilty for thinking them brats but really, how could Nyoka birth Nanashi's cubs? And not tell Dysi prior?

"I'm sorry I've been so absent," Dysi said, almost awkwardly. "Did you need me for something?" Perhaps the boy needed further advice, since that seemed all that Dysi was good for, except cuddles when he was sad. Dysi was good at cuddling. It came from being a good father to his little girls, he figured.


Under the weather? Dysi was ill? What? Since when? Why had no one said anything? "I-I'm s-sorry," Hikari stammered, the softness he'd tried to imitate shifting into something that, while still soft, was a sort of shrinking softness, instead of an inviting one. "I h-hadn't heard, I didn't mean to...to disturb you."

Maybe he should just go before he made things worse. He would probably make things worse. Everyone knew Hikari didn't belong. Even tiny cubs knew that he was an outsider. Unwanted. He...didn't fit. Not even inside his own skin.

"N-no, I...I just wanted to...I'm sorry, I'll leave you be," the hybrid squeaked, now thoroughly stricken with fear at the idea of bothering the leopard further. The feeling of fluttering in his ribs was new, the but anxiety of upsetting someone was old news.


Dysi felt bad as he watched the stammering boy. He knew the boy felt not sure of himself, as he didn't know his father and was unsure of his place, and Dysi had been of some help to him before. He shouldn't turn him out, not when he might actually need help.

"No, no," Dysi said, smiling at the boy, unknowing of what he was encouraging. "You are not disturbing me. I could probably use the company," he remarked dryly. "I have isolated myself off for quite a while. You are the first pride member aside from my daughters that I have seen in a while."

He shifted, resting back on his haunches as he peered at the young boy."Come, sit," he encouraged, motioning to the spot next to him with his tail.

He couldn't turn the boy away, though later he would wish he had.


Hikari hesitated still, trying to judge whether or not Dysi was merely trying to humor him or genuinely wanted the company. Perhaps it was too easy for him to decide it was the latter, but he couldn't help how he felt. It seemed fewer and fewer people had the time for him anymore, and when he'd stopped seeing Dysi around... it had hurt. But in a different sort of way. He couldn't explain it, though his shy conversations with his mother had helped to enlighten him as to what the feeling was. She just didn't know who it was regarding and, gods bless her, she didn't pry. He didn't know how to tell anyone but he felt like he should tell Dysi first...

...but... how?

"Thank you," he demurred, stepping lightly to sit beside his uncle. His back straightened as he did so, his tail flicking before sweeping around to curl delicately about his feet, just as his mother's always did. He was silent for a few moments, his ears laid back and the stripy tip of his tail just tap-tap-tapping anxiously on the ground. "I am sorry you have not been well. Is there anything I can do for you?" And is there any way to delay the purpose for coming to visit? Now that he was here, it was even harder than he'd thought!


Dysi was surprised at how much the youth reminded him of Aiko. The way he moved - though untrained like Aiko - was so similiar to that of his mothers that it was almost uncanny. Even the way he sat, tail wrapped around his legs delicately, despite the bushier tail then a cheetah, looked like how Aiko would sit. How odd. Perhaps Aiko's grace was hereditary? In which case, Dysi was glad none of his children appeared to have inherited his grace.

He smiled at the boy's question and shook his head. "No, Hikari," he said,"I am fine, but thank you for your concern." He felt bad that the boy thought he was actually sick, not merely heart sick. Perhaps he should admit to the boy that he was not physically ill, but emotionally ill? No, it seemed too personal of a thing to admit to the youth.

"Did you come here for a reason?" Dysi prompted the young lad, trying to encourage the boy to ask for assistance - which was what Dysi believed the boy had come to the den for.

Well, at least Dysi sounded like he might be feeling better. Certainly, aside from his unkempt state, he seemed like he was alright. That was good. Hikari was glad the leopard was well.

But he was running out of excuses and reasons not to come to his point now.

"I...I came to see you?" the hybrid tried anxiously, glancing up at the male before looking nervously to the side. "When you weren't around anymore, I missed you. So...so I came to find you."

And tell him something that was starting to seem like a really bad idea to say outloud. Oh mama, what should he do? He should have asked her for help! But he'd wanted Dysi to be the first to know. It felt like Dysi ought to know first... it was about him after all.


Dysi chuckled lightly as the youth continued to cling to the excuse of simply coming to find Dysi because he had been missing for a little while. To Dysi, it didn't seem that realistic. People knew where he was, but he suppose that someone as young as Hikari could not grasp why he was so torn up by the newly born royal litter. "That was kind of you," Dysi said softly, bumping his shoulder with the younger boy's.

"But that can not be the only reason you came," he further encouraged, trying to draw the real reason out. What if it was about some girl? He wanted to chuckle. He knew his daughters were uncomfortable coming to him about it, but perhaps Hikari thought he was a good confident. In all truth, Dysi probably would be better with asking about girls, then about boys, as Dysi was more of a girl and could relate better to them. Plus, Dysi would harm - or get someone else to harm- any unfit boy who went near any of his precious daughters.

He shook his head and quickly refocused on Hikari, trying to push the idea of any of his daughters dating out of his mind.

"N-no, it...it really was to see you..." Hikari managed, but his paws were suddenly ever so much more interesting. He was familiar, by now, with the way his long slender cheetah limbs widened out into broad powerful looking paws. Lion's paws? He hoped not. But since he had not yet sprouted a mane, he thought it might be leopard after all. Truly a relief, for while he knew his mother loved him, he also valued his aunt's opinion. It was little secret that she was not fond of lions.

But his paws were not what he had come to see. He had come to see Dysi. He had come to...to tell him...tell him..."I..." But he didn't know how to tell him. What was he supposed to say? And what if Dysi didn't feel the same? What if it disgusted him? Made him angry? But he shouldn't not say it. Mama always said that he should be true to himself. Surely that meant to say what he felt, how he felt... especially when he felt so strongly. "Ireallylikeyou," he finally blurted out, then coughed and resumed his interest in his paws. Really, it was strange how wide his toes got in comparison to his slender legs...


Dysi continued to look amused as the boy kept up the lie, but could not look Dysi in the face while doing so. He, instead, seemed to be fascinated by his own paws, which could not be as interested as the youth made them seem to be. When he stammered, Dysi made sure to pay attention, expecting some horrifyingly embarrassing statement, but instead, he was left with a rather amusing blurted declaration of like.

Was the boy feeling out of place again? Dysi sighed. It was sad for such a kind boy to feel so out of place inn the pride, but hybrids were not favoured here, so it was understandable. "I like you too, Hikari," he told the boy, giving him a gentle smile. "You're my favourite nephew." Admittedly, Dysi was not really his 'uncle', but much closer then that, but Dysi would never admit the 'son' fact, or that Hikari was one of the few of his male offspring he had come to like/even know.


Nephew.

It felt like something shriveled up and died. Or maybe like someone had kicked him in the stomach. Kanie had done that often enough that he knew exactly what that felt like. It didn't hurt quite as much as this did though. But then again, it wasn't like Kanie had been trying to hurt him. He didn't think Dysi was either.

"But...I'm not your real nephew...right?" he asked meekly. Please don't let him be a relative that Aiko forgot to mention or something. That would...just...be bad. It would be very bad.


Dysi tilted his head to the side, hiding a wince. "Well, not technically," he admitted. He was much worse then that, considering that Dysi was not an 'uncle' as he had always told the cubs, but something much closer then that. "But I care about you like I would a real nephew," he assured the boy, thinking that perhaps he thought because they were not related, that Dysi would not care for him as much.

"I hope you think of me like a real Uncle, even if our blood does not say we are that relations," he told the boy, honestly. He had always wanted to help the cubs, even if he would never admit who he really was to them.



"But we're...not blood..." Hikari repeated, the childish petulance creeping into his tone as he struggled with misery. He'd been scared to admit his feelings to begin with. Terrified really. And now...now it was worse. Favorite 'nephew'. Think of him as an 'uncle'. Mother would never be troubled by words. Mother always spoke her mind. She was very mind-over-matter. She knew things. She did things. She was who she was, and if anyone had a problem with it they'd better deal.

Hikari...lacked that sort of confidence. But he didn't entirely lack her appearance. Sure his fur was white rather than black, and his spots were pink, and his paws and legs and tail and body were all jumbled up and the wrong sizes. At least one of his eyes was like hers! Shifting his position ever so slightly Hikari curled his tail ever so cautiously around his uncle's hips to rest on the other's paws. Mother would have done it delicately, subtley, seductively. Hikari was lucky he'd done it without getting the shakes. His back was arched slightly, to add a curve to his slender spine and puff out the soft fluff of his chest as he looked anxiously at the wall on the other side of the den. Mother would have had a coy sidelong look for the male she was interested in. But he...well. He wasn't sure he could go through with this anymore. What if...what if...what if Dysi... hated him for it?

"You don't have to think of my as a nephew you know. Since we aren't related." There was no sly teasing trailing off, he knew mother would have done it that way. He watched her so closely, so carefully. But his voice was not trustworthy enough for that. At least he hadn't blurted them out in a jumble as he had with his first attempt at confessing the confusion of feelings.


Dysi had been rather confused as to why Hikari had come to him, but when the boy seemed almost sulky about them not being blood, Dysi almost thought this was about the boy's lack of a father. It always seemed to be about a lack of a father with Hikari, though he could understand why it seemed so important to the adolescent. After all, having a dad was a very important thing - or at least, at that age it seemed to be.

When the tail came and wrapped around him, he began think that maybe it wasn't about that. When the words came out of Hikari's mouth, he froze. What? Ohnononononono, he thought, hoping that he was thinking wrong as to Hikari's intentions, but peering across at the shy looking boy, he knew it wasn't. Oh. This was not good.

"Hikari," he said gently, moving a little to remove the tail wrapped around him. He placed his paw over his unknowing son's paw. "You're my nephew," he told him, trying so hard to be gentle about breaking this to him. "And I will always love you, as my nephew." Someday his son would meet a great girl - or boy, as it seemed he was inclined - who would love him, Dysi knew, but he hated breaking the boy's heart like this, but it had to be done.



Either Dysi was seriously being dense or that had been a solid 'no' to his shy attempted proposition. More miserable than ever, he let his tail curl and tangle around his feet, not particularly caring if he tied himself in knots now. Not interested. Not interested at all. That emphasis had been pretty darn clear.

"I understand...uncle," Hikari replied softly, not entirely able to keep the sting of bitterness from his tone. His eyes dropped to where Dysi's paw rested on his. For a moment they looked almost the same like that. White, too large for a cheetah, with soft broad toes meant to grip and climb... He was quiet a moment, now beyond doubt at a loss for what to do with these feelings. He wanted to hurt Dysi back, irrationally he was certain. But he did. But he wouldn't. It wasn't fair to try to hurt his mother's friend just because he was messed up. It wouldn't be right.

Slowly he pulled his paw away, drawing it close and neatly beside the other as he straightened, his chin tipped ever so slightly in the way that his mother's would when she was cross but implying politeness. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Hikari offered almost curtly. "Since you are not feeling well?"


Dysi felt a terrible pang in his chest where his heart was at the sad look on Hikari's face. The boy had understood what he'd been saying then, that much was obvious, but Dysi still felt horrible that he had hurt the boy. It was the only thing that could have happened though. His ears drooped a little and he heaved a small sigh. What had started as a bad day, had only improved a little at his son's presence, and then prompt gone to hell again, after discovering why Hikari was there in the first place.

He watched the boy straighten, and felt a fondness blossom in his chest. He was so much like his mother, and now that he wasn't trying to mimic her seduction, he could truly appreciate the likeness now. Hikari would be strong, like Aiko was. Dysi doubted that Aiko would raise any of her cubs to not be sure of themselves, and proud of who they were - even if sometimes things went wrong.

"Just one thing," he said softly, when the boy asked if he could do anything for Dysi. "Don't hate me." He stared at his son, a gentle, sad smile on his face. He had always pushed his sons away, but at that moment, he regretted it more than ever. If he hadn't, then maybe he wouldn't be seeing that sadness in those pink eyes so often.



Hikari's ears quivered slightly, trying to lay flat against his head, but he nodded slowly. "I don't think you need to worry about that, Dysi," he muttered softly, rising to his stupid clumsy paws and promptly almost falling over his tail. Stupid clumsy him. If only he were lithe and graceful like mother maybe...maybe...

But he didn't want to stay here. Not right now. He was going to be a wreck any second and, old as he might be now, he wanted his mommy more than almost anything in this moment. If he stayed he might cry in front of the male he'd wanted to impress and that would just make everything so much worse even. "Goodbye then. I hope you feel better."

He padded quickly from the den, his head down as he passed from the entrance. He did not want to meet anyone's eyes just now. Especially anyone who might ask him what was wrong...


Dysi watched the male leave his den, the words echoing around him as if haunting him. Goodbye. So formal. So..final. Dysi didn't think that Hikari would come to hate him, but he really feared of what the boy might do. He wanted to comfort him, but his comfort would not be welcomed today - nor ever, on this issue at least.

He watched the empty entrance to his den for a moment, watching the pale figure disappear before he laid himself back down on the floor. Now, the guilt piled up, along with the misery of Nyoka, and it was suffocating. He rolled over, his back to the entrance of the den, trying to hide away from what he'd done.

- f i n -