I have to ask for an opinion

[komatachii]

I felt like writing this. It's supposed to be a song, but i want your opinion of it. Don't worry about hurting feelings, and tell me what you think?

It has no name yet, and it does jump topics just a little i thik, but I'm not sure...

Hear in this night i sit here out of sight,
In the darkness look up to the sky,
and wonder why?

Then i look back to the outside walls of this inside place,
and i have saw your beautiful face.
Am i the one to see,
just what you could be....

Come with me and we will see
the world from a different view,
and hopefully I'll still be with you,
Because just like the wind
I'm blown form my home,
and force to live
in a world so very cold,
to cold for me.
Will you save me??

Am i the one to see
just what you could be?
am I the one to be with you in the sea?
Am i the one to be with you in life?
Or is my life simply A sharp knife?
Will you hold me as i sink into the breeze?
Or will you be right there with me?
I'll hold you close, and never let go.
If you'll promise me,
we'll always be.

Hear in this night,
I sit here with you,
we're both alone now.
What shall we do now?
I'll hold you close,
but how do i see?
How have i seen,
just what you could be?  

[_xX Es-One Xx_]

It's decent. I would think of it more of a poem than a song, but that's just my opinion  

[komatachii]

It sounds more like a poem.. Thank you. I really appreciate this. ^ ^ I have work to do on it.  

[Version Five]

I agree, more of a poem to me than a song. But nonetheless, its very good!  

[SuchSweetSadism]

I like the depth, not so much the lyrics.

It's overall good though.
 

[siIky legs]

I agree too, it's pretty good and it sounds more like a poem. Wonderful job! c:  

[komatachii]

Thank you all. ^ ^ I'm glad you all like it to an extent. I'll try to edit it some when i have more free time.  

[SuchSweetSadism]

Xx_Lil Miss Summer_xX

Thank you all. ^ ^ I'm glad you all like it to an extent. I'll try to edit it some when i have more free time.

I look forward to seeing the edited one!
^^
 

[BUTTTCHEAKS]

beutiful poem biggrin
its sad and awesome at the same time :3