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 Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:01 pm
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Name: Tsuki Hana Yamamoto
Age: 17
Birthday: May 13
Zanpaku-tou: Kaede Tori
Shikai: Furatta (flutter)
-First form-This form is her absolute release and it is her weakest. She releases it with the command 'Furatta' which means flutter. When this form is released the sword turns black, the hilt looks like autumn colors and vines that match it. Two out of the three vines has thorns on it and the one that doesn't have any thorns wraps around her right arm. This is her most vunerable form and she has to be extra careful because when the vines wrap around her opponent and the thorns dig themselves into the opponent, sucking the reiatsu from them and trasmitting the energy to her. It is vulnerable because she is opened to many attack. On her hands are fingertipless gloves that keep her sword in her hand at all times. She is able to use kido with it but it isn't as strong as it normally is.
-Second form- In this form her gloves are green and up to her elbows. her sword is the same light color as her gloves. it is stronger than the initial release and it turns the plants around her into leaves that she controls with her mind and is able to completely emerse her opponent and slice them. It only works if the person isn't paying attention or keeping up their guard. She is still able to use kido but to an extent.
Banakai: Eight forms, each stronger than the last and each form represents a different kind of bird.
-Hi no tori (Bird of fire, Cardinal)
-Suterusu no tori (Bird of stealth, Humming bird)
-Mizu no tori (Bird of water, Blue Jay)
-Majutsu no tori (Bird of magick, Flamingo)
-Kaminari no tori (Bird of lightning, Canary)
-Kinsetsu no tori (Bird of melee, Baltimore Oriole)
-Sagi no tori (Bird of deception, Mockingbird)
-Bokyaku no tori (Bird of oblivion, Swan)
Personality: Tsuki is a calm and outgoing person. She has a tendancy to lash out in violence when angry or upset. Tsuki also loves her adopted father and cares about her friends. She is very protective of her friends and is willing to lose her life to save them. She has a strong sense of nobility and justice. Though she does look young and weak she is much stronger than she appears.
Height: 4'9''
Weight: 110 lbs
Hair color: brown
Eye color: aquamarine
Fighting style: melee, kido, hand-to-hand, shunko and, some ninja techniques.
History: Tsuki was born to a human family in the world of the living. She was trained to fight ever since the first time she walked. When she turned five she was abandoned to fend for herself. They abandoned her because she was so talented with her skills. Tsuki was the child prodigy of her clan. When she turned six she found her parents and killed them for what they did to her. She would always seem to be in the middle of a fight since her parents abandoned her until she was nine. The fights she was always in were just to protect those who were in danger. She was nine when she first encountered a hollow. Tsuki tried to fight it with her ninja skills and her weapons but she was struggling to keep fighting. She thought she was a gonner until a shinigami showed up. he was the captain of the 13th division. Juushiro Ukitake saved her life and brought her to the Seireiti to revoer from her injuries. The Head Captain took pity on the nine year old girl and adopted her. he made her a shinigami and trained her. He saw how great her potential was when she was young so her training was very exhausting. Tsuki was only 12 when she was able to reach her shikai. (Only three years after being adopted.) Not more than two years later she reached her bankai and found out that there were eight different forms for her zanpaku-tou's bankai. She trained day in and day out with all different kinds of fighting techniques. By the age of 14 she had almost mastered kido and started to work on shunko. Since Tsuki was prone to violence if someone wronged her she had to stay in the meeting room whenever there wasn't a captain watching her, so she sat in on the captains' meetings. This was until she was 16 and the third seat of the second division, hoping to switch to a different division.
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Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:21 pm
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Starting from the beginning, you have failed to use the standardized profile skeleton.
Item 1: Include a picture of your Zanpakuto spirit, your RPC, their Shikai, and Bankai, at absolute minimum. Links, if pix are too large. If you don't know how to include a link or image in a post you don't belong in this Guild.
Item 2: We already know that 'Furatta' means 'flutter' from the first line of your Shikai. Redundancy is frowned upon.
Item 3: This Shikai (first form) is decent, but get rid of the sentence fragments.
Item 4: Your shikai's second form should not exist. Shikai do not take multiple forms, no exceptions. Unless you want to roleplay a character with all the inherent personality problems of someone like Yumichika Ayasegawa, but I doubt you'd be up to that.
Item 5: What the bleeding <******** is this s**t!? YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED EIGHT BANKAI, MUCH LESS WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION OF WHAT THEY DO.
Item 6: So she's calm, but she lashes out? And you expect me to approve any part of this bullshit personality description? Do tell.
Item 7: Last I checked an aquamarine was a type of gem, not a color.
Item 8: Training someone from the time they walk to fight is something slum families do out of necessity. I doubt a profile like this wants to put its subject up to any kind of misfortune.
Item 9: Her parents must have been incredibly stupid to abandon her at five because she was just that good at fighting. What kind of dipshits do you take us for? This won't fly.
Item 10: So she killed her parents, who presumably taught her the skills she knew, when she was six? Brutally murdering those that raised you tends to be an emotionally scarring experience. Are you sure you want to put your special and unique little snowflake of a character through that? That said, bulls**t.
Item 11: I don't even get that next sentence. She killed them when she was six, so how could they have abandoned her until she was nine? They'd have been dead for the past three years.
Item 12: O NOEZ! SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS A GONNER! Seriously. Use more formal language. This is supposed to be in the style of a military profile, not someone's fanfiction fanwank.
Item 13: We are not working with canon characters from the Bleach manga, only the rules of the universe as set out by the author. Kindly remove all reference to Jushiro Ukitake from your profile.
Item 14: 'Revoer' is not a word.
Item 15: Mastering Shikai in three years, a process that canonically takes decades, is ridiculous. Doing it at the age of twelve, moreso.
Item 16: As mentioned above, you are not allowed multiple Bankai under any circumstances.
Item 17: Regardless of how bullshit the Bankai, mastering it by the age of 16 is ridiculous and impossible. Word of God (in other words, according to the guy who wrote the manga) states that Bankai is extremely difficult to attain and very few ever unlock its potential at all, even after hundreds of years. I really ought to can your profile just for expediting the process so much.
Item 18: Shunko is a unique technique that you would need to find a teacher for. Auto-learning it in your profile is bullshit.
Item 19: On that topic, Guild rules disallow you from auto-learning anything but your basic Zanpakuto. Clearly mark everything on your profile as Not Achieved.
Item 20: So you claim she's been promoted to 3rd Seat by the age of 16, just another impossibility.
Item 21: Despite describing her as calm and outgoing, you really can't stop talking about how this b***h attacks anyone who 'wrongs' her. Using a Japanese system of honor that would put her pretty neatly into 11th-division levels of psychosis.
Conclusion: This profile is bullshit from top to bottom. Remake it entirely.
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Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 3:31 pm
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